News You Can't Use: Domino’s Staff Member Forced to Kneel as a Gun is Pointed at his Head

Ordering cultural appropriation versions of Italian cuisine can easily turn into a total and complete disaster so it's probably not a surprise that every so often there's blow-back from the endlessly put-upon martyrs who just wanted a reasonably cheap and warm carb-load in a box left outside the front door. It's even less surprising when this sudden reversal takes place in a Southern Hemisphere penal colony. Yes, let's head Down Under to meet a man who was pushed too far by the whole "thirty minutes or less" trick bag and decided to perform a deleted scene from "Falling Down" on a wage slave.

Chilling footage of the moment a man pointed a shortened firearm in the face of a Domino’s Pizza Smithfield staff member has been released.

Chilling, just like the ice-cold pizza that came three hours after I ordered it. Seriously, I was wronged and my complaints are legitimate, how come no one cares?

Philip Raymond Willich was angry. He had been unable to get a discount when ordering his pizza on the phone.

Some smooth-talker told me I could get a deep discount if I mentioned my affiliation with the Professional Domino Player League, but it turned out to be a shuck.

So he went to the shop to confront the young staff member Isaac Ramsay, and asked him to step outside for a chat on October 21, 2015. 

Protip: When a confrontational yabbo wants to "chat" outside you should refuse.

Police Prosecutor Senior Sergeant Lisa Buchanan said Willich, 53, had wanted an apology.

I could have just said "sorry" and deescalated everything, but my fanatical loyalty to a place that produces something that tastes like a spicy rubber tire demanded I refuse.

When it wasn’t forthcoming he drew the weapon, which had been concealed under his clothes, and pointed it at Mr Ramsay’s head.

Looks like you're really going to earn that minimum wage today.

“It is the most serious common assault I have seen to obtain an apology for not getting a discount on a takeaway pizza,” Snr Sgt Buchanan said.

Yes. This was the worst version of that highly specific scenario I've ever seen.

“It wasn’t loaded but the victim wasn’t aware of that.” 

That's not a gun. THIS is a gun.

Snr Sgt Buchanan said Mr Ramsay was effectively “begging for his life”.

No apologies, though. I'd rather die than express regret that you didn't get a reduced price from my distant and faceless employer.

Under Queensland law, Willich must spend at least 12 months in jail because of the weapons charge.
 
It only took about two years to finally reach this conclusion. Now to start planning the cruel and unusual punishment.

Defence solicitor Paul Richardson handed up two comprehensive reports about his client, which described Willich has having narcissistic personality traits, high alcoholism and a depressive disorder.

I love myself so much, I'm profoundly depressed, time to drink lots of top-shelf booze.

 What do you mean this offer is expired? *pulls gun*

“The common assault was a very serious example of common assault,” Magistrate Alan Comans said, adding that they were also someone calculated.

This thing was an excellent example of this thing.

He committed the assault in the most menacing and frightening way.

As opposed to all those friendly and comforting assaults, I guess.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Chair Alerts Company How Long Employees Sit

If you're a nine to five desk jockey, or "sucker" if you prefer, you're probably used to enduring a certain amount of East Germany-style totalitarianism in the name of making your company slightly less of an unprofitable tax right-off until it is moved to Bora Bora. What you're probably not used to is having a nice sit ruined by pressure plates inserted in the old slave chair, but luckily that's about to change through the miracle of technology. The days of leaning and slouching costing The Corporation billions of dollars in lost work hours are officially over.

Office workers probably assume their boss can peek in on their corporate emails. But knowing — exactly — how long they've been sitting down on the job?

Read my mail, give me a pay cut because I posted a picture on an online narcissism site holding booze, make me wear a little red cap as a constant reminder of the pathetic submission that will be demanded, sure. But what about my chair rights? See you later, that's what.

That's the purpose of the "connected caster," an innocent-looking, weight-sensitive wheel that can be affixed to the bottom of an office chair.

Looks innocent, has been created to destroy any remaining vestiges of your personal autonomy. On the bright side it sounds like installation will only require several days and several hundred "It's still on wrong. Does anyone know how to work this thing?"

Detroit-based Tome Inc. worked on the product with  office furniture designer Humanscale — which makes a line of desks for standing up and working at.

The portion of Detroit that isn't currently on fire or under the rule of warlords sure is innovative and industrious.

Humanscale Founder and CEO, Robert King, says, "OfficeIQ is in line with our focus on
solutions that are inherently simple and easy to use, yet have a real impact on wellness in
the workplace. It can generate cost savings and help employers see real returns on their investments in developing healthier and happier places to work." 

