News You Can't Use: Pennsylvania Prison Inmate’s Selfie Sparks Investigation

What Jeffrey Mattox posted on Facebook on Jan. 25 is now under investigation.

What could be causing this? Did he post a political opinion that would have been considered far left in 2007 but is now considered hate thought? A tiger selfie? Mild PG-13 nudity? One of the billions of comments, images or "likes" that is forbidden by our ruling plutocrats? As it turns out, the truth is both much less and so very much more. Okay, it's just less.

The problem is Mattox is a federal inmate housed at Lackawanna County Prison and he is not supposed to have a cell phone.

But how can our worst human beings serve their "dime" without that convenience: "I'm in my cell right now. Meet me in the exercise yard near the jungle gym. Yeah, bring that improvised stabbing device." This punishment is unusual and very cruel.

Yet, he posted the following: “This is 170 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.”

It's hard to get too angry when it's got a Pro Wrestling promo caption. This the body that the women love and the men love...to fear. Cough.

“It’s scary, it’s actually scary because they’re in there for a reason, they’re not in there to play around and how that cell phone got in there, that is the question,” said Colleen Mowery of Carbondale.

Well, I don't know. Maybe Angry Birds is teaching them the ultimate destructive futility of uncontrolled emotions and that one where you crush the candy is good for instilling useful job skills or something.

Mattox posted other pictures of himself, which appear to be snapped inside the prison.

Yeah. One would assume, what with the incarceration and all.

Mattox, who is locked up on drug and assault charges, regularly chatted with friends and family here, telling them to call him or even video chat.

Another non-violent drug offender wrongly imprisoned by a corrupt system. Wait, what did you say the other crime was? Oh.

Thick, solid and tight here in the jug.

This is the latest scandal to hit the Lackawanna County Prison.

Wow, it's almost like putting humans in cages doesn't fix anything.

“I think he’s in good with the guards and guards are bringing, the ones bringing the stuff in, that’s the only way it’s getting in there. Just got to tighten down the security with the guards, maybe clean house,” said Todd Mowery of Carbondale.

This clearly unrehearsed, rambling statement raises many excellent points.

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Apparently there are no mirrors in prison! 

I’m 61 years old and I look in waaaaay better shape than that criminal.

The solution is simple: cheap and easy ‘blocking’ technology could be easily installed.

Sadly, Jail and prison guards are not paid a decent wage and a small percentage of them lose their moral compass and offset their low pay with contraband like cell phones and even drugs.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Brazen Booze Thief Busted

Paying for your "booze" to create "black outs" is a bit of a trick bag, but what other options are there? Well, for a semi-literate piece of human garbage who believes there's a divine hand behind making bond after being arrested for theft, the solution is obvious. You just steal, get your wrist slapped and even gain minor "celebrity" courtesy of your horrible behavior that damages society. I mean, we've all winced at those ridiculous Gray Goose price tags, so this scumbag is sort of like a hero or something. This is civil disobedience against the high cost of "gettin' yo goose on."

A Louisiana woman yesterday surrendered to police after video of her brazen theft of booze from a Shreveport liquor store was released by a local crime stoppers group.

"Gentlemen, I have something to confess. I stole those bottles of night train. I now take up the suffering so my soul can be purified and redeemed in the crucible of just punishment."

Sekonie Jones, 37, was booked on a misdemeanor theft charge and subsequently bonded out of jail.

Well, it's not like we can punish everyone and we need to make room for political criminals.

As seen in the above surveillance footage, Jones last week swiped numerous bottles of alcohol from the Thrifty Discount Liquor & Wines store. It appears that security personnel were familiar with Jones since cameras began following her upon her entrance into the business.

Despite this vigilance, a morbidly obese woman with an I.Q. somewhere in the seventies was still able to pull off this incredible caper.

Jones--wearing a t-shirt with the words “Too Glam To Care”--stuffed bottles in her bag, bra, and underwear. Jones appears to have been aided by a younger woman.

I love the New York Dolls and I really don't care what you think about that.

The investigators were familiar with Jones since her lengthy rap sheet includes convictions for disturbing the peace; criminal damage; driving without a license; drinking in public; and five separate theft cases.

I'm sure she'll learn her lesson this time, unlike the previous fifty arrests.

In a Facebook post Wednesday, Jones declared that, “I hustle that's what I do ain't nobody gone give me SHIT.” She added, “please mind ur business and stay out mines please I'm going to turn myself in and bond out like I have before.”

Another public school success story.

In posts this morning, Jones wrote, “it s true what I did and it is what it is never did I think it would be this big” and “Lord i wake up i got 125 friend request, 2different news reporters want an interview with me ppl was willing to bond me out,lord I never would have thought this would end up like this.”

Friend requests and offers to fill local news slots with "look at this human horror show" train-wreck interviews? Truly, we have witnessed the Just Hand of God.

Full Article. 

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wow.. she sure sounds proud of her ... celebrity is it?

What a waste of oxygen, and tax dollars, and skin... lots of skin.

I hang people for a living. It's what I do.

Based on what I can see, it's CLEAR that she rarely hustles anywhere.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.