News You Can't Use: Mystery as Three Huge Steel Spheres Fall from Sky

After yet another lengthy "He's either dead or missing or something!" absence, it's fun to come back with an extremely important story of impoverished villagers, falling objects and a possible alien invasion. Yes, these things have more in common than you might think, at least if you're willing to turn off or kill with booze the logical part of your brain and accept obviously wrong interpretations that are then fully refuted by the poorly written article itself. Let's dive back in, this is going to be great.

Reports have emerged that the mysterious object disintegrated above eastern Brazil and northern Peru.

These are apparently the same nameless sources that kept reporting "Russian Collusion" for over a year. That awkward feeling when Wikipedia has much higher editorial standards than your lame click-bait article.

The bizarre incident was accompanied with loud booms. 

Boom, boom, boom, let's go back to my [sparsely populated South American wasteland]. We can disintegrate a mystery object all night and the resultant hysteria can make me feel right.

People living in Larancahuani, in the region of Puno, Peru, were reportedly left terrified when three metallic spheres crashed down.

My normally idyllic life in Larancahuani, which is totally a real place, honest, is interrupted by props from an AC/DC video falling to earth.

It prompted fears of an imminent meteorite impact or an alien invasion.

This is definitely the most parsimonious and rational explanation.

 Can we somehow get these to the wall?

According to the Peruvian Air Force, the incident may have been the spectacular reentry of the SL-23 rocket and three spherical objects were fuel tanks from a satellite.

Well, that explains that. Sorry. I guess "parts of a rocket fell into Peruvian backwater" isn't as likely to get you to "click" as wild speculation about meteor extinction events or "War of the Worlds" scenarios.

It comes as five circular UFOs were seen above California on January 13.

This other, unrelated panic is also highly credible.

NASA is also preparing celestial super blood moon event, not seen in more than 150 years.

Get ready, the super blood moon (!!!) is coming! And by "get ready" I mean maybe look up and notice it with mild appreciation, if it isn't too big of a bother.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

CNN scares me far more than these.

Not "...may have been..."  They ARE from a satellite!!

Space pawn shop has closed!

hoping it was that flat-earth dude with the rocket 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.