We've seen the traffic stops, but what happens afterward, when delusional sovereign citizens must face the fair and speedy trial? This is an important question that deserves a through answer, but instead I'm going to review a two and a half minute video and consider the matter closed. In today's subject, a citizen resistor confronts a judge (and some lesser civil servants who go uncredited) and discovers there's a lot less patience to be had in this environment than on the shoulder of some interstate after you drove your "flat earth" truthing "property" without a license plate because of freedom.
Anyways, our Free Man of the Land is already stirred up when the amazing footage begins, yelling "Insubordination!" at a bailiff because that's a logical thing to do. I don't think that word means what you think it does. The heroic beardo continues, blasting the state employee for letting down the public trust. I guess that all happened (and rest assured, it's no doubt legitimate) before this particular video began. We can only speculate over the usurpation that occurred. Asking him to take his hat off? Who knows.
Another individual enters, mumbling about the imminent arrival of the judge. This is like a top-quality stage play, full of bravura performances and challenging themes, to say nothing of the champion tier dialogue. "Am I Being Detained," a critically acclaimed single act avant-garde inquisition into freedom and responsibility. After some heavy silence while the new arrival walks over to his mark, our sovereign asks the assembled trope of low-level authorities if they want to make any "counter-claims." You really don't understand this whole "legal system" thing.
It is the bright day that brings forth the adder
And that craves wary walking. Crown him that,
And then I grant we put a sting in him
That at his will he may do danger with.
We're then told that "failure to answer is consent." There's so much wrong with this statement and so many troubling implications, I'm not sure where to begin. Believe it or not, it turns out that, legally, a lack of a response can never be interpreted as an agreement to something, but on the other hand you can just make things up as you go. The millennial Perry Mason, everyone. The last hope of a free and fair society makes passive-aggressive comments about the literacy of the court employees and then just reads the nonsense out loud anyway. Suffice it to say, we get some garbled legalese that doesn't actually confer anything resembling a lucid meaning. The court room is like a wizard battle, just shout the magic words you don't understand and then you win.
Am I being summoned? Am I free to go?
The babbling concludes with a "Do you agree?" paired with a lean-in of anticipation. Honestly, this is fake dinner theater I'm watching, right? Believe it or not, agreement is not obtained from the well-fed tool of the fascist regime we live under. Instead, he saunters past, the bright yellow hilt of the taser clearly visible. Anton Chekhov would be proud of this high-quality foreshadowing.
We get some fairly standard issue "I do not consent!" which is pretty bizarre, considering no one has made any request of the Article Four Inhabitant, but again, you want to check all the boxes. Let's discuss municipalities! Before this can turn into a thrilling Sunday morning local politics show, however, our hero demands to know who the "gatekeeper" is. Legal drama or high fantasy, it's a lot harder to tell the difference than you might initially expect.
What the hell are you talking about, cartoon from 2010?
Next it's time to question the "venue." John Grisham, eat your heart out and move over. It turns out we're in Oklahoma, so maybe this should've been a musical. Anyway, the judge is here and it's time for the "all rise" tyranny that any non-slave must reject. "I object!" You know, maybe watching half an episode of "Matlock" after taking krokodil didn't really adequately prepare you for this. The judge starts laying down the suppression. Who does this guy think he is, God? Far out, man.
The Sovereign Citizen is promptly arrested. I know, who could have predicted? In fine literary propriety, the shock gun is deployed just as the video ends.
Komment Korner
lol dang where is the rest of the video. I want to see the camera guy get beat up to
He's in court no doubt for failing to a provide his drivers license during a routine traffic stop, probably got one of his windows smashed as well.
I can't believe those servants did that to a sovereign citizen! He even gave them a lawful order to stand down and they refused!!
It's ever so much fun when they get tased! :)
Mans that's some concentrated crazy right there
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
I'm still hoping to get this scintillating inquiry into the most highly legitimate political movement in today's America (and Canada!) finished before the heat death, so we better get at it. Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met the man who briefly denied his beliefs before having a moment of glorious redemption and then getting promptly wrecked, we discussed the implications of confronting a canine fascist accuser and an attempt to actually pull a "nine-tenths of the law" swift one failed miserably. Let's dig in for some more!
We hit the ground running with out shirtless and tattooed "free man" fleeing law enforcement in his personal means of travel (it's not a car because it's not for commercial usage). We pan around the private property's interior, revealing a pile of undifferentiated garbage in the back seat and the rather twitchy demeanor of the Free Man of the Land. More wild camera work follows as a police chase that apparently wasn't sufficiently wild enough to make it on one of those "special interests" VHS rentals concludes. We do get a nice shot of our hero's extremely impressive torso, so there's that. "Let me see your hands!" How can I trick-talk my way out of this one?
