News You Can't Use: Dead Goose Falls From Sky, Sends Waterfowl Hunter To Shock Trauma

I've decided to switch to a format of covering nothing but objects falling from the sky with tragi-comic results. Yes, I see big things for "Chicken Little Lectures" in the future, but maybe having somewhat regular posts would be a better starting point. In any case, today's offering barely even qualifies as a news story, quite frankly, but there's enough "that ain't no duck, son" controversy to make it worthwhile. Well, not really, but if I'm going to live with perpetual flat-pocket, I'm not about to surrender that sweet editorial control. Also, please ignore the "that isn't funny, this guy got really hurt and my brother died that way" aspects, it's for the best.

An Eastern Shore waterfowl hunter was flown to Shock Trauma Thursday, according to the Maryland Natural Resources Police.

When the hunter becomes the hunted, oh the irony. Seriously, ain't it heavy, man?

Investigators say 51-year-old Robert Meilhammer was hunting with others in Easton near the Miles River shortly before 5 p.m. when a dead goose fell from the sky, knocked unconscious and caused him head and facial injuries.

I love all the missing details and the fragmentary and intentionally misleading narrative. I mean, are geese simply falling like rain, did this guy shoot it, or is there some even more incredible alternative explanation? I feel we all deserve to know.

Maryland Natural Resources Police, Talbot County Sheriff’s Office deputies and local EMS responded to the scene.

Bird falls on armed man, multiple government agencies swing into action. Keep paying those taxes.

Out of an abundance of caution, it was decided to drive the victim by ambulance to Easton Airport, where he was airlifted to Shock Trauma for treatment.

Now it's time to grind in addition indignity with that whole "abundance of caution" line. Yes, this guy was such a wuss that after a kamikaze attack by a honking water-bird we needed several alphabet agencies to drag him into unnecessary medical care.

He has been listed in stable condition, according to officials.

The body will heal, the spirit is, presumably, permanently broken.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

He should have ducked.

Gives me Goose bumps just thinking about it

Back in school we had “Duck Drills”

No offense, but do Americans know the difference between a goose and a duck. The hunter shot and killed a duck but a dead goose fell out of the air and hit him on the head.

I wish Dr Walter Palmer’s arrow missed, and Cecil the lion mauled that demented dentist to death.

So many ugly, liberal comments on here. Many people like my father hunt for food. Chances are, this guy was hunting for that reason. Nobody wants to eat hormone infused meat from the store. I hope this man recovers. What a freak accident.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: These Undercover Robot Animals are Helping in the Hunt for Poachers

Remember when a dentist shot some mega-fauna in a loser country and it dominated the "feed" of your personal information-gathering websites for a short while, displacing condescending stick figure cartoons? Well, all those "likes" apparently failed to converge into real-world change, but the good news is in the future there will be robots. Yes, with hunting season a scant seven months off now is clearly a good time to discuss how drone animals will play a valuable role in the process of blasting Bambi's mother.

Two men in Maryland recently achieved Internet infamy when they were temporarily banned from hunting after they’d used crossbows to shoot a deer on state land.

This stick man drawing is two guys from Maryland? Yeah, right. Instead they managed highly fleeting "infamy" a state that in today's modern world is even more unstable than traditional celebrity. Their "Welcome to Sherwood" antics were promptly defeated by the King's animal-bots, a few disapproving clucks from the usual quarters and back to slowly marching toward hateful oblivion.

Or so they thought.

Record scratch! Plot twist! Wacky, wacky, wacky.

The men had actually fallen prey to the ruse of a state-owned robotic deer, one of a growing number of remote-controlled decoys being used by American wildlife law enforcement to stop poachers.

I guess the steady spray of sparks from the Disney protagonist's sucking chest wound might have been a tip-off, but dat blood lust doe.

Across the nation, a small army of deer, elk, bear, turkey, fox and wolf dummies has been deployed to catch people who hunt in the wrong place, in the wrong season or otherwise illegally.

