News You Can't Use: More than 30 Residents Thought to be 'Possessed by the Devil'

The pursuit of truth means a lot to me, so it stands to reason that we must confront the most important breaking news of our time here, in this mystical arena. No, not the CIA using your big-screen pacification device to spy on you and your loved ones. Here, we don't play, it's all about what's real, namely Central American demon possession that occurred following events so incredible that they could easily have been used to inspire a rejected Netflix series. Start with the discovery of evil dolls, throw in some always entertaining staggering superstition, let England's best newspaper tell it and here we are.

A community is in crisis after more than 30 of its villagers have been 'possessed by the devil ' after discovering a voodoo doll.

Well, that's not how voodoo dolls work according to any movie I've ever seen, but I guess any excuse is a good one to shake up your sleepy, deeply impoverished village. We can either keep talking about failing crops and rebel armies or have some spooky fun, easy choice.

Residents living in Santa Tomas, close to Waspan, in the south of Nicaragua, are said to be suffering from grisi siknis (translated into English as 'crazy sickness').

Translated as the Chilly Willies or Goofy Loopy depending on which dialect we're using, it's not good news for an area that previously was doubtlessly a favored tourist destination for obscenely wealthy Yankees.

Grisi siknis is a culture-bound syndrome that most often affects communities in Central America.

I'll just tuck away that bit of knowledge, for now. Save it for the next cocktail party.

The contagious syndrome often exhibits symptoms such as nausea, anxiety, dizziness, irrational anger and fear, as well as periods of 'rapid frenzy'.

These are all the same symptoms caused by those pills that control your bladder hostility, oddly enough.

Terrifyingly, each time a person is 'possessed', they name the next victim of the disease.

The world's scariest game of "red rover."

One woman who lives in the community, known as Marisella, has attempted to help her neighbours by creating homemade remedies to 'cure' the syndrome.

We were so impressed by the efforts of this heroic woman, on woman's day or whatever no less, that we're going to break out the sarcasm quotes. 

She creates medicines, which are poured across the back of the affected villager in the hope that it will ward off the evil spirits.

At this point, what do you really have to lose?

After investigating the disease further, Marisella said she believes that she has found the cause - a small voodoo doll.

A glimpse at the future of our healthcare system?

Speaking to Central America media, she said: "A doll with black ribbon and a cross marked on its face [has been found in a street]. "It suggests that it's affected by dark spells and bad influences. A type of bad spirit."

Real News. Good spirits die in darkness.

The villagers have now decided to burn the doll.

How to put an end to all those "Conjuring" spin-offs.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

News You Can't Use: Nearly 100 Schoolchildren 'Possessed by the Devil'

It's hard out there for a demon. It's already been thoroughly established by vision and revelation that you're going to lose, but you're expected to go out there and run through the motions anyway. You get blamed for evils you had little if anything to do with, everything from simple to hysteria to government ineptitude. And, especially relevant for today's amazing story, you get confused with the ghosts of dead Made Men and have to take the blame for that, too. To add insult to injury they insist that you're unleashed by a novelty made by Parker Brothers. Yeah, it ain't easy.

The mass case of 'demonic possession' has caused some pupils to suffer from seizures while others have fainted at the school. 

Are we sure this isn't malnutrition caused by rejected Michelle Meals or the natural reaction to common core math?

Almost 100 schoolchildren are thought to have been 'possessed' by the devil - and see visions of a man in black trying to kill them.

Don't do it evil Johnny Cash wraith! Not like this!

In what has been described as a mass case of demonic possession, the pupils in Peru are experiencing seizures alongside their horrifying hallucinations.

It seems a more convincing explanation than the lead pipes, paint and dinner plates.

Experts have struggled to explain the strange goings-on, which also include widespread convulsions and fainting at the school , reportedly built on a Mafia graveyard.

You mooks bedda get off our bone garden if you know what's good for you. Got a nice school, shame if someone would bust it up with demonic mischief, I'm just sayin'.

According to local reports, as many as 80 students at the Elsa Perea Flores School in northern Peru’s Tarapoto have been experiencing the supposedly contagious ‘condition’ since last month.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for my fear-mongering campaign against anti-devil vaccinations. Myself and that annoying Playboy model were very wrong, obviously. Now problems we thought we wiped out in The Enlightenment are back and worse than ever.

Shocking video footage shows pupils who are barely conscious, repeatedly screaming, and who appear to be delirious.

Also known as "Kids React to Hillary Clinton campaign commercials."

Doctor Antony Choy told national channel Panamericana TV: "We don’t understand how this has kept on going on.
 
Obviously science is helpless in the face of diabolic activity, as you would expect.

"My friends say I was screaming desperately, but I don’t remember much."

Something about not wanting to take that swimming test, everything else is a blur.

Another schoolgirl said she had trouble breathing and was desperately holding her neck as if someone was strangling her. According to her friends, she kept screaming: "Take it out."

When the kinky industrialist vampire is finally destroyed by direct sunlight and becomes a kinky disembodied spirit.

 How do you even work this thing?

Franklin Steiner, a parapsychologist who investigates paranormal and psychic phenomena - said: "It is known that years ago there were many victims of terrorism here. When this school was built, some say bones and dead bodies were found."