The hero we deserve.
"Who are you?" Yes, that's a quality rejoinder. Sirens, a gun, a badge, it really is an impenetrable mystery. Please explain yourself. We're quickly informed it's the "police," which I never would have guessed in a million attempts. This is followed by an attempt to claim that the scumbag Murrican answer to Ghandi is in "his own jurisdiction" and as such is immune to all laws. If that wasn't enough, he also didn't do anything. Is it wrong that I'm hoping "Mad Cop Disease" will kick in and this piece of work will get stomped?
Instead, a failed "broken wrist" gambit fails to prevent the cuffing and the scene abruptly ends, just as I was fully engaged in the action.
Next up is footage of a face-cam on a phone, like this is an episode of The Jetsons or something. Man, the miraculous future we live in. What amazing message is being transmitted over this science as magic, you ask? Something about "breaking the lock" after eviction, which is just crazy enough to succeed, I feel. Addition profanity and passive-aggressive threats toward the police follow, as if this scuzzy character is cutting a backyard wrestling promo in 1999 or something. Again, it just ends there, without any actual "ownage." I'm getting a little worried. Maybe the uploader thought no one would watch all the way through, but I'm nothing if not persistent in the most work-shy way possible.
Am I being detained?
How about some highly avant-garde footage of a floor and shoes? Meanwhile, the owner of said footwear claims to be a "non-resident alien" as if this would grant you special rights and freedom from legal obligations. I know, that's just crazy, who would ever get that kind of idea? It turns out its time to get a van. "I don't take orders from you!" We must never build a wall on our border, it's immoral and bad and you're a good person, right?
Apparently, our "dreamer" wants to take the cars of the police, to make up for the crimes committed involving his family. For whatever reason, this isn't happening. Come on, it's the right thing to do. This is not who we are. Next clip, please.
The latest Resistor claims he doesn't even have a name. Could this be an even more powerful version of the "I'm my own jurisdiction" end-around that failed so miserably earlier in today's clip? Time to argue with some desk officers. I bet this achieves a lot.
"I'm serving notice!" Then we go round and round with that game where both sides talk past each other and nothing gets accomplished, one of my favorite activities. "I do not consent to killing children!" "How can I help you?" that sort of thing.
After an unsupported claim of having strong sanity it's back to arguing who has authority and to what extent. It's like a John Stuart Mill book came alive, wow. The officer is still wondering what he can do about our hero renouncing his participation in absolutely everything. An effort is made to wrap this up. "I do not consent!"
"The door's right there." Don't let it hit you. Another officer joins this experiment in individual value, demanding the Free Man go outside. Don't do it, that's where all the brutality happens! Sadly, the only other alternative is a "jail cell." Also, "don't do this in front of kids!" Won't somebody, etc.
Instead of meekly leaving, however, it's time to claim victory. "I'm the King!" They are then told "Don't come back," as the potato filming this nonsense completely breaks down into pixelated visual puke.
We conclude with one of those Twenty Minutes investigative reporting deals you used to get from the fake news monopoly before they switched to the all Russia format we've had for the past year. An "expert" who is probably less qualified than I am after watching all these Youtube videos, explains that Sovereign Citizens believe our names are sold to foreign investors and somewhere in Bahrain or wherever someone is probably hoping to short-sell mine.
Actually, China is the big purchaser, we're told. Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense. See you eight months from now with Part VI.
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
I know, I promised this over a month ago and then failed miserably on the old follow-through. In my defense I didn't realize how difficult it would be to slog through nearly an hour worth of freedom getting wrecked by the worst imaginable tyrannies. I started to feel like I was being detained myself, but then I remembered I was free to go. Fortunately for the sports gambling and stock market bots that frequent this blog I've decided to voluntarily restore joinder with this amazing and critically acclaimed inquisition into the Sovereign Citizen movement, so let's dive right back in. Last time we learned that our birth certificates are bought and sold on the Chinese Dry Goods Exchange, we met an "activist" who failed to defuse a police encounter by offering Pepsi and nearly paid the ultimate price and we discovered that there is such a thing as "too cute" in a dog. Today, we've got even more life lessons, or at least that would be a sensible presumption.
We get off to a hot start by meeting a man who resembles Willy Wonka's far less successful younger brother. Something tells me that we're going to end this segment with a "You lose, good day sir!" Just a wild guess. Anyway, the Wilder Lite is in the middle of a call to some agent of the Beast System. It might be a badge fascist, since he's already getting read his rights from whoever is on the other end of the line. Not the best start to my efforts to buy back my birth certificate from East Asia. "Anything I say can be used against me in a court of law?" outrages the Free Man and this is quickly confirmed.
Slugworth stole my recipe for balloon candy? What?
