DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part V

I'm still hoping to get this scintillating inquiry into the most highly legitimate political movement in today's America (and Canada!) finished before the heat death, so we better get at it. Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met the man who briefly denied his beliefs before having a moment of glorious redemption and then getting promptly wrecked, we discussed the implications of confronting a canine fascist accuser and an attempt to actually pull a "nine-tenths of the law" swift one failed miserably. Let's dig in for some more!

We hit the ground running with out shirtless and tattooed "free man" fleeing law enforcement in his personal means of travel (it's not a car because it's not for commercial usage). We pan around the private property's interior, revealing a pile of undifferentiated garbage in the back seat and the rather twitchy demeanor of the Free Man of the Land. More wild camera work follows as a police chase that apparently wasn't sufficiently wild enough to make it on one of those "special interests" VHS rentals concludes.  We do get a nice shot of our hero's extremely impressive torso, so there's that. "Let me see your hands!" How can I trick-talk my way out of this one?

The hero we deserve.

"Who are you?" Yes, that's a quality rejoinder. Sirens, a gun, a badge, it really is an impenetrable mystery. Please explain yourself. We're quickly informed it's the "police," which I never would have guessed in a million attempts. This is followed by an attempt to claim that the scumbag Murrican answer to Ghandi is in "his own jurisdiction" and as such is immune to all laws. If that wasn't enough, he also didn't do anything. Is it wrong that I'm hoping "Mad Cop Disease" will kick in and this piece of work will get stomped?

Instead, a failed "broken wrist" gambit fails to prevent the cuffing and the scene abruptly ends, just as I was fully engaged in the action.

Next up is footage of a face-cam on a phone, like this is an episode of The Jetsons or something. Man, the miraculous future we live in. What amazing message is being transmitted over this science as magic, you ask? Something about "breaking the lock" after eviction, which is just crazy enough to succeed, I feel. Addition profanity and passive-aggressive threats toward the police follow, as if this scuzzy character is cutting a backyard wrestling promo in 1999 or something. Again, it just ends there, without any actual "ownage." I'm getting a little worried. Maybe the uploader thought no one would watch all the way through, but I'm nothing if not persistent in the most work-shy way possible.

Am I being detained?

How about some highly avant-garde footage of a floor and shoes? Meanwhile, the owner of said footwear claims to be a "non-resident alien" as if this would grant you special rights and freedom from legal obligations. I know, that's just crazy, who would ever get that kind of idea? It turns out its time to get a van. "I don't take orders from you!" We must never build a wall on our border, it's immoral and bad and you're a good person, right?

Apparently, our "dreamer" wants to take the cars of the police, to make up for the crimes committed involving his family. For whatever reason, this isn't happening. Come on, it's the right thing to do. This is not who we are. Next clip, please.

The latest Resistor claims he doesn't even have a name. Could this be an even more powerful version of the "I'm my own jurisdiction" end-around that failed so miserably earlier in today's clip? Time to argue with some desk officers. I bet this achieves a lot.

"I'm serving notice!" Then we go round and round with that game where both sides talk past each other and nothing gets accomplished, one of my favorite activities. "I do not consent to killing children!" "How can I help you?" that sort of thing.

After an unsupported claim of having strong sanity it's back to arguing who has authority and to what extent. It's like a John Stuart Mill book came alive, wow. The officer is still wondering what he can do about our hero renouncing his participation in absolutely everything. An effort is made to wrap this up. "I do not consent!" 

"The door's right there." Don't let it hit you. Another officer joins this experiment in individual value, demanding the Free Man go outside. Don't do it, that's where all the brutality happens! Sadly, the only other alternative is a "jail cell." Also, "don't do this in front of kids!" Won't somebody, etc.

Instead of meekly leaving, however, it's time to claim victory. "I'm the King!" They are then told "Don't come back," as the potato filming this nonsense completely breaks down into pixelated visual puke. 

We conclude with one of those Twenty Minutes investigative reporting deals you used to get from the fake news monopoly before they switched to the all Russia format we've had for the past year. An "expert" who is probably less qualified than I am after watching all these Youtube videos, explains that Sovereign Citizens believe our names are sold to foreign investors and somewhere in Bahrain or wherever someone is probably hoping to short-sell mine. 

