Showing posts with label Prostitution. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prostitution. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

News You Can't Use: Man Has 8 Minutes to Convince Prostitutes to Quit in New Reality Show

Are you looking for a good time? By that, of course, I mean are you interested in watching a scripted reality show where the hero must battle the clock to convince oldest profession members (No, not farmers. The other one) that they are on the wrong career track? Obviously, you are. Let's set the "Guilt Clock," prepare our best arguments and make sure we thoroughly wash our hands afterwards. It's time to save the world, learn valuable lessons about pecuniary intimacy and maybe last more than three episodes.

Sorry, I have trouble imagining a world where the "Whore Fixer" becomes a hugely successful franchise. I know, look out the window.

A&E has greenlit a provocative new reality series in which a man tries to convince prostitutes to quit their jobs.

High-brow cable television, friends. I guess that one where they catch wild pigs was a little too sophisticated, but this one definitely looks to hit that sweet spot between banal idiocy and intelligence insulting lurid drivel.

EW has learned exclusively that the network has ordered eight episodes of 8 Minutes (working title), a series featuring cop-turned-pastor Kevin Brown surprising escorts in hotel rooms and offering to rescue them from a life of trading sex for cash.

It's sort of like "Father Dowling Mysteries" except the mysteries will be things like "What do I get for ten dollars?" and "Are you aware that intimate acts carry physical and emotional consequences?" Man, can't wait.

In each episode, Brown has eight minutes to make his case.

Yeah, I got it. It really isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be. Granted, this is for the benefit of people who need the high concept of "Ow, My Balls!" explained to them, but still.

Executive producer Tom Forman (Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Great Food Truck Race) says the show was inspired by a 2013 LA Times article about Brown, an Orange County vice cop turned pastor who teamed with his church to create an undercover prostitute intervention operation.

"I was swimming in drugs and money when I read this article about Super Pope or whatever. My work here as a creative genius is done."

“This is one of those great shows that was actually happening whether anybody was shooting it or not,” Forman said.

I never really considered my totally righteous day-to-day life to be a "great show that nobody is shooting" but I certainly will from now on.

“Brown told his congregation that for 20 years he’s had to arrest these women when what he’s really wanted to do is help them. It launched a drive within his church to run these undercover operations. We read that and thought somebody should put a camera on this, it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard.”

Enforcing the law doesn't help anyone. Reality television does.

He doesn’t know when he calls. But after 20 years on the job, he can decode an ad or solicitation or posting on the Internet like no one you’ve ever seen.

This guy totally knows what a "girlfriend experience" is. He's like the street walker version of a Navaho Code Talker.

No one has been angry. No one has resented him for being offered an opportunity to leave a life that’s so hard, and so violent and so dangerous.

No one got angry about being paid to talk about themselves. It's hard to believe, but there it is.

This one is certainly edgy, and it’s a loud idea, and it’s a televised thriller.

It's extreme, it's cah-razy and totally in your face!

Not a significant source of non-distorted footage.

It’s already as real as it can possibly be.

Because there are different levels of "real."

We’re just trying to not screw it up.

These are the words of a man of vision, a man that will lead us.


Komment Korner  

I hear there is no laughing in Hell. So get them in while you can.

Exclusivity is actually pretty normal among any belief system.

There's big money in the rescue industry

Who did you hear that from? Citation needed.

I heard there was no "doin' it" in heaven


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

News you Can't Use: Man Calls 911 To Complain That Stripper Would Not Have Sex With Him

There's a right way and a wrong way to use the magical three digit number capable of summoning law enforcement or emergency services in about the same amount of time it takes to get a pizza delivered to your house. The wrong way is when there's any sort of problem or conflict that needs to be solved in the next thirty minutes. The right way is for body disposal and, apparently, for attempting to get refunds when the grind club quasi-prostitution crossed over into the real thing in your own mind and then failed to deliver on these delusional expectations.

After paying $350 for a private dance at a gentlemen’s club, a Montana man called police to complain that the stripper did not have sex with him.

And yet there's a few cranks out there that think the coarsening of society is not entirely a force for good.

I don't know what part of "Take your keys out of your pockets so you don't damage my butt implants" this guy interpreted as an invitation to the adult act. It's almost as if this is a sleazy idiot and not the "gentlemen" of high quality such a night spot generally attracts.

William McDaniel, 53, paid for the dance Saturday evening at Sagebrush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, a Butte suburb.

Nothing says "exotic" like a western shrub combined with a common male name. And hey, semi-legal gambling! I wonder if he would have made the same emergency call if someone split up two tens in blackjack.

