News You Can't Use: KFC Responds to U.K. Chicken Shortage Scandal

KFC went through a highly publicized, somewhat bizarre crisis in the U.K. this week: The fast food joint known for its fried chicken ran out of chicken.

Since absolutely nothing else happened last week you probably remember this dominating headlines. This was the disaster where something known for chicken had trouble with chicken, which is some very efficient sentence structure.

Now, KFC is apologizing with a creative stunt: rearranging its name to spell “FCK.”

I guess what exactly constitutes "creative" instead of "vulgar corporate group-think" is going to be a matter of personal opinion, at least to some extent.

The shortage stemmed from “operational issues” with new delivery provider DHL, forcing most of its 900 locations to temporarily shut down (some reopening with limited menus and shorter hours).

You devils and your so-called "operation" problems. We all know you just don't want to fry me up some cluckers and are coming up with elaborate and phony excuses to prevent this.

Disappointed fans of the chain were vocal on social media and even started trying to get police involved (police in both London and Manchester had to remind angry KFC fans that the “#KFCCrisis” isn’t a police matter).

I'm sure your quaint, unarmed police are going to be able to do something about Big Chicken; an organization so powerful and arrogant they'll imply the foulest of foul words in their official propaganda.

KFC even set up a website letting fans know where the closest open store was located. As of today, the BBC reported that around 700 of the KFC’s stores in the U.K. have reopened.

They even went so far as to have a website on the so-called "information road," if you can believe that, declares a reporter from 1993.

One dejected KFC fanatic admitted “I’ve had to go to Burger King” after repeatedly returning to KFC, where she was given free rice boxes.  

I'm willing to die for KFC, such is my fanaticism, but I guess I'll have to go to Burger Land or whatever.

Burger King wasn’t the only one to capitalize on the #KFCCrisis.  Iceland Foods offered free breaded chicken strips, while PETA tweeted about the state of the typical British chicken farm.

I'll have to try this "PETA" restaurant. I wonder what tasty animals they serve?

In The Sun and Metro, KFC ran a full-page print ad crafted by agency of record Mother London. The ad apologizes for the ordeal while admitting that “a chicken restaurant without any chicken” is “not ideal.”

What we did was inappropriate. In fact, it was wrong.

KFC’s apology appears to be getting a mostly positive reception from fans of the fast food chain on social media.

There's no better way to win respect and acclaim than by apologizing.

Just kill it and get it into a bucket, pal.

Founder and group managing director of Frank PR Andrew Bloch tweeted that the apology was a “masterclass in PR crisis management,” while other marketers and fans alike tweeted in praise of the brand’s apology.

This is the most amazing apology I've ever seen. You are truly the emperor of begging and groveling after failure.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: 2 Ran Drug Operation Through NH Burger

How about a story highlighting the unbelievably banal adventures of the world's dumbest criminals? Honestly, this one is amazing, featuring human units who were able to parlay a fast food job ($15 an hour, make it happen socialism!) into time behind bars via attempting to provide a product that can cure all diseases and makes excellent rope, only to run afoul of the law, so-called. An effort to turn a Burger King into the Netherlands version, or at least what I would imagine because I didn't go to a Burger King there, ends in predictable disaster. There's probably some sort of lesson in all this, but you're really bringing me down, man.

Police said they managed to bag a pair of street-level drug dealers using a local fast food drive through to sell marijuana.

I'm sure you feel a lot safer now and rightly so.

Epping Police Chief Mike Wallace said Thursday that Raymond residents Garrett Norris, 20, and Meagan Dearborn, 19, were arrested Saturday after police were tipped off to the drug operation using the Burger King restaurant drive-through window.

Time for some of that "free college" for generation nothing. Or at least you can pretend it's college, I'm sure there's a library or whatever in the prison.

"We obtained enough evidence that pointed to the employee, Norris, was selling marijuana though the drive-through. It was substantiated with the with sting operation. We went in later that evening and arrested him and the shift manager," said Wallace.

This arrest cost taxpayers thousands of dollars, but at least the Devil Plant has been temporarily inconvenienced.

Wallace said buyers would arrive at the restaurant and ask for "Nasty Boy." "Once it was verified he was working they had to ask for their fries extra crispy." Money was exchanged at the drive-through window.

I feel a song coming on.
 
Gimme a beat!

Sittin' in the drive-thru line, thinkin' nasty thoughts, huh
Better be crispy fries or you turn me off, huh
That's right,
a-let me exchange money

Nasty Nasty boys, don't mean a thing, huh
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty Nasty boys, don't ever change, huh
Oh you nasty boys!

The drugs were not put with any food ordered but were sold in a separate container.

That Big King made you hallucinate because the mystery sauce (what could it possibly be???) had turned rancid, not because it had Satan's hair in it.

We always heard rumors that employees were selling illicit drugs through some fast food restaurants. It was never substantiated until Saturday night."

Sherlock Holmes versus the Evil Professor this ain't.

Police say the operation did not involve the franchise owners and was restricted to the two employees arrested.

No one who isn't poor will be punished, don't worry.

Norris was charged with possession of a controlled drug with intent to distribute. Dearborn was charged with conspiracy to distribute a controlled drug. She also faces charges of unlawful possession of alcohol.

My life can't get any worse, I'm working in fast food. Wrong.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

I just spit my oatmeal

Money from a national , big name business, is usually the goal

There is still no Amendment to US Constitution making any drug illegal.

I love how the cops assume she was part of it

What a Whopper of a story!

The actual food they sell causes people to actually get sick and die

Well they do say, "Have it your way."




Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.