News you Can't Use: Man Calls 911 To Complain That Stripper Would Not Have Sex With Him

There's a right way and a wrong way to use the magical three digit number capable of summoning law enforcement or emergency services in about the same amount of time it takes to get a pizza delivered to your house. The wrong way is when there's any sort of problem or conflict that needs to be solved in the next thirty minutes. The right way is for body disposal and, apparently, for attempting to get refunds when the grind club quasi-prostitution crossed over into the real thing in your own mind and then failed to deliver on these delusional expectations.

After paying $350 for a private dance at a gentlemen’s club, a Montana man called police to complain that the stripper did not have sex with him.

And yet there's a few cranks out there that think the coarsening of society is not entirely a force for good.

I don't know what part of "Take your keys out of your pockets so you don't damage my butt implants" this guy interpreted as an invitation to the adult act. It's almost as if this is a sleazy idiot and not the "gentlemen" of high quality such a night spot generally attracts.

William McDaniel, 53, paid for the dance Saturday evening at Sagebrush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, a Butte suburb.

Nothing says "exotic" like a western shrub combined with a common male name. And hey, semi-legal gambling! I wonder if he would have made the same emergency call if someone split up two tens in blackjack.

But when he did not get the expected sex, he dialed 911 to register a consumer complaint.

"Nine One One. What's your emergency?"

"I'm at a strip club and spending money without result. Help!"

This was a mistake on McDaniel’s part.

This is about as true a statement as you'll ever read.

Did not receive "handsome John" discount.

After questioning McDaniel, police arrested him for offering money for sexual favors, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Butte-Silver Bow Detention Center, from which he was released Sunday morning after posting bond.

Sometimes it's just one of those days. First my wet-brain attempts to pay for intimacy fell through, then The Man is more interested in punishing the victim than correcting this horrific injustice.

It is unclear whether McDaniel (seen in the above mug shot) allegedly sought the sex in the Champagne Room at Sagebrush Sam’s, which has only one review on Yelp.

The lack of proper internet vetting from middle-age scumbags should have been a red flag. 

In March, “Dan M.” complained that the club “is dirty and smells like vomit” and needed a “complete makeover.”

Vomit and filth. Feeling amorous yet? I'm also looking forward to "Extreme Makeover: Semi-Brothel Edition" where we can tell the uplifting tale of cleaning up regurgitated food and making a "Champagne Room" worthy of having a ten minute long "date."

He added, “Even the stripper pole looked like it was going to break loose from the floor. Cleanliness and attitude need to be addressed. I will not go back.

"After five hours and several hundred dollars I left in disgust."

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

I was with a guy in the late 1970's and we drove to the South Bronx New York City and he got ripped off by streetwalkers and went to a nearby cop car. The cop told him if I arrest them I will also arrest you for solicitation! This guy was not playing with a full deck obviously. Good thing he didn't get arrested because I was 15 at the time and didn't know how to drive! South Bronx at night and a white teen is not a good mix to be out on the streets! BTW, I didn't get ripped off and had a happy ending in record time. Oh my gawd, she was so fugly, I was so happy to get that over with.

Wow, Brian Cox, Mike Ditka, and Tom Arnold had a love child.

where the heck is His Sign???

Ummmm...

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

DotTeeVee: 12 mistakes managers make: at will employees

Am I properly managing my competencies, leveraging my synergies and jacking my dannies? Because I'm the successful businessperson of this new age and also a totally unaware knob I'm always asking these questions. Fortunately, there is help. I'm talking about training videos where we watch manager Goofus go full retard and then get a nice post-game breakdown from someone eager to sell us things. For example, today we will examine the issue of making grandiose promises that you can't possibly keep. Is it a good thing? The answer might surprise you. Well, actually it probably won't, but according to a "Build Your Blog Brand" seminar I've been attending I should use this first paragraph to make various bombastic statements to gain reader interest before vomiting out the dull drivel.

Today's feature is brought to us by the good people at "Rose's Dozen Manager's Guide." No, it's actually not a list of "Yo Mama" jokes for corporate suits. Instead it's a series of "best practices" to insure the sweet, sweet capitalism gets done and done well. For example, "Your words can bind the company." Wizard spells or perverted acts, which joke to make? Let's get to the managerial binding and discipline.

I guess every rose has its lessons, just like every CFO sings a sad, sad song.

Cheery music plays and our manager identification figure is joined already in action, talking to a potential hire about "work stations" and "customers." Yeah, that's business all right. Yup. I don't normally comment on video quality, but this one looks like it was, as the kids would say, "recorded with a potato, LOL, epic failz, YOLO, I'm functionally illiterate and there should be another world war to thin out our ranks and teach the rest of us some maturity."

All the hot Adam Smith talk is diverted somewhat by the introduction of "Marvin," an older gentleman who just happened to be all up in the work stations, for real.

 "Give it up for Marvin! This guy is The Man!"

Our "what not to do" hero wastes no time in putting over the virtues of Marvin. Specifically, he's the best computer technician the manager's mom (!!!) has ever seen. Wait, what? I thought this was advice for profit margin assassins, not momma's boys who are only employed because of nepotism and use their foolish words to "bind" their companies. "But my mom says I'm a good executive!" etc.

"I employ this computer stud named "Marvin" and own all these work stations.

We continue extolling the considerable virtues of Marvin as our clueless manager talks about his "fifteen years" and then foolishly gets all tangled up, or "bound" if you will, in his words by declaring there's excellent job security. Marvin assumes that "she's already hired," just as any sensible person would after mommy's favorite junior exec constructed a verbal cage for himself with poorly chosen vocabulary. I understand that you're enthusiastic about Marvin, who wouldn't be, but you know you just fudged up.

  "Good thing your mom's the boss, loser. I wonder if Marvin wants to hook up..."

A drum fill takes us away from this sorry scene and we're informed by a graphic that "Steve's mistake" was making crazy promises. Then we meet a woman I'm assuming is "Rose," who grinds in additional indignity by calling mom's devoted son "Mister Common Sense." We get some shilling for her product and then an evaluation of what we just saw. She bugs her eyes out and insists that our anti-hero could get in trouble "legally."

The solution: don't promise shit. If people try to force one out of you, just be all "I speak no English" and hide under a work station or behind Marvin. We are advised to consider all employees as "at will" meaning you should regard them more like units in a Command and Conquer game and less like human beings. Specifically, "you can fire them at any time, for any reason." "Marvin, I don't like that you're so bad-ass and make me look even worse by comparison. You're fired." I don't see any way that could lead to legal problems, as opposed to making an empty promise. 

"Marvin, I'm giving you about an hour to put your pants back on."

We close out with a narrated summary of what we were already told. Here we get the fine print that explains you can't just go firing people because they look at you cock-eyed and so on. We also discover that Montana doesn't have "employment at will." What they do have is not explained, so if you were watching this from Butte I'm so sorry it wasn't at all helpful.

I think we'd all rather not dwell on all of that. Instead, more Marvin!

Guess what else your mom says I'm the best at."

Komment Korner 

LMFAO!!

I love Leonardo DiCraprio in this movie!

this is awful i hate coprorate bull at will means your a niger your black your fired or your gay your fired or i dont like you I im in a bad mood your fired it doesnt matter all they have to say is your fired no reason.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.