When asked to clarify his understanding of the situation the resistor declares that his rights emanate from God and not something a police officer reads off a tiny card. This is the hero we don't deserve. "I'm in charge!" he insists, which is right up there with "You can't arrest me" and "I was told I'm special and unique" when it comes to impotent bravado. To punctuate this limp stand against evil he rises out of the chair, giving us a nice close-up of the frontal "area" before walking away from the camera. Low production values and poor blocking in a homemade Sovereign Citizen recording? It's more likely than you might expect.
A blanket denial of understanding the plain English that was read off a laminated piece of paper follows, while baby and dog noises from off-camera add to the surreal atmosphere. A question about an "attorney" earns an outraged "What???" Ignorance of that obscure and rarely seen profession is certainly understandable. Suffice it to say, there is no legal representation for the Man They Can't Break. Without any resolution, it's over. This entire segment seemed more like some sort of lazy student film. It's called "Free Wonka," dudemar. It's, like, a commentary on the shackles that bind us to this dying society or whatever. Real hype stuff, I still have to put in some music and fix all the mistakes like that extreme crotch shot in editing.
Back to cuffing one of the losers from last week month while flashing lights threaten to trigger epilepsy. "Where's the blood coming from?" My best guess, and this is just a guess, would be "cuts in your flesh." While the speculation continues the man who refuses to be a barcode for a soulless nightmare state yells semi-coherently about "mob mentality" which would make a little more sense if he was being lynched instead of arrested by duly appointed officers. I mean, it's really a good point, never mind that. Mobs, man. That diffusion of responsibility doe.
Am I under arrest? Am I free to leave?
Time to discuss our rights, namely the right to be an "asshole" after tackling. This was originally going to be the Third Amendment before we got that weird bit about quartering soldiers in our homes. Additional potty mouth follows. "I'll stop when I'm done!" Whoa, totally far-out and with it, man. Take that, establishment. He apparently is done, because we cut away.
Next up is more footage I've already examined in loving detail. The short version is a southern-fried version of the T-1000 breaks a car's window barehanded in pursuit of humanity's last, best hope. Which turns out to be some goof who was "traveling" and refuses to give the papiern. Then he gets zapped with a tazer. Seriously, if you love the genre of Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned, and you shouldn't be reading this if you don't, this one is top shelf.
Back to our telephone calling, attorney ignoring, suit wearing, wonka-looking son-of-a-gun. He's back out of the chair, leaving more "fix it in post" work for the aspiring filmmaker. Now the stranger on the other end is asking for a "Last Name," probably so he can sell it on the gray market. While this happens we get more waist-down shots. Seriously, I don't really need this in my life.
We leave our daylight caller, again without any resolution, for a news report from the Mainstream Media! Here comes the rigorous honesty, impartial balance and sincere desire to educate and improve the populace, in other words. The fake news du jour focuses on a Sovereign Citizen squatting in a 3 million dollar mansion. The police politely asked this person to leave, but no compliance followed and it's not like we have a legal monopoly on coercive force or anything so here we are. Ordinary slave citizens express bemusement, but what you're looking at is called "freedom," sheeple. It turns out that a woman "took over" the abandoned home. I know, what is even going on here?
Believe it or not, she has a so-called "criminal record" for trying to run over Brown Shirts in a traffic stop. And that's all for this highly polished and compelling tale from the local news. Will we use the rule of law to evict this decent and highly sane individual, or will "I do not consent to being arrested!" work for the first time ever? I don't know, it just ends abruptly.
More to come, hopefully in a more timely fashion!
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
I used to have a difficult time relating to the pathetic, broken losers who camp out waiting for a sequel to be released, wasting the precious gift of life anticipating an escapist fantasy that is sure to be a disappointment because of its inherent limitations. I guess I still do, but on the other hand I'm mad hype for the long-awaited second edition of sovereign citizens trying their "this is not the car without plates you're looking for" mind tricks only to suffer the ignominy of being "owned." With another forty-plus minutes to get through it looks like this will be my new Saturday night thing.
Unlike most Part Twos we don't waste any time catching the viewer back up or explaining the premise for newcomers. Instead we're already deep in the conflict between Free Men of the Land and the 1984 nightmare state as an unseen fascist politely asks for ihnen papiern, bitte. Of course, it can't be that easy, otherwise we might not get wrecked. Our full-faced hero of the pound-sign resistance explains that he's "the human being that owns the entity." Could this be the new word magic? Just call your car an "entity" like in one of those PG-13 horror films about hauntings and you should be off the hook. It's not like you're going to get your window broken or zapped with a taser or bracelets behind the back, that's for sure.
For all your traveling needs.