Fortunately there's enough tax revenue to easily afford blimp defense counter-measures, cyborg elks and many other essential programs.

The decoys look so alive because, well, they once were, said Brian Wolslegel, owner of the Wisconsin-based Custom Robotic Wildlife.  

I mean plastics and oil used to be dinosaurs or whatever, right?

Each year he sells as many as 100 whitetail deer, by far his most popular item. Officers, he said, tell him they make as much as $30,000 in fines off each fake animal.

This is proof that our society is not highly corrupt.

Robo-wildlife, it turns out, are pretty hard to kill.

I eventually destroyed the glistening steel super turkey by spraying it with liquid nitrogen and then shattering it into a million pieces. Then I got a $500 fine for illegal hunting.

Think you’re more observant than a poacher? Take this quiz to find out if you can tell a robo-animal from a live animal.

Stumped? Yeah, told you it would be difficult.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Video Shows Officer Confronting Man Filming Arrests In Towson

Hello again comrades, how are you doing on this beautiful day our government has given us? I trust you're busy winning that victory over yourself. I am also doing great. This glass of Victory Gin might be the best I've ever tasted, as you probably guessed by the tears of joy sliding down my nose. I just heard we've pretty much got that war in EastIran won, isn't that exciting? Yes, I think so too. Anyway, here's a story about all of our freedoms.

A man videotaped Baltimore County police as they arrested two people in Towson, but an altercation broke out between the man and officer. Now an investigation is underway.

Clearly the government and its hero servants are correct, as always.

I hate to break character but this has to be said. Videotaped? Really? I'm pretty sure it's all digital now. Is "recorded" really such a difficult concept for the average troglodyte that still gets their news from mainstream sources? Do we have to provide comforting references to yesterday's obsolete technology so that no one panics?

County police officials say they are concerned by the video and they’ve launched an investigation.

Or, more accurately "We're concerned about the negative reactions of the serfs so we're launching a cover-up."

Early Sunday morning, a man videotaped as Baltimore County police arrested two people in Towson. As the video rolled, he was confronted by an officer.

Again with the videotape and even "rolling." What is this? I picture a giant 1940s movie camera. I'd love to hear this reporter explain YouTube. "It's like a giant collection of VHS and Beta tapes! You don't even have to rewind them!"

“I’m allowed to do this,” he told the officer.

“Get it out of my face,” the officer replied.

“I have my rights,” the man said.

“You have no rights,” the officer said.

The land of the get out of my face and the home of no rights whatsoever.

“Do you see the police presence here? Do you see us all? We’re not [expletive] around. Do you understand? Do not disrespect us and do not not listen to us,” the officer said. “Now walk away and shut your [expletive] mouth or you’re going to jail, do you understand?”

Protect and serve, that's what we do.

Imagine this guy messing with your VHS camcorder...forever.

“I thought I had freedom of speech here,” the man said.

“You don’t. You just lost it,” the officer replied.
 

While you were watching those awesome late-season replacement television shows we stripped away your most basic rights. Just thought you'd like to know. Reasonable search and seizure protections? Sorry, they just took a walk. Not having to quarter soldiers in your house? That right just evaporated a moment ago, tough break.

“I think the officer in the video is extraordinarily agitated, hostile and unprofessional. I think it’s highly problematic,” said David Rocah, ACLU Maryland. “The fact that officers can act this way, knowing that they’re being filmed, I think shows a level of impunity that is quite troubling.”
 

Naw, it's all fine. Come on.

“There needs to be either further training for the police and perhaps some appropriate disciplinary action for this individual policeman,” Rosenberg said.

All right cadets, today we start our special "This is not a totalitarian nightmare state" training. 

In a statement, county police officials say they recognize and respect the rights of citizens to film officers on duty in a public place, unless the person filming has violated a law or statute.

You can do whatever you want...as long as it doesn't violate the millions of laws and statutes that clearly say you can't. 

In the interest of Right Think do not visit the source or watch the "tape" of the incident available there.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.