News You Can't Use: Standing Desks May Lead to Back Pain, Brain Drain

Sitting is bad. It's the new smoking, it compresses the spine, damages your organs and is a convenient scapegoat for your cold and distant relationships with your fellow work units. Standing is also bad, wrecking the joints, causing the footsore and leading to painful "I'm jelling" conversations. If there is  a posture that doesn't destroy our rapidly dying mortal shell we're still looking. Right now the most promising candidates are sobbing in a fetal ball and standing on one leg. The client is losing billions a second over this, we better solve it fast.

Standing desks, compared to conventional office seating, have been lauded for easing back pain, boosting alertness and helping people to lose weight.

I was alerted to all threats in the immediate proximity and lost ten pounds and several inches thanks to the exciting new "bank teller" exercise program.  

But new research suggests that using standing desks may actually not be as good for you as previously believed.  

Ugh, what part of "the science is settled" don't you eggheads understand?

A small but provocative study suggests that standing at a desk for a prolonged period of time can lead to “significant” discomfort and mental sluggishness.

Well, it definitely isn't comfortable, I'm not sure if we really needed a study, even a small one (It was cold, okay?) to confirm this. On the other hand, there's the decreased brain activity, which certainly explains all the bad decisions made by standing individuals in recorded history.

That’s what researchers at Curtin University in Australia found when they studied 20 adult subjects who undertook two hours of laboratory-based standing computer work.

Another Curtin University snob.

“Over time, discomfort increased in all body areas,” they wrote in the journal Ergonomics. “Sustained attention reaction time deteriorated,” they added, but “creative problem solving improved.”

My ability to talk my way out of this goofy "experiment" got much better as we entered the second hour, let me tell you.

The bottom line, researchers noted, is that “prolonged standing should be undertaken with caution.”

Stand up at your own risk, monkey-man.

Your screen ain't even on, bro.

The advice backs up a 2016 report in which adverse effects of standing were found to include “an increase in back pain or varicose veins or being more tired at the end of the day.”

We have scientifically quantified how "tired" or "Grumpy Gus" the subjects were.

Professor Alan Taylor, a physiotherapy expert at Nottingham University in England, told the Telegraph that standing desks are “not a panacea ....” And whether you sit or stand at your job, be sure to make time for a walk.

Next week: study links walking to heart failure, uncontrollable falling down syndrome and low energy.

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.