Terrorist victims, wise guys, whatever. I think we'll make it an ancient Algonquin burial ground for the movie version, which, of course, will be set in the United States and feature a racially diverse cast of attractive twenty-somethings pretending to be in high school.

Locals believe this is a case of demonic interference, saying some children must have played games that invoke demons such as using a Ouija board.

Demonic interference, fifteen yard penalty, automatic first down. 

A Ouija board is marked with letters and numbers and some use it to communicate with souls of the dead. Many religious organisations have warned against using the boards, saying that they can lead to demonic possession. 

I'm pretty sure the instructions that come with it make that abundantly clear, as well as mentioning the possible choking hazard.

As of yet, there has been no rational or official explanation for the strange phenomenon.

In the absence of this it makes sense to consider the craziest possible solutions.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News you Can't Use: Hollywood Moves Back to Demonic Possession Stories

For those who don't own a calendar and have forsaken all contact with the outside world, the primary demographic I'm trying to reach, you need to know it's almost time for Halloween. This, of course, means another tepid round of limp PG-13 offerings that substitute dolls and other non-scary objects for actual story telling. Expect plentiful lame jump scares since that's a lot easier than establishing a mood of growing dread and maybe, if you're lucky, lots of product placement. But wait, we're switching back to "the demon was my co-pilot" stories as the main metaphor for fear of societal disintegration and personal atomization, now that stories about ghouls have reached saturation levels. Will this new trend revive the most stagnant of all genres? Well, no, but we still have to look at the article anyway.

It’s enough to make your head spin. Some 40 years after “The Exorcist,” demonic possession is back, spewing out movies, TV shows and books.

Ha, clearly punchy writing full of clever turns of phrase is not back.

“Ash vs. Evil Dead,” based on the “Evil Dead” film franchise about demons plaguing vacationers at a cabin in the woods, is premiering on the Starz cable network on Halloween.

Like most people I felt that Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness left many themes and plot lines about the dead that are, oddly enough, also evil, unexplored. Ever since repeatedly viewing that 1992 masterwork and writing multiple letters each week to every cable network, no matter how obscure or goofy-named, to demand that we get the proper cynical cash-in reboot that this series always deserved.

A sequel to the hit 2013 film “The Conjuring,” about an attempted exorcism, is in production.

It's rated PG-13, contains a doll that might frighten a timid seven-year-old living a completely sequestered existence in a Mennonite colony and was released last year to a critical reception that could be fairly described as "savage." When "shameless cash grab" is probably the closest thing to a blurb you could put on a poster you know it's just a matter of time before you get another bite at the apple.

“The Witch,” a film-festival darling about possession in a Puritan family in 17th-century New England, is set to open in February.

Yeah, it takes time to remove the shame and target wallets, so please be patient. Besides, nothing's more frightening than February weather or a lonely Valentine's Day, am I right? Hey, come back here!

A revival of Arthur Miller’s “The Crucible” opens on Broadway that same month, starring Saoirse Ronan as a young woman amid charges of witchcraft in Salem.

You are aware that this is actually a tale of very human failure with absolutely no demonic elements, right?

A reality-TV special advertised as a “live exorcism” of a haunted house is scheduled to air the night before Halloween.

Still more watchable and less intelligence insulting than the first Democratic debate.

Streaming services, looser broadcast standards and more television options have broadened this audience and fueled more projects.

Yeah, streaming. Like a stream of puke from a drunkard's mouth.

Teens can make a TV show or movie viral in minutes. Young-adult novels turn into hit movies, like the “Twilight” vampire-werewolf films.

And you, as a fully mature adult, will go see this puerile garbage because you're a moronic sheep.

“The Walking Dead,” about a dystopic world overrun with zombies, is the most popular show on cable TV. 

Can there be a twenty year or so moratorium on the word "dystopic" for the benefit of people that can't correctly use it?

The 2013 zombie movie “World War Z” racked up big world-wide ticket sales for weeks.

Man, all this technology really has accelerated the pace of society. Let's talk about 2013 releases, pine for new, worse versions of 1992 sequels and generally fail to move forward.

The new wave of possession films could take scary movies even more into the mainstream.

And no "R" rating, because we want lots of kids at our diabolic possession movie.

The last one, this time for sure, unless it's really profitable.

Teenagers especially relate to the notion of one’s body and mind being taken over by an uncontrollable force they can’t understand.

Demon possession = I can't control my horny levels.

Belief in a demonic presence is a part of many religions, notably Catholicism. Mark Neveldine, who directed this summer’s film “The Vatican Tapes,” says Pope Francis is helping drive the new interest in exorcism.

That or "climate change," I forget which.

“There’s almost like a weird little thrill to the idea that the devil did make me do these horrible, terrible things, and I’m not responsible,” he says.

"I wasn't my fault, George W. Bush left it like this!"

“I love ‘The Exorcist,’” Ms. King says. “It’s a great book and a great movie, but that story has been told.”

But never in a format where nudity and most swearing words are forbidden and hey, easy on the disturbing content because we want that wider, dumber, audience.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

The Jesuits were reformers, proselytizers, and, most importantly, soldiers of the Holy Mother Church in her battle against the Protestant Revolution

Doggone WSJ spell swapper.

If you believe in God and reject Him....your punushment is fitting.

Get your facts straight!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.