Instead he'll be facing a "Freedom Act" star chamber at the local Ministry of Love, which, when you think about it, is only slightly worse than sweating it out in goofy robes and listening to pretentious and sanctimonious speeches about your bright future.
Kylan Scheele, 18, admits to posting an ad on Craigslist on Friday that listed Truman High School for sale; he said it was meant to be a joke.
I consulted the tiny post-it note that lists all the things you can still tap for valuable yucks and it wasn't on there, sorry kid.
“Other people were going to release live mice or, you know, building a beach in the front lobby area, and I thought let’s do something more laid back, so I just decided to post the school for sale,” Scheele said.
The irony when my laid back and generally low-effort pranksterism earns a twenty year sentence in a Cuban prison camp.
The ad listed several amenities including the schools newly built athletic fields, plenty of parking and a “bigger than normal dining room.” The Independence School District took issue with Kylan’s reason for the sale, which he wrote was “due to the loss of students coming up.”
When kids say "adults are the suck," and they do, sorry delusional "I'm still cool!" boomers, this is why.
“I decided to say the reason we’re selling this is because of 'the loss of students,' because the senior class is graduating,” Scheele explained.
That seems pretty obvious, but we're dealing with petty bureaucrats, so good luck.
On Wednesday, Sheele, who told FOX4 he has a 3.9 GPA, was notified that he was suspended for the remainder of the school and would not walk in Saturday’s graduation.
Young man with successful future written all over him has life permanently destroyed because he pulled a boner to make people laugh. Really makes you think, man. Maybe all of this isn't really a good thing. Far out.
“A three-day suspension, sure, but denying me the ability to walk, that’s a lifetime moment,” Scheele said. “I think they’re overreacting.”
Trust me, you're not missing anything.
Turn in your used school for cash right now!
“He went and apologized and tried to make things right and in return they give him the harshest punishment possible,” Kylan’s mom, Denetra Clark said.
There's actually worse punishments. I'm just saying. Room 101, that sort of thing.
While Sheele and his mom are hoping the district will reverse its decision, the district’s spokeswoman said it “won’t be reconsidered.”
The actions of a district carry a grim finality.
“He’s already put the effort in,” said Clark. “He’s going to get his diploma no matter what but maybe the party will start sooner.”
If you consider being blindfolded with a sack and left lying handcuffed on gravel in the scorching midday sun for hours before finally being taken to a holding cell a "party," than yeah, woooooo.
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