News You Can't Use: Grown Men Squabble Over Toy Car on Black Friday

Say what you want about so-called "online shopping," which has flash in the pan written all over it, the real action is on "Black Friday." No, not that movie with the brain transplant surgeon who kills mobsters, I'm talking about the retail thunderdomes. Here you can brawl with your fellow human units over minor discounts, cling to the electronics of exotic and far-away Cathay like a giant leech and have the entire humiliating debacle preserved for posterity by ubiquitous cameras and the general voyeuristic tendencies of a dying society. Honestly, think of what you're "saving." It isn't your dignity, but who cares?

A video of four grown men squabbling over a toy car sums up the utter mindlessness that is Black Friday.  

I think this whole "mindlessness" idea is a bridge too far. Clearly there was an advanced thought process and it was "me want toy car."

The clip shows four different people trying to haul away the item, as a woman tells one of the men, “Stop! Let go!”

Why should I let go? What about the other three? How is this fair? So many questions.

Three other men then continue to pathetically push the box in different directions as a store employee looks on despairingly.

If you've ever worked in customer service you know that look very well.

“You’re breaking it!” one woman tells them.

That's what she said! Wait. It really was.

Another store employee then steps in to tell them to “drop it,” before his colleague states, “Neither one of you gets it.”

Man, you phonies don't get it, you aren't with the times. This materialism isn't as important as, like, a sunset or getting nicely baked.

Other videos show fights in malls and stores across the country, including one instance where a woman threw a shoe that hit a baby.

We've conquered disease and famine, built a democracy where power is peacefully exchanged between hostile ideologies and invented special grabbing sticks for the morbidly obese, but you want to focus on some minor shoe throwing infanticide.

 ...and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free...

People are even buying fake Walmart and Best Buy employee vests so they can try to skip the line.

And still there are a few cranks who insist we're not making progress into a better future.

Black Friday is a complete scam based around the myth that shoppers are getting discounts they wouldn’t get at any other time of the year.

Thank you for exposing this ridiculous scam, Infowars. Now to purchase a bottle of Super Alpha Male Brain Vitality Snake Serum from this site for $39.99.

Many of the same deals for which shoppers spend hours camped outside stores are also available online anyway, in some cases days in advance of Black Friday.

Yes, but consider the social aspect you'll miss out on.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

Meh, I bought a DVD of "War For The Planet Of The Apes". It only cost me $1.57. Not bad for a DVD I was going to get anyway.

0bama's America. NONE of this was happening before the Kenyan Criminal and his side-kick Creepy Joe were elected.

Communist China is having a very good day today. They have a very good day every day, because all the crap we buy is manufactured in China by Chinese using American profits to fund their continuous capital expansion. I'm on the wrong side, I think. Let me practice: Ni hao ma?

When I go BLACK shopping, I take a BaseBall bat and beat the living hell out of anybody in my way. That is what we all should do.
 

Democrats: "you want to go back to the '50's?? " Me: "OK"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Two Calif. Women Camp-Out In Front Of Best Buy, 22 Days Ahead Of Black Friday

We're fast approaching a major holiday that is celebrated by the ritual waiting for and purchasing of various imported junk electronics. It might also have some minor religious significance, but I can't really confirm that. What I can say for sure is that everyone is excited about this chance to purchase East Asia bounty at a minor discount. Excited enough to begin the urban camping season well in advance. Materialism is the answer and the question doesn't even matter any more.

Two California women have already arrived at a Beaumont Best Buy to begin their annual camp-out – 22 days ahead of Black Friday sales.

You'll want to get that sort of early jump on this, because foreign-made moron boxes and idiot phones are almost as rare in America as two liter sodas. If you miss out Friday, you'll probably never get one. It's like a Soviet bread line, with the nourishment changed from the Staff of Life to the miracle Chinese glow boxes.

Vickey Torres of Cabazon and Juanita Salas of Beaumont arrived for their annual Black Friday camping set-up outside of the Beaumont Best Buy store, Banning-Beaumont Patch reports.

The rich pageant of a life so stuffed full of valuable societal contribution that waiting in front of a box-store to get a shot at slightly cheaper products that weren't made in America takes precedence over everything else, including, say, spending the time working which would allow the ridiculously high regular price to be easily paid. No, this makes more sense and is healthier from an existential perspective.

The women plan to spend the full 22 days outside of the electronic retailer in hopes of landing the best deals for the infamous “first come, first served” Thanksgiving night rush.

Can't wait for the annual tradition of every vaguely human animal against every other one in a battle for shiny things from the Orient.

“We could have started later, but then we wouldn’t be sure to get first in line,” Torres told Patch on Friday, as she and Salas sat under the hot sun in front of the Best Buy. “They only get a few items at the cheaper prices and it’s first come, first served.”

"I know it's not at all logical, but look at all the holiday fun we're having!" *sits for hours in oppressive California heat, cooking in own juices*

Torres and Salas said they have camped out in front of Best Buy for “the last few years,” with the two women taking turns to go home and shower, eat.

This is the sort of thing that one would look back on with satisfaction on the death bed. "I'm sure glad I spend all those days in front of a store waiting."

Although deals for Best Buy’s Black Friday are yet to be released, Torres and Salas said they are ultimately looking to land a good deal on a television this year.

It is extremely difficult to find an affordable television in the U.S.A.

 Must...get...rewards...

“Some people say we’re crazy,” said Torres, adding that such comments don’t bother her in the least. 

"They used to bother me, but now that I've completely lost my mind and soul to consumerism, it doesn't matter."

Please don't visit the ironically ad-riddled source: http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2014/11/11/two-calif-women-camp-out-in-front-of-best-buy-22-days-ahead-of-black-friday/  

Seriously, just when I thought I'd suppressed all the ads the freaking page reloaded. Yeah. You want to know what the future looks like? Imagine a page full of click-bait b.s. reloading itself. Forever. 

Komment Korner 

I'm not 100% sure, but last time I checked you weren't allowed to buy electronics with food stamps.

Someone should come by after dark, pretend to be drunk, and pee on the sidewalk right near them. 

(Yeah, "pretend." - Ed)

Have these ladies not heard of opportunity costs? 

Gee, won't they be missing out on pay from not going to work? (sarcasm)

I wonder if Obama will have the White Hut chef cook up a Beagle for them?

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.