News You Can't Use: Feeling Out Of Sorts? It Might Be Something In Your Salad

I don't think I've ever seen a thin person drinking a "diet" soda and encounters with healthy salad-lovers are possibly even more rare. You might think this is because the green leaves lack any of the basic nutrients required to sustain the human organism and the person is slowly wasting away, but it turns out that's wrong. It's actually copper. Despite removing this most poisonous of metals from our pennies and no doubt saving millions of lives in the process it has returned, lurking inside fad starvation diet "super foods." This is what's actually causing your vegan "friends" to look half-dead and to be unable to shut up about their preferences in stomach filler.

Kale, coconuts, and avocados could be bad for you.

Better stick with lots of swine products, where at least we know for sure how it will ruin your life and don't have to engage in any speculation.

Experts say there’s something metallic lurking in those foods, in our water, and elsewhere that could be making us feel miserable.

Could it be that the tin-foil hat community was actually correct about "Franken-foods?"

“People will come in with very non-specific symptoms; they feel moody, have depression, difficulty falling asleep,” Dr. Svetlana Kogan explained. 

I came in feeling all shook up with ants in my pants and general man on fuzzy tree itching and my mean doctor said "Get that smile off your face, you'll be dead in three months." Then I went to the Moodiness Treatment Center of America.

After some investigation Dr. Kogan — an internist — said she found that copper is increasingly the culprit.

It seems fairly plausible, I'm not gonna lie.

“Copper is an essential element,” she explained.

I'm not anti-copper. I want to make this very clear from the start.

Certain foods like shellfish, leafy greens, cashews, and chickpeas are naturally high in copper.

This is why they're forbidden by Mosaic Law.

“These are wonderful things to have as part of our diet, but if somebody is consuming excess they could certainly be at risk,” she said.

It's healthy and wonderful, but it will kill you if you eat a little more.

“If you had six cups of coffee and you’re feeling jittery, that’s the feeling to describe copper toxicity,” she explained.

Imagine taking a bath in warm Dr. Pepper...it's a lot like that.

Environmental exposure to things like copper water pipes may also be a factor.

Don't forget power lines and loud noises! *takes a deep drag off cigarette*

“We always recommend to have your water tested,” said Rob Zadotti.

You can get a kit for that from Conspiracy Planet, Inc.

Zadotti, co-owner of Gold Medal Service, said if the PH of your water is not within a safe range it will start to deteriorate the lining of your copper pipes.

We're supposed to be bashing salad here, Z-man, not worrying about pipes.

As for treating copper toxicity, Kogan prescribed an infrared sauna.

Your local YMCA probably has one.

“Patient is literally sweating out the toxins,” she said.

Bleep bloop, human unit is literally emitting foul-smelling coolant via unknown process. I'm a doctor.

More importantly — as she outlines in her book ‘Diet Slave No More’ — Kogan said it’s important to eat foods that are balanced.
 
You just knew there would be a book. We're so sick of talent-free hacks trying to sell us waste-of-trees ink spills, am I right or what? 

“Full of rainbow colored vegetables and fruits, and avoid focusing on one group,” she said.

Make sure the color combination is pleasing and varied, that's important.

 #7 will blow your mind!

Prolonged use of estrogen medications such as birth control pulls may also contribute to an increased level of copper in the body.

Interfering with normal biological processes may be bad, we can't rule that out.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

It’s NOT COPPER,it is what they are SPRAYING IN OUR SKIES, LOOK UP!!!!

Does this now apply to “Tommy Copper” clothes as well? 

FAKE NEWS…. no substantial research done. It would be like reporting that long sea journeys caused scurvy for the British sailors of yore.

Go to geoengineeringwatch.org if you want to wake up.

That does it. I am going back to McDoubles.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Vegetarians Less Healthy, Lower Quality Of Life Than Meat-Eaters

I eat food. That's all there is to it, it's not a political statement or ideological minefield. If you told me my diet could be better, I'd laugh, agree with you and then make absolutely no changes. Somehow this works out and I've managed to neither waste away or develop real curves that you probably couldn't handle. Still, there are times, in my weaker moments when my natural hatred of cows and pigs has been temporarily appeased, when I wonder if there isn't a better a way, a way of glistening health, weak bones, madness, premature death and lots of self-satisfaction.

Vegetarians may have a lower BMI and drink alcohol sparingly, but vegetarian diets are tied to generally poorer health, poorer quality of life and a higher need for health care than their meat-eating counterparts.

No booze. Bad health. Constantly swiping that Obama card. This is why no one ever says "Man, I want to party hardy with those awesome vegetarians!"