We get a request for insurance and, incredibly, compliance follows. Shouldn't you be citing the Articles of the Confederation at this point? Come on, man. He even shows his license to the friendly face of totalitarian evil! Just as I'm about to lose all hope (We are the dead, etc.) the officer notes that he's "never seen a license like this before?" Excuse me officer, but this License to Oogle is pretty standard issue and thoroughly legitimate. I also have a "Female Body Inspector" card if you need to see that.
We skip ahead, mercifully, to our anti-hero explaining that his narcotics are legitimate prescription Colorado Cools, and as such perfectly legal. Still he's "under arrest for marijuana." Meanwhile the goon squad slips on a black glove, no doubt in preparation for massive Constitutional violations. What about, like, my right to get nice and evenly baked? Is that even factoring into the decision process here?
I'm gonna need you to smell the glove.
Our identification figure continues to argue his "lawful right" to get blown, but it's clear this is a losing battle, what with the lack of case law from the eighteenth century being cited. No wonder they call it dope. The door is opened and the full-figured champion of the sacred freedoms of this land insists he isn't being arrested, despite considerable evidence to the contrary. The owning finally occurs as our hemp smoking friend is shoved into the side of the car with a satisfying "Ow!" Then it's back to insisting his Satan Weed is actually "medicinal" before being driven to the ground.
"I'm not resisting!" is said repeatedly while the Chong this generation deserves flops like a freshly landed halibut on the pavement. The cuffs are put on while he continues to rant ineffectually about his right to get lit. Another weedhead defeated, good work officer.
We jump to the next vignette, where our unseen narrator records a police car pulling up with obscene resignation. Heavy breathing follows. Seriously, we get a lengthy piece of video that is nothing but painful sounding huffing and puffing while the police state leisurely gets into position. Apparently the free citizen's own erratic behavior (walking into traffic, screaming, etc) provoked the arrival of the goon squad, a likely story. This is tyranny. Despite "not consenting to contact" the no-nonsense cop, I mean criminal with a badge, demands a "favor." I wonder how this will play out?
I bet this guy wants to hear all about admiralty law.
"Step away from the bag!" Meanwhile more officers are arriving. You wanted attention, now you have it. No one wants to discuss probable cause, and our cameraman is instead told to sit down. No way, beast system. I have a right to scream menacing nonsense at random passerby. Some barely legible red text on the screen provides a massive spoiler for what is about to happen (Assault!) and sure enough after trying to leave it's time to roll on the ground with help from the oppression squad. Sadly the camera got turned off by the officers during the struggle (how convenient!) and you'll just have to imagine the worst, I guess.
New scene, a Ford Truck from the distant past, before the average cab height was about ten feet in the air, disgorges a scruffy sovereign citizen. He's told to "stand at the front of the car" but comes back with an impressive "Why?" Checkmate, dictatorship.
Another rejected Travis Bickle audition.
Ford Truck Driver is told to "have a seat" on the car. What is it with gestapo wanting us to sit down, man? It's bad for the circulation, unlike my "medicine." The last free man complies, showing off his impressive mane of lightly washed hair and general slovenly appearance. Apparently this handsome rake was involved in a "hit and run" according to witnesses. How can I use my incorrect reading of the Mayflower Compact to get me out of this one? If your answer was speaking semi-coherently about who exactly made the allegations than congratulations, you share a mind with free man adult Chucky doll here.
We discuss the lack of communication and even call for a "rewind" while making the appropriate circular hand gestures. Then the disheveled traveler reaches in his pockets, prompting a stern rebuke. Now it's time to put those same hands on the hood, but the champion of the right to crash into someone and drive off actually has the stones to say "Shoot Me!" Yeah, if only.
He finally assumes the position, dropping some unseen item (A miniature Constitution? My legal joints? A non-legitimate license?) in the process. An attempt to open a forum on the meaning of "probable cause" is swatted aside (A witness statement might, just might, qualify). "Are you listening?" Next thing we know, this Brad Pitt look-a-like is getting manhandled by uniformed thugs while continuing to mutter inanities during the cuffing.
Are you even listening, dude?
Another car pulls up, complete with point-of-view action driving. The production values, they keep getting better and better. The third officer rushes up with a taser. "Tase me!" is offered as one last act of defiance, but we're a little less reluctant to deploy the zapper as opposed to the hand cannon. First some painful electricity, than an awkward fall to the ground that looked really painful for the Free Man. Another police car pulls up. The scene ends with no less than four puppets of a criminal state working to subdue this goof. This is my special day where I got to be the Big Boy, I'll always cherish it.
I'm only eight minutes in. According to my pocket calculator that means we might do five of these. The "Holiday Season" has come early.
Komment Korner
For me busting the window is like busting a load
I got a dui once because I had a prescription that was a day expired.
