News You Can't Use: Chef Throws Chilli Powder in Complaining Customer's Face

Going to a restaurant just makes good sense. It solves that common problem of having a pocket stuffed with cash, it allows you to supplement a struggling actress's beggary wages with so-called "tipping" and nothing tastes better than warm food made by a potentially diseased total stranger, something otherwise completely unavailable in your pathetic, hedonistic and atomized life. Still, things can go wrong and you might end up taking a hot blast right to your face. And not in the good way.

Ejaculation.

A curry house owner threw chilli powder in a customer's eyes when he complained about "rubbery" chicken in the Prince of Bengal in Tonypandy, Wales.

When you're at a friends house and the food just ain't no good you pretty much have to grin and bear it, but no such restraints exist at a Welsh Indian cuisine simulator, obviously. Just be ready for some blow-back after you fire off your clever similes re: the disappointing entree.

A jury saw CCTV footage of Kamrul Islam, 47, which appears to show the chef throwing a large fistful of chilli powder in the face of a complaining diner. 

Some juries have all the luck. I got stuck with some "absentee father" hearing that involved absolutely no entertaining "decline and fall" multimedia whatsoever.

Mr Islam is on trial, accused of assault occasioning actual bodily harm on David Evans, who he threw the spice at on 21 January last year.

Yes, cooking spices caused permanent damage to my biological well-being. Give me money.

CCTV footage played at Merthyr Tydfil Crown Court depicted the moment Mr Evans followed Mr Islam to the kitchen.

Is it just me or does "Mr. Islam" sounds like a villain pro wrestler circa 2002?

Mr Islam says he was very frightened as he walked away from the table of the complaining Mr Evans and his wife, and that he picked up the chilli powder to defend himself from Mr Evans, who he said had clenched his fist in the doorway to the kitchen.

It's too bad there isn't some way this trial can end with everyone being punished, including the lawyers.

 How to use chili powder to win fights, etc.

The court heard Mr and Ms Evans ordered two Cobra beers and two bottles of wine but the couple said the second bottle of wine had not been started.

Now I know for sure that I'm a better person than these two profligates because I drink King Cobra, the ruler and sovereign of the their beer of choice. Don't let the smooth taste fool ya!

Ms Evans told the jury that she posted on Facebook about the incident the following day because she “wanted to tell the people of Tonypandy and the surrounding area that if they went there this is what they might be treated like”.

Still better than your usual poverty-tier memes, lame Youtube videos and depressing self photography.

Jurors were told that Mr Evans was taken to hospital and a saline drip was used to clean his eyes. He was found to have suffered burns when the spice landed on him.
 

Now I bet you feel bad about laughing before. Also, my brother died that way.

He denies assault occasioning actual bodily harm. The trial continues.

It's only 2018 and we already have a strong contender for Trial of the Century.

Full Article. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Choose Your Own Adventure #14: The Forbidden Castle

I've been mostly doing Twist-a-Plot books lately, which is obviously not a positive trend that should continue. However, my inability to get my hands on Choose Your Own Adventure #13, next up in the semi-sequential order I've been doing these ($50 for badly damaged R.A. Montgomery drivel...pass) has slowed my progress a bit. I've finally decided to just skip it and jump ahead to today's subject, the sequel to Cave of Time. Yes kids, that sort of laziness is nothing new. There's probably a hip new By Balloon to the Sahara re-imagining/reboot coming soon, complete with an actual real person for an author.

Compounding the inherent laziness of a totally unnecessary sequel, this one is only going to be set in one time period and location, medieval England as imagined by a lazy American. I guess it could be argued that this more narrow focus might present a tighter narrative, but in reality I'm fully expecting a historical setting that was "researched" by watching an Errol Flynn movie with the sound off in a bar at 1 am.

Featuring floating medieval Zardoz head. "The sword is good..."

Like any real hardcore addictive personality type I promised I would quit the Cave of Time, and yet here I am taking another tab of acid entering the cave again. This time it's somehow "darker" which really doesn't jive very well with my knowledge of optics and the properties of light, but the upshot is I trip, fall, black out and wake up under a tree somewhere. Bum trip. I hear the sound of hooves and metallic clanking and wisely decide to hide my ass rather than face mounted robots or whatever is causing' all this.

How to "time travel."

Surprisingly the sounds aren't dressage androids, but are actually mounted knights. They're all "Did you solve the riddle of the Forbidden Castle?" and "Naw, brah, I got nothing." Apparently this is some sort of watered down Holy Grail analogue, complete with a reward from the King of "half of Wales" to the successful champion. It just better be the half with Wrexham or this is just another trick bag, that's all I'm saying.

With the predictable failure of their virtue quest established, they continue on about foreign spies and putting suspicious people into "dungeons." Man, this is better than Game of Thrones. Faced with the reality that I "can't hide forever" I decide to reveal myself to these canned heroes and hope that the well-known reputation of poorly educated and violent individuals from a time period where washing yourself was considered "Witchery" to handle novel stimuli and unusual obvious outsiders will carry me through.

