Wednesday, May 29, 2013

News You Can't Use: Yearbook Prank Leads to Columbia Student’s Arrest

High school graduation is an exciting time. It marks the beginning of a second childhood that should last for at least the next four years at Cultural Marxist Debt Daycare, or, if you work it just right, the rest of your life. It's a time of reflection, of new beginnings, and possibly of starting a 3-5 year stretch at Leavenworth for pulling a prank. Yes, stupid jokes are now felonies. We live in an America that has no sense of humor whatsoever. Jesters are rounded up and shot. Comedians are our main focus during the two minutes hate. Scripted "comedy" shows are intentionally stripped of all wit, irony and subversion. They are then given "laugh cues" as a means to fully deconstruct the idea of joking around.

Zero tolerance, my friends, zero tolerance.

A Columbia high school student faces a possible felony charge after her arrest for changing a classmate’s name in the school yearbook to a sexually suggestive term.

Put her in prison! She has disgraced the good name of the yearbook committee! We trusted them to take excellent photos of "coat a freshmen in hot tar" week and so on, not to bring S-E-X (!!!!!!!) into our very names.

The 17-year-old Hickman High School junior was arrested May 14 after she allegedly changed a student’s last name from Mastain to “masturbate” in the 100th edition of the Hickman Cresset yearbook.

Assistant Boone County prosecutor Spencer Bartlett said Tuesday that the case remains under review. No charges had been filed against the teenager as of Tuesday afternoon.

Whoa, what? Get us all excited about the prospect of turning a joke about bopping the bishop into serious prison time and then admit it isn't going to happen in the fine print? It's almost like this is some sort of sensationalism to get attention.

The school decided against reprinting more than 700 yearbooks and instead placed stickers on the altered pages with the student’s correct surname, said yearbook adviser Kim Acopolis. The school estimated the costs of reprinting 720 yearbooks at $41,000.

There was a brief ceremony afterwards celebrating the first time in human history that a government employee used their own discretion and common sense rather than making the worst available decision. Hats off to you, Kim, while everyone else was panicking over smashing-the-candle-gate you were cool under pressure.

“I do not think (she) had any sense of the consequences that would come,” Acopolis said, referring to the student purportedly behind the prank gone awry.

This is why kids say things like "adults are the suck" and "epic adult fail." Really, they say that.

Both Acopolis and the girl whose name was changed, Raigan Mastain, an aspiring graphic designer, called the last-minute change by another yearbook staff member as an act of immaturity, not malice.

In reality it was probably both.

They might want to put a sticker over their goofy school logo, too.

I usually give a direct link to the story, but not this time. The web page is just riddled with bullshit ads and ain't nobody got time for dat. I think it was still loading five minutes after I closed the tab. Here's the address, but don't visit it. I quoted all the funniest parts, so there's no point anyway.

Komment Korner
Glad I never had a Kewpie as my Mascot. I was always baffled by the Purple Kewpies. NCHS THUNDERBIRDS! (High school football rules!!!)

Was his first name Richard?? hahaha

When will the MSM be held to the same standard of accountability? 'Mittens' Romney anyone?
Also, Innocent until PROOVEN guilty -maybe it was just a typo and it is up to the law to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that it was not.

get ready to have your name changed over and over again you stuck-up b!tch enjoy the real world

A year in jail sounds appropriate.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at and Barnes & Noble.

No comments:

Post a Comment