Today's important news item combines two all-time favorites: American Cricket and days when the amount of heat (or "cold" if you want to be wrong) is low. In fact, you could argue that it's barely even a story at all, but with the ruins of that Chinese space station having crashed back to Earth, there isn't a lot of compelling things to talk about, so let's humor the meteorologist and pretend that winter hanging around, as it often does, is completely fascinating.
Remember opening day for the Rockies last year?
To be total honest with you, no I don't. Sorry.
It was mostly sunny with a high of 76°F!
The weather is warm and the sun is out!!! Wow!!!
This year’s home opener will be a stark contrast. In fact, it could end up being the coldest home opener in franchise history.
In all 23 years of the amazing and storied history of this for-profit baseball concern, this will be the lowest temperature. Just fascinating.
Friday’s forecast calls for a chance of rain and snow with a high somewhere around 40°F.
Hey, it wasn't my idea! Don't shoot the messenger!
Right now it looks like the rain and snow would start late Thursday and end late Friday morning which would be excellent timing since first pitch isn’t until 2:10 pm.
The freezing rain should stop in time for the "pitching," don't you worry your pretty little head.
It's a beautiful day for the old ball game.
Our fingers are crossed that nothing changes with the current timeline for precipitation!
We've sacrificed 40 heifers to Zeus, now we can only hope.
Here is a list of high and low temperatures for opening day in Denver…
Seriously, that's what you get. Here's a selected portion, full of amazing information.
April 5, 2013 – High 72, Low 44 (beat Padres) April 4, 2014 – High 52, Low 22 (beat Diamondbacks) April 10, 2015 – High 64, Low 32 (beat Cubs) April 8, 2016 – High 66, Low 34 (lost to Padres) April 7, 2017 – High 76, Low 47 (beat Dodgers)
They beat the Dodgers, a loss I'm pretty sure that team never recovered from.
When it comes to highly concentrated supernatural evil airports are probably not the first thing you think of, but today's video might just change that if you can face up to the awful truth. Granted, there's plenty of mundane evil at your average plane hole: little old ladies being strip-searched, goons with guns laughing at your privates as you're bathed in radiation, ridiculously high priced booze, the list goes on and on. However, according to some internet crank, this is just the tip of the iceberg and at least one airport might actually be housing extraterrestrials, political dissidents and/or the real birth certificate in secret underground tunnels. Turn off the part of your brain that controls the ability to doubt outrageous claims, put down the fluoridated tap-water poison and make sure your thoughts aren't being scanned because it's time to discover the secrets THEY don't want you to know!
That awkward feeling when the Third Party crank candidate is totally vindicated.
Surplus X-Files props are displayed while our narrator explains that history is full of unexplained events and then quickly clarifies that he means saucer people and spoon-bending and not real legitimate historical mysteries like who won the Korean War or why it took people so long to figure out the benefits of regular washing. We are then given the chance to chicken out if we're too sissy to learn about the unseen wire-pullers. Are you a bad enough dude to hear these highly implausible speculations? I will give a small amount of credit to this video for keeping the "Do you have the guts to take the red pill and find out how deep the Denver Airport really goes?" portion mercifully brief and not using the words "lemmings" or "sheeple."
I think for myself, which is why I listen mostly to Jenny McCarthy and anti-Semites.
We discuss Denver's growth as a city, one of maybe three or four statements in this entire video that is based in what some people call "reality." This economic boom led to the opening of a beautiful new airport and everyone was happy. The End.
Yeah, just kidding. You see, here's where is gets crazy. And that's not my opinion, either. The video has a special graphic and everything to inform us that we're now entering Crazyland. Please observe local laws. Or don't, who would even notice, right?
"You unlock this door with the key of extreme credulity..."
Yup, let's get nuts. A conspiracy theorist named Phil Schneider, who's credentials consist of...well, nothing, believes there's an underground base beneath the airport. I know if I was going to build a secret underground base that's where I would put it, assuming my first idea of putting it on the fifty yard line of the Mile High Stadium was rejected for some reason. But what in the world is down there? We get three possibilities: aliens (yeah, you knew that was coming), a concentration camp or one of those apocalypse survival shelters.
You're probably wondering what the evidence is for the existence of this multi-purpose basement of evil. The short answer is "none." The long answer is there's some ugly mural depicting "multi-culturalism" in the airport, complete with coffins, half-human soldiers and scenes of violence. All of this just screams "underground malevolence facility." See a picture of a white hand shaking a black hand? You're probably very close to a prison for space invaders.
New From Dan Brown: "The Communist Mural Code."
Why would the shape-shifting energy vampires that rule over us leave all this evidence? We are told it either suggests massive arrogance on the part of the Beast System or some rebel is trying to secretly warn us about the wild shit going down under the runway. When asked about these possibilities the artist's response was basically "please leave me alone." This proves he's been paid off by the One World Government. Because the alternative explanation that most modern art is awful just isn't plausible.
There's the obligatory "free mason" references (sorry Knights Templar, you didn't rate a mention). Then we really grasp for straws by discussing a time capsule and Navajo phrases cut into the floor. How any of this silliness proves the existence of extensive underground structures remains somewhat obscure, but I guess this is why you were given an imagination.
If that's not enough, what about this creepy blue horse statue. Honestly, it looks unusual! Explain that, Mr. Skeptic!
Secret underground Boise State fans, working to destroy the BCS...
