Saturday, August 24, 2013

DotTeeVee: DUI checkpoint refusal at illegal Tahoe roadblock

Our freedom to be a jerk might be the most precious one we have. All right, after our freedom to buy products and pay taxes. It's a strong runner up, anyway. The best part about exercising your civil right to social retardation and inability to grasp how things work is that you can make a post hoc claim that you were actually fighting the good fight and are some sort of bizarre hero. Even better if this process can be recorded and then shared with the world via the invisible wires.

Like most totally righteous stories this one begins with the Man With No Face riding his steel horse right into the teeth of low-level totalitarianism. We get lots of annotations during this process so that we "get" that this is no mere "watch me break local speed limits on my bad bike!" or "here's my vacation" video, but rather the courageous stand of the last honest man against forces of pure evil. Forces that can't be bothered to put up "burning beam lights" to mark the exact location of their tyranny.

  Epic fascism fail!

This is just a theory and there's no way I can prove it, but I think the fact that we're in broad daylight might, just might, explain the lack of flares and lanterns. For whatever reason, this seems to be a major issue for this guy, to the point that viewers are totally missing the point. He even says exactly that in the "video description." What the point is, exactly, remains impenetrable. 

Like a scene from an ill-conceived "Maximum Overdrive" re-imagining we join a line of cars waiting to have their freedom infringed upon by the jack boot squad. Literally nothing is happening, so I take the uploader's advice and skip ahead to the beginning of the "seizure" at the 4:30 mark. No, there's not going to be any epilepsy. Sorry to get your hopes up. 

By the author of "Lil Billy and the Star Chamber."

With the promise of Fourth Amendment usurpation, I jump ahead to the middle of the video. I deeply apologize for any sanctimonious wise-assery that might have been missed. An officer in one of those fluorescent vests usually worn by midnight joggers (remember, no lanterns!) gives the international gesture for "open your helmet's visor, Sir Knight, I wish to parley rather than engage in a manful clash of arms." This pretty unambiguous signal leads to more annotation smart mouth. It's almost as if this patriot and guardian of our rights is going out of his way to find things to be offended by.

  Another highway patrol pretty boy.

After using his words, the visor is raised. You know, maybe if we just comply with the instructions this will end easily and painlessly. The officer wants to know if any drinking has been going on and, channeling the spirit of Ghandi our hero is all "No questions!" This stand against the machinery of the wicked goes back and forth a few times before the motorsickle man is instructed to "pull over." Because this is an "order" compliance occurs. If only he'd been ordered to answer the question all of this could have been avoided, perhaps. 

This is a bit of a mixed message.

With that the "illegal seizure" portion of the video ends and we enter into the "unlawful imprisonment" phase. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't really see any property rights violated. I saw some goof that wanted to be difficult and a very long-suffering and good-humored officer, but that was about it. Hopefully the coming outrages will be of a higher class. 

So we "potato-potato-potato-potato" the chopper toward what I'm sure the creator of this video would call "The Free Speech Zone" but is actually used for drunks and cranks. This break in the scintillating drama that is unfolding provides another chance to quote chapter and verse from local statutes, like an alternate universe Joe Friday who was kicked off the force and became a human derelict fighting imaginary battles against enemies that exist only in his mind. He also bitches about taxes. I mean, taxes? What's up with those? Am I right?

Yeah, get busy guys. Smuggle arms to Mexican drug runners or something!

Next the possibility of actual martyrdom is broached, as an officer "reaches for his weapon!" Sadly the "mad cop disease" doesn't actually kick in, but that won't stop the Sole Defender of the Constitution from making repeated and paranoid references to this for the rest of the video. Instead, the same question about drinking is repeated, without result. He even gets uppity about raising the visor again, until "ordered." 

If you're having trouble following the logic of what the Minority of One does, here's a handy cheat sheet: Orders = Yes, Questions = No, Favors = No, Common Decency that Could Immediately End This Situation = No. Hand signs to raise visor = No, After the Fact Snark and Tough Talk = Yes.

After deflecting some more polite requests he really puts it down: "Let me know when I'm free to go." Ok, it's not exactly going to be the first choice of quotes to go on the statue that will one day be built for the brave, brave man who defeated the DUI checkpoint, but it will have to do.

 This is a prison planet, man.

The inevitable "ihnen paperien, bitte" occurs and incredibly this is also complied with after minimal fuss. This guy isn't so much anti-tyranny as he's anti-questions about drinking. Everything else he just goes along with. Der Kommissar checks the papers and apparently everything is in order because no one goes for their weapons or anything. Upon request the officers provide their own information, which will make it nice and easy for the modern answer to Samuel Adams to file a report on how polite and professional they were in the face of his crazy behavior.

The officer even apologizes for any inconvenience he may have caused. Tyranny! Hand on weapon! 1984!

Free to go it's time to drive off into the sunset. We're told that because of this video the roadblocks were either cancelled or provided with adequate illumination (even thought that isn't the point!). Another glorious victory for people that hate answering questions. We wrap up with an offer to see our hero deal with a "phony" roadblock and get arrested for DUI. Yeah, maybe later.

 The Catcher in the Road.

Komment Korner  

your a redicules kid grow up

Thanks for sharing your opinions with me.
i hope ur meaing to burn your clutch out 

Well score one for the cops. They acted professionally against a guy looking to create a problem. This tried to draw attention to himself and make the cops look bad..... FAIL. The cops look real good and this guy just made bikers look bad.

you need to grow up or get laid

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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