They decide I must be a "spy" because of my unusual devil garments. Witch, heretic or non-accredited alchemist I would have accepted, but this seems somewhat illogical. I mean, an infiltrator would try to blend in, right? This is why you guys are going to be career heavy cavalry instead of realizing the dream of becoming an exchequer or catchpole. You got to use your head. 

 The real money is in wrangling up debtors, not silly honor quests.

So I get pitched into the dungeon. We finally get some of that legendary pre-Renaissance tolerance when another inmate fearfully declares that my clothes are "made by the devil!" Again, I know this era wasn't exactly an intellectual and social golden age, but you'd think people wouldn't immediately freak out at the sight of denim or whatever. It's slightly different material that probably looks a lot like what they're used to. It's not like I declared the Sun was the center of the Solar System or something.

Time to face the jurisprudence of this era. I'm marched to a stake surrounded by kindling. Yup, so far so good. After being assured that innocent people don't burn (I don't think you've actually tested this out, dude) I'm set on fire and die a horrific death. Well, that was tidy.  

For all my dawgs on City Councils that read this blog.

Another short run, ruined by an attempt at historical accuracy of all things. I can't really say much more about this one, I never really got out of the blocks. If you're looking for a portrayal of medieval times were the average person isn't a deeply superstitious idiot (those look like spy and/or devil threads!) this is not the place to go.

  Also available on eight inch floppy disk for your IBM 5150!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Pupils as Young as Six Act Out Drug and Rape Scenes from Grand Theft Auto

Why are the youth so bad, dumb, criminal, untidy and generally bereft of all value? This is the question our media is always struggling to answer, with wildly varying success. One possible explanation that keeps popping up is the evils of the joystick. No, not that, video games. And I'm not talking about critically panned Eye-talian racing games. I'm referring to soul killers like that car theft game, that one where you shoot stuff and Ms. Pac-Man (Out eating dots without a male relative acting as an escort? No veil? This is blasphemy!).

These mind rotters have even breached the citadel that is the not-quite nation of Wales. More evidence of society's coming morality-based cardiac episode, that's what this is. Let's see what's going on around here, yeah?

A HEADTEACHER has sent a letter to parents after becoming aware of “extremely concerning behaviour” of pupils, some as young as six, which he puts down to a violent video game.

I guess the caps lock was broken when this person received this formal title. Are you even aware, HEADTEACHER? Kids playing tag, running around and yelling...must be the insidious work of Murder Simulator 5: Operation Miami Beach.

Pupils at Coed-y-Brain Primary School, in Llanbradach, have been, according to head teacher Morian Morgan, “initiating games that involve simulating rape and sexual intercourse” and “having detailed discussion of drug use”. 

All right class, let's have a detailed discussion of drug use. For me, it started in the sixties, man. Yeah. *stares off into space for ten minutes*

Unless you count "Custer's Revenge" I don't think there's ever been a video game involving player-controlled sexual assault, but hey, in for a penny in for a pound when it comes to fear-mongering and alarmist over-reaction.

Staff at the school discovered that the worrying behaviour was a result of children coming into contact with Grand Theft Auto, or GTA, which follows the dark underworld of America’s biggest cities.

And please none of that "normal behavior that may sometimes seem shocking but is not pathological in any way" excuse making. We can tell the difference. This is the work of the X-Box devil.

Its latest instalment, Grand Theft Auto V, is thought to be one of the best-selling video games of all time, having sold more than 32 million copies worldwide.

Yeah, "thought to be." Superb research here, as usual. "There's some kind of rape game that might sell be best-selling that's mind-screwing kids." It's not like you could use some form of technology, maybe that so-called "information road," to check these facts. Nah, ignorant speculation is easier.

The letter to parents also said children were “acting out scenes from the game which include the strongest of sexual swear words”, “having conversations” about sexual acts and “play acting extremely violent games that sometimes result in actual injury”.

Examples of these extremely violent games that sometimes result in actual injury include touch football, duck-duck-goose and jumping rope.

He said: “I sent out the letter with some trepidation but I’m pleased I sent it because all the comments, as far as I’m aware, have been very supportive.

"Yeah, we don't like the little bastards either!" - The Parents

“The youngest child showing this kind of behaviour was a six-year-old but that is unusual. It was very much a minority re-enacting these acts.”

Sorry I kind of blew it out of proportion, exaggerated like crazy and just made things up. 

Full Article

Komment Korner  

"Man gets caught speeding after watching Formula 1 on the weekend". OMG lets ban Formula 1 off the TV.

Are we to assume then that you think shooting people is okay?

More SICK stuff from a sick Country that rules by the gun

 I was recently watching the film, The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo, on a recommendation

Here we have to deal with Obama and his socialist **** Communist tendencies to take down the country he hates.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.