News You Can't Use: Dead Goose Falls From Sky, Sends Waterfowl Hunter To Shock Trauma

I've decided to switch to a format of covering nothing but objects falling from the sky with tragi-comic results. Yes, I see big things for "Chicken Little Lectures" in the future, but maybe having somewhat regular posts would be a better starting point. In any case, today's offering barely even qualifies as a news story, quite frankly, but there's enough "that ain't no duck, son" controversy to make it worthwhile. Well, not really, but if I'm going to live with perpetual flat-pocket, I'm not about to surrender that sweet editorial control. Also, please ignore the "that isn't funny, this guy got really hurt and my brother died that way" aspects, it's for the best.

An Eastern Shore waterfowl hunter was flown to Shock Trauma Thursday, according to the Maryland Natural Resources Police.

When the hunter becomes the hunted, oh the irony. Seriously, ain't it heavy, man?

Investigators say 51-year-old Robert Meilhammer was hunting with others in Easton near the Miles River shortly before 5 p.m. when a dead goose fell from the sky, knocked unconscious and caused him head and facial injuries.

I love all the missing details and the fragmentary and intentionally misleading narrative. I mean, are geese simply falling like rain, did this guy shoot it, or is there some even more incredible alternative explanation? I feel we all deserve to know.

Maryland Natural Resources Police, Talbot County Sheriff’s Office deputies and local EMS responded to the scene.

Bird falls on armed man, multiple government agencies swing into action. Keep paying those taxes.

Out of an abundance of caution, it was decided to drive the victim by ambulance to Easton Airport, where he was airlifted to Shock Trauma for treatment.

Now it's time to grind in addition indignity with that whole "abundance of caution" line. Yes, this guy was such a wuss that after a kamikaze attack by a honking water-bird we needed several alphabet agencies to drag him into unnecessary medical care.

He has been listed in stable condition, according to officials.

The body will heal, the spirit is, presumably, permanently broken.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

He should have ducked.

Gives me Goose bumps just thinking about it

Back in school we had “Duck Drills”

No offense, but do Americans know the difference between a goose and a duck. The hunter shot and killed a duck but a dead goose fell out of the air and hit him on the head.

I wish Dr Walter Palmer’s arrow missed, and Cecil the lion mauled that demented dentist to death.

So many ugly, liberal comments on here. Many people like my father hunt for food. Chances are, this guy was hunting for that reason. Nobody wants to eat hormone infused meat from the store. I hope this man recovers. What a freak accident.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.