As a cop, as soon as someone starts giving you a bunch of legal terms, you know you might have to tase an idiot today
the second guy looks like a human form of Chucky.
sees the time "Oh I should probably go to bed" sees a 42 minute video of sovereign idiots "NAH"
love watching these idiots getting there ass beat
Jesus christ, what HAPPENED to the guy @4:00? He looks like a goddamn manikin and his lips aren't moving. He's gotta be either high or drunk off his ass.
I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! I'm not a part of your system!!
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
It's with bittersweet feelings and wistful yearnings for past days that I bring this amazing trilogy to a close. Like reaching the end of a beloved novel or one of those "Save often!" video games there's a certain sadness that it will soon be over, that I'll have to spend my time doing something other than watching socially retarded suburban rebels make meaningless and doomed stands against the apparatus of power. I guess we should smile because it happened instead of weeping because it's about to end. Let us create joinder one more time, you're not being detained but I'll ask you to stick around anyway and join me among real "We are the dead" heroes who just won't provide those papers without a long and pointless struggle that ends with ownership.
Am I not under arrest?
We're right back in the thick of things with a so-called "roadside safety check," which we all know it how Hitlerism got its foot in the door. This time we get a good look at our spectacled resistor with his squared away haircut and demeanor that starts out relatively pleasant and non-crazy. If they only knew. We get the usual dog-chasing-tail act of asking if this counts as being detained and it's pretty clear that is the case, but better ask a fifth time just to be sure.
Then, the impossible happens and a sovereign citizen is actually right about something! I know, law of averages, broken clock twice a day, but it's still surprising. The officer says he asked for identification and is told by the Free Man of the Land that he hasn't and a quick review of the footage reveals this is indeed the case. You pretty much have to stop this unconstitutional pull-over now, in the face of a rare victory. Instead the state sponsored violence ramps up as the badge thugs open the car door and our hero lets out a series of "Whoas!" like he's a young Joey Lawerence or something.
World's Mildest Police Videos.
The system tool explains that driving is not a right, which sure sounds like fascist talk to these ears. Officer Angry has clearly lost all patience with the freedom rider and in the face of this the necessary papiern is meekly handed over. Like a mobious strip we continue to eat that tail forever as it's time for more questions about detainment and its relationship to the driver's current status, which is met with more barking and a little reminder that the State of Illinois does not tolerate back-sass. Maybe try it in Minnesota next time, I don't even know.
After all this our protagonist wishes to remain silent unless an attorney is present. The query that prompted this cliched response was "Is this your address?" Let me please confer with legal counsel before I answer that, and then when I do I'll take the fifth. Isn't it taser time yet? Instead we briefly discuss the fifth amendment and then are indeed free to leave, having accomplished the noble purpose of making another human unit angry.
Bin ich verhaftet?
The scene shifts to an interior where difficult questions about names are about to get bizarre responses. Our unseen champion claims not to have a first or last name, so I guess it's the Clint Eastwood character from all those westerns, with all the toughness and likeability stripped away, naturally. Then he says his name is "Robert," provoking laughter from the civil servant. Nothing funny about our right to play legal make-believe, man.
Please tell me more about how the Magna Carta gives you the right not to have a name.
It's then explained that our dissenter is not a person, and as such isn't subject to the admiralty and maritime law of this court. Now everyone is having a nice chuckle, but the fact remains that there's no denying the unpersonhood of our narrator. Kind of like in grade school when you're not part of the game of tag and as such can't be made "it" or be given girl cooties. This is how jurisprudence works.
"What are you?" is sadly not answered with a claim to be the Bat Man, but merely an ordinary man who is also not a citizen of the United States according to a misreading of a treaty with Tunisia from 1795 or whatever. At this point I half expect references to the Code of Hammurabi, it would be just as relevant. He then claims to be a "State Citizen" which at least gets us up to about 1861 or so. The smile is now long gone from the questioner, replaced with annoyed bemusement.
I regret to inform you that the Civil War is over and your side lost.
It turns out that our non-person is from Idaho, which of course didn't enter the Union until 1890, putting another bullet into a legal argument that's already long dead. As per tradition a request for a license becomes an issue of contention. His person has one, but he doesn't. Wait, I thought you weren't a person? It's almost like you're just firing off random phrases and concepts with no real understanding and in general making a fool of yourself for no good reason, but we all know courts are bad so keep up that good fight.
"I don't wish to create joinder with you." If you were a sexy woman, well maybe. With that the interaction ends and it's time to go address the prosecutor. However the way is blocked by government goons infringing the freedom of movement. The jack-boot squad won't let the Idaho citizen in with the camera, provoking more righteous passive-aggression. This Braveheart moment is somewhat undermined by one of the thugs telling him to leave the camera with his mother, who is apparently sitting across the room. Not now Mom, I'm fighting for my rights! No, I didn't get a job today.
