News You Can't Use: Chef Throws Chilli Powder in Complaining Customer's Face

Going to a restaurant just makes good sense. It solves that common problem of having a pocket stuffed with cash, it allows you to supplement a struggling actress's beggary wages with so-called "tipping" and nothing tastes better than warm food made by a potentially diseased total stranger, something otherwise completely unavailable in your pathetic, hedonistic and atomized life. Still, things can go wrong and you might end up taking a hot blast right to your face. And not in the good way.

Ejaculation.

A curry house owner threw chilli powder in a customer's eyes when he complained about "rubbery" chicken in the Prince of Bengal in Tonypandy, Wales.

When you're at a friends house and the food just ain't no good you pretty much have to grin and bear it, but no such restraints exist at a Welsh Indian cuisine simulator, obviously. Just be ready for some blow-back after you fire off your clever similes re: the disappointing entree.

A jury saw CCTV footage of Kamrul Islam, 47, which appears to show the chef throwing a large fistful of chilli powder in the face of a complaining diner. 

Some juries have all the luck. I got stuck with some "absentee father" hearing that involved absolutely no entertaining "decline and fall" multimedia whatsoever.

Mr Islam is on trial, accused of assault occasioning actual bodily harm on David Evans, who he threw the spice at on 21 January last year.

Yes, cooking spices caused permanent damage to my biological well-being. Give me money.

CCTV footage played at Merthyr Tydfil Crown Court depicted the moment Mr Evans followed Mr Islam to the kitchen.

Is it just me or does "Mr. Islam" sounds like a villain pro wrestler circa 2002?

Mr Islam says he was very frightened as he walked away from the table of the complaining Mr Evans and his wife, and that he picked up the chilli powder to defend himself from Mr Evans, who he said had clenched his fist in the doorway to the kitchen.

It's too bad there isn't some way this trial can end with everyone being punished, including the lawyers.

 How to use chili powder to win fights, etc.

The court heard Mr and Ms Evans ordered two Cobra beers and two bottles of wine but the couple said the second bottle of wine had not been started.

Now I know for sure that I'm a better person than these two profligates because I drink King Cobra, the ruler and sovereign of the their beer of choice. Don't let the smooth taste fool ya!

Ms Evans told the jury that she posted on Facebook about the incident the following day because she “wanted to tell the people of Tonypandy and the surrounding area that if they went there this is what they might be treated like”.

Still better than your usual poverty-tier memes, lame Youtube videos and depressing self photography.

Jurors were told that Mr Evans was taken to hospital and a saline drip was used to clean his eyes. He was found to have suffered burns when the spice landed on him.
 

Now I bet you feel bad about laughing before. Also, my brother died that way.

He denies assault occasioning actual bodily harm. The trial continues.

It's only 2018 and we already have a strong contender for Trial of the Century.

Full Article. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.