But when he did not get the expected sex, he dialed 911 to register a consumer complaint.

"Nine One One. What's your emergency?"

"I'm at a strip club and spending money without result. Help!"

This was a mistake on McDaniel’s part.

This is about as true a statement as you'll ever read.

Did not receive "handsome John" discount.

After questioning McDaniel, police arrested him for offering money for sexual favors, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Butte-Silver Bow Detention Center, from which he was released Sunday morning after posting bond.

Sometimes it's just one of those days. First my wet-brain attempts to pay for intimacy fell through, then The Man is more interested in punishing the victim than correcting this horrific injustice.

It is unclear whether McDaniel (seen in the above mug shot) allegedly sought the sex in the Champagne Room at Sagebrush Sam’s, which has only one review on Yelp.

The lack of proper internet vetting from middle-age scumbags should have been a red flag. 

In March, “Dan M.” complained that the club “is dirty and smells like vomit” and needed a “complete makeover.”

Vomit and filth. Feeling amorous yet? I'm also looking forward to "Extreme Makeover: Semi-Brothel Edition" where we can tell the uplifting tale of cleaning up regurgitated food and making a "Champagne Room" worthy of having a ten minute long "date."

He added, “Even the stripper pole looked like it was going to break loose from the floor. Cleanliness and attitude need to be addressed. I will not go back.

"After five hours and several hundred dollars I left in disgust."


Komment Korner  

I was with a guy in the late 1970's and we drove to the South Bronx New York City and he got ripped off by streetwalkers and went to a nearby cop car. The cop told him if I arrest them I will also arrest you for solicitation! This guy was not playing with a full deck obviously. Good thing he didn't get arrested because I was 15 at the time and didn't know how to drive! South Bronx at night and a white teen is not a good mix to be out on the streets! BTW, I didn't get ripped off and had a happy ending in record time. Oh my gawd, she was so fugly, I was so happy to get that over with.

Wow, Brian Cox, Mike Ditka, and Tom Arnold had a love child.

where the heck is His Sign???

Ummmm...


Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

News You Can't Use: Florida John Offered Salad In Return For Sex

The economy is bad, just ask any story written on the subject since about 2006. Despite this truism, there are still people of vision in the world, people who attempt to win friends with salad. And by "friends" I mean a very good friend for the next ten to fifteen minutes who will then vanish forever. Yes, it's time for more wacky antics from the same "Florida Johns" that cost Al Gore the presidency and provide South Beach eye-ipecac.

Meet Alonzo Liverman.

Sounds like the subtitle for a proposed "Pretty Woman 2" sequel that was promptly shouted down in favor of another "sexy White collar criminal" film.

Short on cash, the 29-year-old Floridian allegedly offered to provide a salad to a prostitute in exchange for oral sex, according to cops.

We in the "industry" call this the "dinner and a show." Well, a rabbit dinner, anyway.

Liverman was arrested Monday morning during a reverse sting that netted nine other men for soliciting a prostitute.

I don't see what exactly makes this sting one of the "reverse" variety. Wouldn't a reverse sting try to entrap with criminal activity but instead of punishing anyone reward those who said "no" with government gimmes for their high moral character? That really doesn't sound so far-fetched these days.

The hookers in question were actually undercover Daytona Beach Police Department officers.

This is why you're supposed to be all "I gots a salad here. You ain't no cop, bay-bee?" instead of just the first part.

While negotiating a liaison with a female officer, Liverman--who was “operating a bicycle”--revealed that he did not have any money.

When you're using a ten-speed bike to try to pick up girls "broke as a joke" is probably a safe assumption.

“I’ll give you a blow job for a salad,” the cop declared.

This might be the greatest single line of literature ever penned in human history. We can all go retire, there's no topping this.

The document does not detail the location of Liverman’s salad (or its street value).

The "I got these cheeseburgers" guy from "Menace 2 Society" finally finds someone he can look down on.

Liverman was busted because he and the cop “agreed upon the sexual act in exchange for food,” investigators reported.

Not sure how this is different from this thing we call "dating."

It won't help you "do the Clinton" either.

Liverman was sentenced to two days in jail and fined $500.

The "reverse sting" cost the city $50,000.


Komment Korner 

Actually, it was her idea

cops are scum

He should have offered to take her to Dunkin Donuts. Then everyone would have gone home happy.

By offering the salad he was in essence saying "Lettuce Alone"

Maybe he should try offering a Big Mac next time.


Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.