"You are not God!" Yeah, really. Only the unmoved mover can ask me to shut off my recording devices and you ain't him, pal. After acknowledging his lack of divinity the guard absorbs a speech about rights and wrongs, but remains intractable. An attempt to enter is stopped by a human Berlin Wall and now it's already zapping time.
Isn't God, but does shoot lightning from the hands.
The shock is deployed and we get some quality agonized moans. Then it's time for the cuffs. Now Mommy will have to bail you out, nameless non-entity.
Back to the familiar confines of a motor vehicle where a rather doughy officer is demanding the usual laminated items. "As a man what right do you have to stop another man?" Wow. Our well-fed authority figure doesn't even attempt an answer and we skip ahead to a discussion of whether speeding is a crime or not. Hint: it is. An attempt to explain the contra position is severely undermined by incoherent rambling and even an "Aw, you know" in place of the expected citation of the Volstead Act or Wagonry Guidelines of 1804. Yeah, come on, you know what I'm trying to say.
Attempts to cite case law are ignored, and yes, you are being detained. More fuzz arrive and a request to "stand down" instead provokes the brown shirt.
Incredibly he doesn't actually hit anything. This time.
After what baseball announcers would call a "check swing" it's time to demand the opening of the car window. Get the supervisor! I'm going to give you all "very poors" on the customer service feedback card, officer. The window gets smashed, followed by kissing some pavement. With that this examination of our sovereign rights as free men of the land ends with both a bang and a whimper, appropriately enough.
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
Previously, on Sovereign Citizens Being Owned we saw the Lower Alabama version of the Terminator killbot smash a car window, a dopehead get some rather tame voltage to the scrotal area and the world's most unlikeable truck driver turn a routine twenty second stop into a seemingly never ending lecture on how his misinterpretation of a naval treaty from 1761 means that questions from an officer don't need to be answered. Honestly, the only way it could have been better would have been with some Sheriff John Bunnell narration. "Here's a law-flaunting drug freak in a Big Rig! He honestly thinks that he's going to talk his way out of this by appealing to the Articles of the Confederation. The officer has seen enough. Now the window glass is almost as broken as his understanding of the legal system. A few high voltage shocks bring this dangerous animal under control. He'll continue his discourse on 18th century road laws...in JAIL!!!"
"His smart mouth just bought him a night's stay in the Green Bar Hotel!"
Our next resistor to the evil, all-powerful government, you know like in Divergent, proudly declares that's he's not listening to the lawful orders, which I'm sure will shut this down under some obscure hard-of-hearing defense that was briefly allowed for a few months by a treaty from 1744. In other words, check and mate. I can't even comprehend the tyranny you're talking at me, man. Far out. "It's called civil disobedience, have you ever heard of it?" explains our hero. Move over Gandhi. Why aren't you here, making life miserable for our police?
This question about civil disobedience and the knowledge of the concept is asked a few more times without satisfactory results and then the version of Thoreau our generation gets simply drives off. Wait, I thought he was going to get owned, what's up with this? As if in anticipation of my objections, the court records, complete with guilty pleas, are displayed while wacky music plays. We need to get the person who made this video directing various Hollywood reboots, this is incredible art.
9/15, never forget.
We're back to the trucker we met in part one. I guess the auteur that wove together this amazing compilation correctly assumed that there's only so much of this passive-aggressive piece of human goo we could take in one sitting. Now the officer is actually reading the relevant code directly from a piece of paper, his initial jovial goodwill long gone. The basic takeaway is that you're supposed to cooperate with law enforcement. But what about my freedoms? Talk about a bring-down. We get a final ultimatum that is met with "I am cooperating!" Well, that explains why we're wasting all this time going around in meaningless circles.
There's a jump edit and the same conversation is still going as if probably twenty minutes or so hadn't just elapsed. Long suffering doesn't even begin to describe the tool of the Orwellian system, while his victim just wants to "go down a road." He also isn't a fan of the intimidation that has occurred, as witnessed in cheerful smiles, polite questions and supreme professionalism in the face of the drivel he's been spouting.
It's time to break the glass, but even now the jackboot wearer gives a countdown from three and when the countdown is over has some addition, fruitless discussion with the last, best hope for a free society. Finally the window gets smashed and the trucker gets showered with flying shards. "Shit." Yeah, it's almost like you could have somehow prevented this, but let's be real you're correct and the rest of the world needs to change.
They only warned me 37 times!
After all of that, the minority of one is dragged from the cab and arrested. This civilization thing, it's got to go.
Time to hear from a young lady, who wants yet another faceless system thug to remove his dark glasses so we can search vainly for any humanity in the eyes beneath. Predictably, the request is ignored and questions about comings and going receive non-answers. Back to discussing the cool shades, but they're not coming off because of the sunlight. Yeah, right. These nazis, they just make up anything.