"I've been a lot happier since they started monitoring my chair usage. Healthier, too." Single gin-scented tear slides down the side of face.

Humanscale says data on individual workers will be protected and employers receive only receive aggregated data.

Seems highly plausible.

 Better struggle to my feet so I don't get in trouble.

The company says the office software "gamifies" the experience.

It'll be like a wacky fun game! You like games, don't you? 

Individuals can receive activity scores and alerts with smart sit/stand reminders, while companies can set up teams to create "friendly" competition between departments.

Well, at least they had the common courtesy to put friendly in quotes.

Full Story.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: YouTube Offers U.S. Subscribers Paid Option With No Ads

If this is the only site on the internet you visit, something I do recommend, it's my duty to inform you that today is "future day" or something, celebrating the date mentioned in a 1989 movie when the hero would arrive in an amazing future. Suffice it to say this film's predictions regarding autumn of 2015, fueled by Reagan-era optimism and a desire to instill mirth rather than crushing despair in audiences, have proven less than accurate. There is no Jaws 10, self-tying shoes haven't even been seriously attempted, cars are boxy, economical and don't fly and skateboarding technology is, if anything, in retrograde since they stopped making those Tony Hawk television games.

On the other hand, this brave world is not without amazing innovations. Innovations like attaching commercials parasite-style to homemade videos and then offering a chance to make them go away in exchange for some fiat currency.

Alphabet Inc's YouTube will launch a $10-a-month subscription option in the United States on Oct. 28 that will allow viewers to watch videos from across the site without interruption from advertisements, the company said on Wednesday. 

The same ignorant and easily led herd that makes horrible garbage popular now has a chance to pay money for something that (shhhh, don't tell anyone I told you this) can be easily acquired for free. It's hard to imagine the motley assembly of suckers, mouth-breathers and Madison Avenue fantasy marks made flesh that will toss a Hamilton on this pile and it's maybe best not to try.

Starting early next year, the service called YouTube Red will add exclusive shows and movies from top YouTube creators including PewDiePie, Lilly Singh and The Fine Brothers.

This was the "horrible garbage" alluded to in the previous paragraph.

"Consumers are embracing paid subscriptions of ad-free content at an incredible pace," Robert Kyncl, YouTube's chief business officer, said at an event at YouTube's production space in Los Angeles.

"It's like you morons are willing to just give me money and all you get in exchange is a removal of obnoxious and insulting content that can already be defeated in a variety of ways. Man, I love getting paid off of you idiots."

The effort offers a new source of revenue for YouTube and its video creators.

It's like the traditional media is being slowly rebuilt piecemeal from first principles. Maybe call this service "cable television."

Rival streaming sites such as Vessel and Interactive Corp's Vimeo are luring online stars to their paid offerings, which provide creators a larger cut of revenue than they typically receive from YouTube's ad-supported videos. Facebook also is taking steps to boost video viewership on its site.

Any talk about this not being an intellectual golden age can now stop.

YouTube will continue to offer its free, ad-supported service, which has more than 1 billion viewers around the world.

That sure is a relief, now I can aggressively upbraid all the "Youtube is gonna end" and "Facebook gwine charge you startin' Nivbembar!" human units littering social media.

Sure told you! Well, gotta go pay my direct teevee bill.

Creators of 99 percent of the content watched on YouTube have agreed to make their videos available on YouTube Red, Kyncl said. 

The remaining videos are presumably investment tips, portfolio management, how I buy elections and other one percent material.

A Disney spokeswoman did not immediately respond for a request for comment.

Please respond. Fast Disney is fast.

The YouTube Red service will be available initially only in the United States.

Congratulations USA, you're the test market for this trick bag.

Users who sign up for YouTube Red through Apple Inc's app store will pay $13 a month.

Over the course of a few paragraphs the price has already gone up. What kind of jive is this?

YouTube also launched a new YouTube Music app that is free to watch with ads. Subscribers to YouTube Red can watch YouTube Music content without the ads.
 

You're not getting that hoverboard, stop asking.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Apparently people don't know you can block those ads for free with Firefox (using a plugin).

I'd rather eat McDonald's grey burger bun than pay YouTube $$ to filter out the ads.
 

in the eternal words of Judas Priest: 'You(tube) got another thing coming'

History repeats itself! This is how cable TV started

As my dad said, ignorance is expensive.

You lost me at poopoodie. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.