A new study from the Medical University of Graz in Austria finds that vegetarians are more physically active, drink less alcohol and smoke less tobacco than those who consume meat in their diets.

This clean living earns a short of life of misery. As you might expect.

But the vegetarian diet — characterized by a low consumption of saturated fats and cholesterol that includes increased intake of fruits, vegetables and whole-grain products — carries elevated risks of cancer, allergies and mental health disorders.

Who knew that "can't stop yapping about my allegedly superior life style" is a mental illness. Eat a steak, it'll fix your developing psychosis.

Vegetarians were twice as likely to have allergies, a 50 percent increase in heart attacks and a 50 percent increase in incidences of cancer.

The vegetables do try to warn you off with their horrible taste. Will we see laws limiting and outlawing their consumption now? Or at least federal mandates on required burger intake? We've got to get those health care costs down, after all. This ballpark frank could save your life.

The most significant dietary habit difference between meat-eaters and vegetarians concerned their BMI and alcohol consumption – with both being higher for those who consume meat.

Well, it's not like you're going to have a beer to help bring out the delicious taste of that bowl of battered carrots and organic brown something or other.

Many past studies have instead put an emphasis on the health risks associated with red meat and carnivorous diets, but this study points the other dietary direction.

Everything you eat will kill you. You are going to die. The grave awaits. The common fate of humanity. Stop pretending this isn't true.

However, the researchers do caution that continuing studies will be needed to substantiate some of the rather broad dietary distinctions, associations presented in this current research.

"We're gonna need more money, of course."

"We don't. Which is why I've had three heart attacks and suffer from paranoid schizophrenia."

Vegetarians reported higher levels of impairment from disorders, chronic diseases, and “suffer significantly more often from anxiety/depression.”

I can see how eating endless foul tasting and hard-to-chew koala food could cause that depression.

Subjects who consumed lower amounts of animal fat were also linked to poor health care practices, such as avoidance of vaccinations and a lack of preventive care.

You mean that girl from "Singled Out" isn't a trustworthy source of health care information? No. I don't believe it. Yelling in an annoying fashion while directing all the guys with smaller endowments off a stage makes you more credible than any so-called doctor.

The researchers conclude: “Our study has shown that Austrian adults who consume a vegetarian diet are less healthy (in terms of cancer, allergies, and mental health disorders), have a lower quality of life, and also require more medical treatment.”

The line "Yeah. Suck on that health freaks." was removed from the final draft.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that healthy diets rich in fruits and vegetables may reduce the risk of cancer and other chronic diseases for all dietary groups.

As long as that healthy diet also contains plenty of dead animals and healthy brown liquors. 

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Vegetarian: Old Indian word for "Bad Hunter"

Ever met a vegetarian that isn't blowing their nose or coughing? Every vegetarian I know is constantly sick.

coarse they are going to die, they are not vegan they are test subjects of BIG FARMER!

There is nothing like a ham and cheese sandwitch.

Fifteen people and all are dead. Draw your own conclusions.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: The Benefits of Eating Bugs

What happens when you combine fad diets, lying scientists and our good friend the insect? Well, you get today's article obviously, I don't know what you expected to happen here. Yup, it's all the fun of "gross" foods, evolutionary biology and her patented "It might have been like this, maybe, use your imagination" just-so explanations and maybe the occasional dig at feckless modern humanity. Let's solve all our problems by shoving handfuls of mealworms into our catcher's glove faces.

You've probably heard of the Stone Age diet craze known as the Paleolithic Diet, made popular most recently by Dr. Loren Cordain's best-seller The Paleo Diet.

Everyday is a battle against the urge to give myself a phony doctorate and promptly vomit out a book full of junk science that would kill you if you actually followed it to the letter. Luckily, knowing who reads those sort of books, there shouldn't be too many causalities to this outrageous fraud I've committed in my own mind many, many times.

It's the one time, it seems, that being like a caveman is a good thing. 

I mean you wouldn't want to emulate the self-reliance, independence or unapologetic masculinity. We need you in that cubicle, after all. Eat bugs, sure.

The theory goes (and archaeological evidence corroborates) that early hunter-gatherers, while they may not have lived as long, still had some major health advantages on most of us modern humans.

Much healthier than you, but dead by twenty from a wasting disease. Do you see the inherent contradiction here?

Higher levels of physical activity also played a vital role in cave people's vitality, and so did their high levels of wild food consumption: wild game meat, gathered greens and fruits, and healthy fats such as nuts.

This massive speculation is science.

Cordain suggests that prior to the agricultural revolution, early humans ate this Paleo Diet for 2.5 million years.

Long, long ago, in a magical kingdom far, far away...