We get some insincere thanks from the daughter of liberty, more debate over sunglasses and my feelings as a unique and special human being and then the officer wants to know why the motorist has been parked on the roadside for an extended period of time. Apparently she already told another oppressor. See, he wasn't wearing glass and thus earned the precious pearl that is a barely civil conversation.
To keep track of cars parked along a road.
After more useless, useless words the protector of the wealthy elite directs the driver to a nearby sign. In a funny bit we actually briefly see the No Parking sign, but our heroine instead thinks he's pointing to one mentioning a game refuge. This misunderstanding is promptly corrected. In a rare flip of the script the free woman asks the state trooper if there's a fire, but sadly "It doesn't matter." More feigned politeness and we manage to end one of these without breaking glass or delivering shocks.
That last one was pretty boring and disappointing, but to make up for it we cut to a car chase worthy of World's Wildest Police Videos. Two high-speed scofflaws, putting innocent lives in danger, as a certain well-tanned sheriff might describe it. Heavy Australian accents describe how they "Just went through a breathalyzer" and are now fleeing the reprisal. Whether or not they were drinking from those massive beer cans or discussing if something was a knife or not remains unknown at this point.
Hi guys...drink beer!
We get a hearty "Here we go!" as the glory riders haul rear end, fleeing Mad Max and his 800 horsepower interceptor. A quick glance back reveals the forces of the decaying central authority are close by, trying to prevent this white line nightmare. This is followed by some exciting night driving footage and the calming tones of police sirens. Sadly the Nightrider is promptly surrounded by the authorities. Oh well, I'm sure they'll be willing to calmly discuss admiralty law for the next twenty minutes following that wild mid-speed chase.
Requests to open the door are met with a "No Mate!" Break out his window with a boomerang guys, come on.
Mad Max 5: Am I Under Arrest?
Incredibly, we actually do get more conversation, featuring the usual "Am I free to go" requests as menacing government tools circle with batons at the ready. The smash and grab does occur however, and is described as "thuggery." I'd go so far as to maybe call it "hooliganism" myself.
"Am I under arrest?"
"Yes."
Tune in next week at this time for the thrilling conclusion of Sovereign Citizens Being Owned, featuring a feckless momma's boy, a snide comment that is actually factually accurate and more requests to see the supervisor because law enforcement is like costumer service and that particular gambit always works.
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
What is a sovereign citizen? After watching a twenty minute video of some of them being laid to waste by law enforcement I'm still not entirely certain, but I think I'm triangulating the concept. Start with all the worst parts of Libertarianism (So like 90% of it, haw haw), stir in the special kind of social ineptitude found in generation nothing and crown this rich sundae of pathology with a disregard for the laws of the road. Or, indeed, any laws, but it's mostly going to be things like speed limits and checkpoints that our anti-heroes will be running afoul of prior to being, as the title clearly states, owned. What we're going to get is a combination of the modern hippie and the student loan racket victim experiencing the consequences of their own poor choices tyranny.
Our first tale of truth to power ownership begins at night, already in progress. A representative of the beast system wants to see ihnen papiern, bitte. He makes this request in a thick as Russian mud in May southern accent, the kind suggestive of the villain law enforcement in a Burt Reynolds movie. What could have potentially been a teaser trailer for Stroker Ace Part 2, Am I Being Detained? is somewhat ruined by the trooper's general tractability, happily giving his own badge number and name to our faceless enemy of statism. The officer does, however, refuse to give his first name, claiming it's "irrelevant." You can practically hear the sickening thud of that boot stomping a human face, forever.
Am I free to go?
Repeated southern-fried requests for insurance and license are rejected and we discover our resistor was going 72 in a 55 mph area, which is why we have a constitution and so on. To protect that. "Is speeding a crime?" asks the motorist. You might want to brace yourself for this shocking revelation, but it turns out that yes, it is. With that clever gambit somehow defeated by John Law we get our next brilliant legal maneuver, namely "Can you prove that I'm driving." Let's turn a routine lead-foot stop into "Is this chair real?" philosophical onanism, that should save you some points against the license you refuse to show.
The sovereign citizen now claims to be "traveling" instead of driving, which should clear up everything and bring it to a successful conclusion. "I wasn't stealing, officer, I was dropping objects into my pocket and then moving them by walking." What can be done in the face of this semantic onslaught? We get one more request and then the authority enters beast mode, smashing the car window with his bare hands. You should've disclosed that you were that liquid metal terminator when I asked for your badge number, it would have saved a lot of suffering.
Where is John Connor?
