DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part VII

Previously on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we traveled (not drove, this is not a commercial vehicle) to Jolly Old England where we witnessed the blind aggression of a totalitarian state, we learned that you can't yell profanity in a public space without consequences, another window got smashed and a hero who wouldn't take off his hat in a courtroom for reasons that were never actually articulated got a ride in a wheelchair and a room in the painted concrete motel. Believe or not, today we're not only going to finish, but we have so little remaining material I'm going to have to throw in a special "bonus" video (lucky you, right?) just to make this an acceptable length (what she said, etc.).

For our final sovereign citizen we're back in Britain and this enemy of the state actually gets the courtesy of a blurred out face, a mercy Mister I Ain't Removing Muh Lid in No Court Room probably now wishes had been granted. It's time to blow into the breathalyzer and instead of citing the Articles of the Confederation or Hammurabi's Code our hero meekly complies. What kind of sovereign citizen is this? Next you'll just give the officer identification without a ten minute argument that concludes with a broken car window and repeated deployments of a taser.

Anyway, our faceless protagonist blows into the tyranny device. Despite the craven compliance just displayed, there's still going to be a ticket for some unknown violation, a state of affairs vigorously disputed by the last free man. The sticking point is it will be written in capital letters, one of the main weapons of the fascist state against us. Once they capitalize you, they can sell your birth certificate to China, if I'm correctly understanding how this outrage functions. We must never allow our names to typed out as "shouting," that's the bottom line.

Our unusually tractable free man casually promises to just take it to the "Supreme Courts" and the officer is all "Fine, sounds great." I'm sure a high court has nothing better to do than review the time this piece of work rolled a stop sign or whatever. On the other hand, our hero starts spouting legal mumbo jumbo and tells the brown shirt he'll owe "3 billion dollars" or "three pots of gold" (it's a cop, not a leprechaun, bro) for this incident. This is more like it. You've have totally redeemed your earlier compliance with this total nonsense.

Traffic violations aren't crimes according to People vs. Battle, laddie.

A voice-over closes us out. I guess this is like a classier continental version of "World's Wildest Police Videos." The traveler mentions appealing to "The Grand Master" and "Queen Victoria," earning what's basically a "Sod off, wanker" from a second officer. I just report this stuff. Some pointless bickering follows (I know, who would have thought) concluding with a claim to be a "shaman" that fails to gain the respect you would expect it to. With this whimper the video ends.

But don't leave yet! There's a totally lame slammin bonus video! Brought to us by someone or something called "Van Balion II," aka "Van the Man," it's one more classic traffic stop. We meet our less than impressive resistor, who is already asking for a badge number. Does that ever help or lead to anything good? My instincts tell me "no" and I'm pretty sure the officer's information will be on the ticket anyway, but on the other hand it antagonizes over-worked civil servants who are there for our protection, so you know it's good.

The tool of the Beast State explains that everything is already being recorded, so there's really no need to commit things to "the record" despite repeated requests. This is followed by a crash course in basic civics while the driver looks away at his recording device, seemingly doing his best to seduce the camera. Again, I just report this, I don't make it up.

Hello there beautiful. I didn't hear you come in.

The officer has clearly already lost all patience with this loser and demands ihnen papiern, bitte. Suffice it to say, this doesn't happen. Instead the last, best hope for a free and civil society again asks if this is "for the record," I guess forgetting those references to "everything is recorded" way back 30 seconds ago. "Are you under the influence?" Truly, angry cop is best cop. Honestly, make the request, repeat it maybe once, then break the window and apply the taser. No one who matters will care if you weren't polite to a fault.

Despite being a little blunt with the lover of liberty and high calorie meals, the officer still falls back into repeatedly asking for the required documents and we spin our wheels some more. It's apparently time to step out of the vehicle as we've gone from a civil offense to a criminal offense. "That's horrible!" If this guy breaks the window with his bare hands he'll officially become the best policeman we've seen in any of these seemingly endless sovereign citizen traffic stop videos.

"Maybe you watch too much T.V.!" Well, that would explain his voluptuous figure, but I think the information highway on the computer is responsible for this particular pathology. This is followed by giving the badge number and even the "commission card." Come on, break the damn window! All this sovereign citizen footage, it really does things to your perception of civil rights, let me tell you.

"I don't see why you're so angry?" Yeah, it really is quite the mystery. With that anti-climax, we're done. I need to get another hobby, this sovereign citizen stuff is not making me a better person.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.