News You Can't Use: Nationwide Paintball Wars Causing Concern For Baltimore Police

As a veteran of a thousand paintball wars my body is more wounds and splattered primary colors than flesh. Such is the sacrifice required by a coast-to-coast struggle that you probably weren't even aware of, but should be. It's even starting to become what might be considered a "concern" for law enforcement, I guess right up there with collecting revenue from people driving too fast in that one stretch where the speed limit is ridiculously low and all those unsolved murders.

Nationwide, police are tackling a new type of gun violence. Hundreds of paintball shootings have been reported in multiple states, and now it’s picking up in Baltimore.

When our founders granted us the right to use paint as a weapon of self-defense the most dangerous thing was a musket that vomited out a rainbow of pain and then took a minute to reload. They couldn't have anticipated the dangers of high-capacity ball holders.

“Guns Down, Paint Balls Up” is a movement that was intended to curb gun violence. 

The solution creates new problems, just like any good solution.

“It started in Atlanta, with a rapper who started putting things on YouTube and Instagram,” said Milwaukee Police Sgt. Melissa Franckowiak.

For those who were claiming modern rap is creatively bankrupt drivel, here's the irrefutable proof that it isn't.

Police say Atlanta-based rapper 21 Savage’s campaign against firearms may have backfired — they’ve linked at least two deaths to paintball wars.

Maybe we shouldn't be using Dirty South rappers as a source of public policy. Also, it ain't funny, my brother died like that.

In April, 3-year-old T’Rhigi Diggs was shot while he slept in the back of his mother’s car in Milwaukee. Police say he was killed by a teen who fired a handgun at people shooting paintballs.

Please ignore how this paragraph is a total mess that makes zero sense.

“It’s something we want to get in front of, and let people know it is illegal, it is something we are taking seriously.”

I'm sure you'll be a lot more successful with this particular crusade than you've been with every single other one.

 There were no survivors.

People caught firing a paintball gun could face disorderly conduct or other criminal charges.

We'll come up with something, don't worry.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.