The "owning" we were promised now begins in earnest. "This is assault!" gasps the traveler, as if doing play-by-play or something. He goes on to mention his lack of "consent," which is something that I'm pretty sure isn't required by the rule of law. "You can only arrest me for the murders I committed if I give continuous and enthusiastic consent!" Doesn't sound right. We get the expected appeal to police brutality, which at least is a concept with some grounding in reality, while the T-1000, Alabama Model, declares that he's "Fixing to tase you," presumably with his built-in cyborg weapons.
Said tasing occurs, we get some pathetic screaming and even some profanity, fade to black.
Without even a pause to get our heads right it's off to the next case, now daytime but still in a car. "I come in peace," announces the World Citizen and for just a moment I wish I was watching Fulbright Scholarship recipient Dolph Lundgren in the action movie dud of the same name. Believe it or not, the video we get here is actually even better. I know it's a bold statement, especially considering the officer probably won't say "Then go in pieces" while blasting the Last Free Man.
"I do not consent to you searching my spaceship."
The representative of the Global Ruling Elite, all wool cap and general hang-dog demeanor, attempts to reason with the prison planet inmate, insisting that he smelled wacky tobacco smoke coming from the car and now must follow up on this lead. Using the smallest words possible the badge monster tries to explain probable cause, but it really doesn't seem to be taking. The driver than asks to see "Your Supervisor" as if this is a truculent fast food employee who made your Dinner Dog incorrectly or something.
Instead of getting the manager the tool of oppression reaches into the vehicle, prompting less than masuculine cries of "Help!" and "I do not consent!" while a woman and baby scream away in the back of the car. Our reefer smoking friend denies residency in the State of Indiana, which is a nice logical talking point to fall back on after howling various nonsense like a ninny.
The face of oppression.
"You do not smell marijuana!" whines the modern patriot. I guess he's been reduced to attempting Jedi mind-tricks now. "These are not the stoners you're looking for. Move along." Instead the officer declares the car "reeks" of it, which earns the brilliant rebuttal of "No, it doesn't!" Man, I can't wait to see what society looks like in twenty years.
Back-up arrives and it time for another "assault" which consists of dragging our scruffy THC lover from the driver's seat. More screams for "Help!" and, almost unbelievably, "Call the police!" Yes, really. And yet there's still a few cranks that insist smoking something called "dope" might affect your intelligence. "Sir, we are the police."
It's already time for the taser. Say what you want, but it's more humane than hitting someone over the head with a steel baton. "What crime have I committed!" is now the battle cry of this peaceful warrior fighting for our inherent right to get baked in a parking lot. Apparently the batteries are low on the old sparky because it fails to subdue the weedhead or even generate much in the way of pitiful wailing. "You tried to attack my nuts!" Either a squirrel somehow gained the gift of speech and is bemoaning the encroachment of humanity on its personal hoard or this is the next bit of play-by-play from a drug freak. He also calls it "Improper use of a taser!" Five yard penalty, repeat third down.
Then it's time to kiss the pavement while the rest of this brave man's family (?) moan and make tearful requests. Can we get that lengthy conventional foreign war going again, or what?
I do not consent to you moving my corpse.
The vanquished pipe-puffer wants a lawyer. The child screams about getting out of the car and this sorry scene comes to an end.
We're in the cab of a truck, but don't worry, our driver is not the hard-working and generally decent sort of person you might associate with that profession. "I'm getting too old for this," Lethal Weapons our next enemy of individual rights as he awkwardly climbs up to have a chat. The smiling bully boy inquires about U.S. citizenship, but our smarmy hero wants to "Opt out." "I don't care if you're German or whatever," says the criminal with a badge, which sure is ironic considering he's acting like a German, circa 1940.
Another face full of pure, concentrated evil.
The big rig pilot declares a general policy of not answering questions. That will certainly help move this along. It's then time to discuss code 18.111, which is a much better use of your time than simply answering a straightforward question and then driving off with your load of refrigerator parts. After some dull civics class we come back to trying to get some answers, but no go. Then it's time to discuss borders and checkpoints. Maybe this guy is just lonely after a hard day of truckin' and just wanted a semi-friendly conversation. Who knows?
We talk about the fourth amendment and, big surprise, the noble rebel doesn't really understand it. After clearing it up a little nothing gets settled and we cut away.
Believe it or not, all of this amazing footage represents only about a third of the video's total running time. I'm not gonna call this my new regular Saturday night thing, but let's get real, this needs to happen.
Komment Korner
I hope you get AIDS.
The first cop just ripped the window out with his bare hands, that's metal as fuck!
So the key to being a "sovereign citizen" is to pretend like asking
really dumb questions like "ARE YOU ENTERING MY VEHICLE" will
short-circuit the entire U.S. legal system?
I live in Russia and I think we don't have any checkpoints, only traffic control posts.
Where did you deploy?
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.