"From the time mammals first appeared until 50 million years ago — a total of 150 million years, three quarters of the entire time mammals have existed — our ancestors were primarily insectivorous," write S. Boyd Eaton and Dorothy A. Nelson in their paper "Calcium in Evolutionary Perspective."

Take at seat and get comfortable kids, S. Boyd Eaton and Dorthy Nelson are going to tell you a fairy story about our lemur-like forebears and their calcium consumption during the time of the Thunder Lizards.

It's easy to observe this early pre-human diet in the wild today, since versions of this prehistoric bug-guzzler still exist in the form of bush babies, tree shrews, and similar small mammals.

And let's be honest here, you're basically a glorified shrew or bush baby.

It turns out that for a certain size of primate, bugs are one of the best things on the planetary menu. If we were still that size, that's pretty much all we'd eat, too.

But this is America and we've got curves and only dogs dig on bones and you can't even handle all of this I bet.

But for whatever reason, we grew, in both body and brain size.

Then something happened for no discernible reason and the bush babies of the Jurassic are now walking upright, using glory holes and writing erotic stories about the living dead.

The problem was not with the bugs themselves, but just that we couldn't find enough of them.

The problem isn't you, termite mound. The problem is me. We drifted apart. I've grown in brain and body size. It was fun, but it was over. Please, just be glad it happened instead of angry it ended.

This is one of the miracles and geniuses of being a primate: our innate adaptability to different diets, also known as omnivory ("omni" = everything, "vory" = eating). We adapted so that we could eat everything and anything and still survive.

We even adapted special motor scooters and wet rags on poles to support this "everything and anything" lifestyle.

The main reason for this is that insects are a much higher quality food compared to things like leaves, fruits, flowers, and even nuts.

Yeah, that fad diet scam is really starting to take shape in my mind. "Eat all the flowers you want!" maybe? "Leave the fat with leaves?" Still needs some work.

Nutrition is sort of like money: If leaves represent dollar bills, fruits are fives, nuts are tens, and insects and other forms of animal flesh are crisp fifty-dollar bills.

A somewhat decent pizza would be equivalent to winning the lottery.

When you think of the hallmarks of evolution, what image pops up?

Fraudsters attaching human jaws to monkey skulls.

But like a dog that stares at the pointing finger instead of the ball

We missed out on all the ball-related GLORY.

In fact, as it turns out, the skill of collecting termites is easier observed than done.

Here at Career Institute University Employment College we'll teach you real job skills like fixing submarine engines and termite collection.

"Termites are a valuable source of protein, fat, and essential amino acids, in the diets of both primates and modern humans," wrote Backwell.

Lift balls to the walls + eat the termites from said walls = massive gains.

Let's imagine you are an evolving proto-human, and you have this excellent source of protein

It's sort of like in Altered Beast, except it's horrific vermin making you bigger instead of flying blue orbs.

As the author of the blog PaleoVeganology quips, "It's as though someone took a big can of Raid to the authors'

See, this is why no one ever says things like "Man, that scientist party was awfully crazy."

So steeped are they in their Western food bias and paleofantasies that the possibility of Paleolithic man fulfilling his nutrient requirements with a diet of creepy-crawlies never occurred to them.

Stop using your so-called life experience and eat these grubs I found under a rock.

Oh, how times have changed: When an early female hominid saw a bug and shrieked, it was in excitement, because hey, lunch.

We know everyone stopped reading this article about ten paragraphs ago during that whole "150 million years ago!" mess so we might as well sneak in some casual sexism.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

ACQUIRED CHARACTERISTICS CAN'T BE PASSED ON

I have given successful lectures (with question and answer period afterward) before evolutionist science faculty and students at various colleges/universities.

This gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I wonder how much PETA contributed to this article. I don't know where they find the time, I'm sure there's still some puppies and kitten that need to be killed in the back of a van somewhere

The way Lucifer Jr. is printing money & driving us into am imminent financial collapse, we will all be forced to eat grub, worms, & dirt.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: New Weight Loss Chip Implanted in the Arm Tells You When to Stop Eating

This week the middle portion of the North American Union will be celebrating some sort of hybrid gluttony/pretend to tolerate relatives you see three times a year festival. Maybe the attempts at human contact and politeness represent novelty, but the face-stuffing probably doesn't fall too far out of normal parameters for many. The upshot is we've got some weight issues. Fortunately, the invasive implantation of poorly tested and probably dangerous technology is rushing to the rescue.

A computer chip that could be implanted in an obese patient’s arm to help weight-loss is being developed by scientists.

Now they just have to develop some sort of drilling device to get through what doctors call "arm flab" or "fatceps." 

It would constantly check for fat in the blood and, when someone has eaten too much, release a hormone that sates hunger.

