How Come No One Likes My Unlikable Characters

Writing about bad people is fun, but is it fun to read? In a lot of cases the answer is “no” especially when the character in question is simply a one-note banality of evil with none of the “that’s wicked sexy” the reader demands. Arguably worse is attempts to have it both ways, where the character that does awful things is really a good guy who owns unspecified industry and treats his workers well and that sort of drivel. It’s wishy-washy. So how, then, do we rehabilitate the horrible alter egos we create to the point where they’re entertaining and not just a reflection of our deeply seated psychological issues?

The answer you always get is they must be interesting. This is true, although it’s a bit of a tautology. “How do I make a character interesting?” is the next obvious question and there no further help is usually forthcoming. It gets down to the technical skills that are not easily acquired. That’s not an answer anyone likes. We live in a “5 Weird Tricks for Doing Brain Surgery!” world, after all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really in position to offer avuncular tips to new comers, what with my grand total of two published novels and general aura of self-contained arrogance that resists all new ideas mightily. Still, I’ve noticed a few things that might prove useful or at least non-detrimental, failing that.

There are no heroes or anti-heroes, just protagonists. Just accepting that statement will save you a lot of time and misery. The protagonist must connect with the reader. This is why your story about the guy that kills people and that’s the whole story isn’t the massive crowd-pleaser you envisioned. It’s also the reason why unlikable designated heroes are just as bad at the other end of the spectrum. We have to start by asking ourselves why anyone would care. If that question doesn’t have a good answer, it’s time to start over.

Not actually a significant source of Motorsickles.

That might be the hardest part, admitting that not every idea for a character is pure brilliance delivered by an unseen hand, that not every plot idea is the most amazing thing anyone has ever seen or ever will see. I know I struggle with it. “Me, have a bad idea?” It doesn’t even seem possible, right? The truth is it happens all the time. Learning to distinguish what would work and what wouldn’t is hard, but hey no easy solutions, journey of a thousand miles, all that disappointing reality.

Beyond that, watch out for points of no return, actions that are so reprehensible that the character can never be redeemed. There are actions where a reader simply will opt out, where you’ve gone too far. Don’t cross that line. It’s hard to say where that event horizon lies and, again, it’s something that must be felt rather than known. My rule of thumb is if I think something is too much, it definitely is. If I don’t, it still might be. If you’re less of desensitized cynic than I, this process will actually be much easier.

The bottom line is have fun with your protagonists and make them really shine out as something memorable. If there’s one sin that’s never forgivable, it’s mediocrity. Nothing bland, please. Make it righteous as all hell and everything else will fix itself.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Driver Who Asked Jesus To Take The Wheel Hit Motorcyclist

Holding on to the wheel of a car is extremely difficult and painful, the sort of long dark night that often forces one to offer sincere prayers to the Creator of the Universe. That or just tell the Unmoved Mover to take the wheel because you think you saw a mostly undamaged Frito in the cracks of the passenger side seat and diving after that is more important than, say, not turning your car into a deadly weapon. Into this equation add a motorsickle riding organ donor with their patented "Eh, looks like I'm gonna die" attitude and you have the sort of story guaranteed to offend everyone except nihilist mass transit riders and who really cares about them.

Usually when someone says “Jesus take the wheel” it’s meant to help them through a rough patch in life.

That or when the Mexican racing team needs to switch drivers at the halfway point.

But police say an Indiana woman took the phrase literally on July 11th, when she took her hands off the steering wheel as she was driving.

If there's one disclaimer that belongs on almost every spiritual issue, it's "don't take this literally."

The Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette reports 25-year-old Prionda Hill told authorities she let go of the wheel because “God told her he would take it from here.”

"Okay Prionda, I'm done creating that nebula from nothing and populating a planet a few million light years from Earth with a complete ecosystem, I guess my "CEO of the Universe" duties can wait while I help you out with various banal tasks."

Unfortunately for Anthony Olivery, her car veered off the road and slammed into his motorcycle, throwing him to the ground. Then the car ran over him.

Clearly "bad luck" is the culprit and not almost unbelievable stupidity.

“When I looked at that bumper and looked at that tire, I told myself, today is the day you die,” he told the paper.

Ordinarily I'd be skeptical of this stoic calm in the face of death, but again, motorsickle rider. Every time you get on that "hog" you must be thinking "Yeah, this will probably kill me. I'm fine with that" while making sure to evade those tyrannical helmet laws.

The accident broke all of Olivery’s ribs on his left side, cut his spleen, bruised his kidney and caused severe injuries to his left arm and leg.

It was the least serious motorcycle accident that we have a record of.

Hill kept on going, according to court records, hitting a pickup truck twice and only stopping when her car crashed into an island between two fast food restaurants several blocks away from where she struck Olivery. Officials say she told officers she had a prescription for Vicodin.

So she's basically a dopehead and this cover story about "Take the wheel, Jehovah!" was the best excuse her addled mind could create on short notice.

This is some solid irony.

Hill was arrested and charged with failure to stop after an accident and criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon.

Sorry we added a bunch of irrelevant shaggy dog nonsense to a very straightforward "scumbag does drugs, injures man on sui-cycle" story.

Full Story.

Komment Korner   

I blame Hollywood for giving weak minds the idea that "magic" actually happens.

Probably a senior Obama adviser

What's up with the title of this article referencing Jesus. Obama clearly stated that "we are no longer a Christian nation". The article itself only references God. The separation between Church and Everything Else has been violated here.

The problem here is bad theology.

Piglosi is a hypocrite, and so are her defenders... IE YOU

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.