Remember Phil Schneider, the guy who claims to know the New World Order's darkest secrets? We get some more tall tales out of him, including building numerous underground bases, participating in "alien human" battles and being monitored by invisible government agents. In other words he's so sane it's almost ridiculous. Then he turned up dead, with his "lecture materials" missing. I can imagine the mourning: "Hell yeah, NWO class is cancelled indefinitely, let's go drink Cherry Pucker and make lots of bad decisions! Woooo!!!!"
We get a quick summary and with nothing settled and the video ends. I was about to dismiss all this as paranoid ramblings from people with less than perfect mental health, but then I discovered an additional piece of evidence that blows this whole thing wide open! I'm going to post it below. Here it is friends, the horrible truth they tried to hide. I'll probably get murdered or at least audited for this, but it's worth it to present the real story.
Komment Korner
I live in colorado and travel a lot. I have been to DIA many many
times. None of those murals or paintings are in that airport...
Cocaine is helluva drug.
invisible government agents O.o We're screwed...
I like dia just have sex with some girl I met on the plane ride from salt lake. What a big airport:)
i ate burger king in that airport... then i had to potty.
Aaron Zehner wants to believe. His first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. Makes a great gift and excellent reading material for those long flights before you hit the Denver airport and join the mile beneath club.
It's time for more Choose Your Own Adventure goodness and where better to rejoin the series than with a book that one critic raved about with lines like "this is another average book" and "it's rather uncreatively (that's not actually a word, dude) developed." Wow, if that's doesn't get you pumped for this read-through I don't know what will. Let's get ready to thrill to the mediocrity and sink deep into the "uncreatively" realized world of the future!
World War 2 fighter planes...of the future!!!
And make no mistake, this is The Future, specifically 2045. The USA has collapsed (nice going Obama) and Balkanized, with an evil police state called Dorado and a relatively benevolent Democracy called Turtalia vying for control of the ruins. In a strange bit of reverse nepotism I've been sent on a dangerous spy mission to the Evil Empire, despite being the son of one of the "Panel of Five" that rules over the spiritual successor of America. The story starts with a prison break out and now I've got to cross hostile territory to get back home.
He seemed so trustworthy.
Joining me are resistance leader and action girl Mimla, the tough guy Matt, andquiet, nerdy, nervous guy Haven who is obviously either going to go crazy and/or betray us at some point. We're waiting for a "motor-glider" to come get us, but it's late by several hours. We decide to wait and Haven is getting more and more twitchy by the moment. Could you at least try to be subtle about your imminent psychological collapse? To really hammer the point home the author even flat-out tells us "there's something strange about him." Honestly, a giant neon arrow that says "Traitor" pointing at him would be about as subtle.
"I got your back, don't worry."
My patience is rewarded with the arrival of the plane. Wait, plane? I thought it was a "motor-glider." This must be that future naming convention deal where everything gets a new name for no good reason because future. Let me type that out on the alphabet-rectangle and then smile as I read it on the glowing box output device. Plusgood.
Anyway, the "Windmaster" is a 2012 (Future!!!) design that apparently combines glider features with that of an airplane because technology often takes unnecessary backward steps for no good reason. At least my in-book avatar is impressed, wishing he had one of his own. Unfortunately, the pilot, "Bill," picks this exact moment to have a heart attack. I mean, what are the odds? I'm all "don't worry, I've got glider training." You know what, we've seen this exact plot device before. In fairness, this one was written much earlier, so let's not jump to any conclusions or damn this book as "uncreative" just yet.
Come spend the night inside my sugar gliders.
Given a choice between flying and setting off across the desert in a truck it's not hard to decide, especially with my glider credentials. I manage to take off in the bizarre concept-plane and it isn't long before we're flying over some mountains. Then the next danger appears: cumulus clouds. No, not clouds! I'm told they could easily take the wings off, which even someone who never took a single class at a sugar glider school could tell you is not a good thing.
I get past the clouds. I guess when the threat is introduced and resolved in two short, consecutive paragraphs it kind of hurts the drama a little. Anyway, Matt is willing to take the controls for awhile so I can rest. Next we get a choice between "circling" and hoping the weather improves or making a run for Denver, capital of the New America. I don't think you escape anything by going in circles, just sayin'.
Heading into bad weather we get the Choose Your Own Adventure equivalent of one of those flight simulator computer games. It's just a little less complicated: up or not. Seeing as we're in mountains, I'm going to go with "up."
The long-awaited expansion, featuring 70% more ads for Red Bull and new "fly up" mode!
My extensive knowledge of flying (down = crash = bad) saves the day from the bad weather, but we're not out of this yet. Three Doradan "patrol planes" which are the World War 2 fighters depicted on the cover are closing in! I'm all "how did they know we were here" which is a fair question considering the limited range of that sort of plane combined with the bad weather and mountain range. It's almost as if there's someone in our group helping the enemy, perhaps a twitchy nervous fellow...nah, it's probably just very bad luck.
Obviously my lame glider isn't going to outrun this 1942 technology, so I duck into the clouds (now apparently no longer dangerous) and try to lose them. Friendly radio messages! We give some codes and get a dramatic moment where we wonder if it's going to work or if friendly fire will ironically get the job done where the enemy and Mother Nature failed. We get permission to land, Haven acts creepy again for no good reason and then we successfully touch down. Victory!
This one was fun. The plot is straightforward and there's a decent amount of tension. Sometimes less is more. You're in a hostile country, now escape. That works. The flight simulation that made up a decent amount of my run seemed reasonably realistic and the author probably knows at least a little, even if he doesn't hold an advanced sugar glider degree. Maybe finally getting another "good" ending is prejudicing me a little, but I'd say this one's worth a look. Just make sure you don't trust Haven, dude is sketchy, for real.
Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.comand Barnes & Noble.