Technology can solve any problem, which is why we're currently living in an intellectual, spiritual and economic golden age.

In tests on mice, an early version of the device led to obese creatures eating less fatty food and shedding weight.

...and let's be real, you're just a glorified mouse. In fact, in many ways, you are the inferior of that particular vermin. Here, let me put things into your body to alter your behavior.

The Swiss researchers hope that within five to ten years they will have a version the size of a coin that can be slipped under the skin of a slimmer’s arm.

The current version is the size of a mini-refrigerator, requires two car batteries to power and has a bad habit of ordering the heart to stop beating. Give us a decade or so, all that will be fixed. In the meantime, keep on gorging, I guess.

The chip’s inventor, Professor Martin Fussenegger, said chips containing other combinations of genes could be developed to tackle other illnesses.

It could be used to prevent Wrong Think and control Face Crime! That will always be the dream, anyways.

If effective, it would provide an alternative to diet pills, which have to be taken several times a day, as well as to expensive and invasive obesity survey such as gastric banding.

Finally, a viable alternative to cotton balls.

The equal and opposite reaction.

It is also hoped it will be free of major side-effects.

It sure would be nice.

Being obese can knock up to nine years off a person’s life and raise the risk of a host of health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, stroke, infertility, depression and some cancers.

The opposing argument distills to "only dogs dig on bones" and "more cushion = sweeter pushing."

A spokesman for the researchers said: ‘Humankind has a weight problem.

You humans and your stupid minds. Stupid! Stupid!

Subject to funding, the chip could be tested on people for the first time in around three years.

In four years we should start seeing the first "1-800-BAD-CHIP" ads for class action lawsuits.

If it is shown to be safe and effective, it could be widely available a few years afterwards.

If not, we'll be digging some extra-wide graves.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

Whatever happened to good old self control.

It would be nice if Democrats had a device to tell them to stop speaking if a lie is detected. 0bama would not get past "Good morning."

Think this is bad? Wait for the Obamacare chip that tells you when to stop breathing.

Doesn't that already exist in our brains????

Diet and excerise simply aren't viable

Shill Section  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: ‘Cotton-Ball Diet’ Rotten, Say Nutritionists

Fad diets are here to stay. Whether it's something sensible like only eating swine products, something wacky like combining exercise with balanced nutrition or something so wicked sexy I'm almost ready to go right now like the "Eat whatever you want...for three minutes...once a year" diet there's plenty of options and more on the way. In a land with a strategic soda reserve that would last for decades and what could uncharitably be called hippos of the, well, hungry variety, we need it.

Doctors and nutritionists are warning against what may be a new weight loss fad…the “cotton-ball diet.”

Leave it to so-called "experts" to find fault in consuming something that, strictly speaking, isn't edible.

Several Youtube videos have been popping up claiming it’s a good way to lose weight, reports MedicalDaily.com.

Did I read that in an accredited medical journal or see it in a two minute video filmed in a trailer's bathroom? The answer to that question actually may have some baring on the value of the health and lifestyle advice you just received.

In the videos, young girls girls soak cotton balls into orange juice or lemonade in order to add taste.

I'm not a big lemonade fan, but do you really think cotton wadding would improve the flavor?

The idea is to eat the cotton balls to limit the amount of food a person eats during the day.

Other strategies include gluing your mouth shut, having someone choke you unconscious whenever you're tempted or hooking all the pastries in the house to electrodes that will deliver power, behavior-shaping shocks.

Extreme dieters say the cotton expands in the stomach and tricks the body into thinking its full.

Let's take this thing to the EXTREME!!!!!!11111oneoneone Wooooo!!!! Cotton down the throat!!! Watch this radical skateboard stunt!!! Aw yeah! 23 Skiddoo!

“The problem being that taking the non-nutritive foods is you’re not getting the vitamins, the minerals, the calories, the proteins, the fats that our bodies need to survive off of,” manager of Fairwinds Eating Disorder Program, Kourtney Gordon, told WTSP. “So you can have a lot of growth and development issues, you can have complications of being malnourished.”

I never really thought of personal care items, or for that matter other objects like, say, tables, as "non-nutritive foods" but I certainly will from now on.

Cotton ball man says, "Hey kids, eating me isn't cool!"

Your usual ad-laden CBS site containing the original story, don't visit for any reason: http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2013/11/22/cotton-ball-diet-rotten-say-nutritionists/
 

Komment Korner  

Do the cotton balls make it a high fiber diet?

Kids today are so fat compared to yesteryear.

Can you buy cotton balls with the EBT card?

Wonder what Obama eats to fill HIS Kenyan skull?

In fact, there's a whole category out there called "actual food."

Shill Section  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.