Actually, China is the big purchaser, we're told. Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense. See you eight months from now with Part VI.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

News You Can't Use: Grown Men Squabble Over Toy Car on Black Friday

Say what you want about so-called "online shopping," which has flash in the pan written all over it, the real action is on "Black Friday." No, not that movie with the brain transplant surgeon who kills mobsters, I'm talking about the retail thunderdomes. Here you can brawl with your fellow human units over minor discounts, cling to the electronics of exotic and far-away Cathay like a giant leech and have the entire humiliating debacle preserved for posterity by ubiquitous cameras and the general voyeuristic tendencies of a dying society. Honestly, think of what you're "saving." It isn't your dignity, but who cares?

A video of four grown men squabbling over a toy car sums up the utter mindlessness that is Black Friday.  

I think this whole "mindlessness" idea is a bridge too far. Clearly there was an advanced thought process and it was "me want toy car."

The clip shows four different people trying to haul away the item, as a woman tells one of the men, “Stop! Let go!”

Why should I let go? What about the other three? How is this fair? So many questions.

Three other men then continue to pathetically push the box in different directions as a store employee looks on despairingly.

If you've ever worked in customer service you know that look very well.

“You’re breaking it!” one woman tells them.

That's what she said! Wait. It really was.

Another store employee then steps in to tell them to “drop it,” before his colleague states, “Neither one of you gets it.”

Man, you phonies don't get it, you aren't with the times. This materialism isn't as important as, like, a sunset or getting nicely baked.

Other videos show fights in malls and stores across the country, including one instance where a woman threw a shoe that hit a baby.

We've conquered disease and famine, built a democracy where power is peacefully exchanged between hostile ideologies and invented special grabbing sticks for the morbidly obese, but you want to focus on some minor shoe throwing infanticide.

 ...and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free...

People are even buying fake Walmart and Best Buy employee vests so they can try to skip the line.

And still there are a few cranks who insist we're not making progress into a better future.

Black Friday is a complete scam based around the myth that shoppers are getting discounts they wouldn’t get at any other time of the year.

Thank you for exposing this ridiculous scam, Infowars. Now to purchase a bottle of Super Alpha Male Brain Vitality Snake Serum from this site for $39.99.

Many of the same deals for which shoppers spend hours camped outside stores are also available online anyway, in some cases days in advance of Black Friday.

Yes, but consider the social aspect you'll miss out on.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

Meh, I bought a DVD of "War For The Planet Of The Apes". It only cost me $1.57. Not bad for a DVD I was going to get anyway.

0bama's America. NONE of this was happening before the Kenyan Criminal and his side-kick Creepy Joe were elected.

Communist China is having a very good day today. They have a very good day every day, because all the crap we buy is manufactured in China by Chinese using American profits to fund their continuous capital expansion. I'm on the wrong side, I think. Let me practice: Ni hao ma?

When I go BLACK shopping, I take a BaseBall bat and beat the living hell out of anybody in my way. That is what we all should do.
 

Democrats: "you want to go back to the '50's?? " Me: "OK"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Airlines Struggle to Please the Modern Passenger

I'm all about providing those client-based solutions and by that I mean solving their problems, not somehow grinding them down to use in alchemical processes. The problem is today's modern world is so full of complexity that it's become a bitter struggle to fulfill the ever-changing whims of human units that were primarily raised and educated by various glowing screens. Is there an answer to this problem of societal alienation and atomized selfishness? The answer is no, but let's talk about overhead compartments and pretend it's helping.

What does the modern air traveler want?

It's a question we're all trying to answer, but sometimes a 747 flying into the Grand Canyon is just a 747 flying into the Grand Canyon.

Is it the perfect sized carry-on?

Now perfectly suited to all your "Do you even lift?" frailties.

A wearable device that tells you how to avoid jet lag?

Beep boop Get lots of sleep bop boop bleep.

Free Wi-Fi? Cheap flights? Better service?

Groping and radiation baths for the elderly? A can of soda you can bring on board? Leg room? Who knows.

Airlines are struggling to keep pace with the finicky desires of today's passengers, many of whom are constantly connected to a mobile device and want something special on each trip.

If you're expecting your flight to Wheeling to have a "happy ending" you're in for a disappointment.

During a panel discussion Tuesday at the annual meeting of the International Air Transport Association (IATA), the largest trade group for airline executives, hundreds of industry representatives were asked in a quick informal poll how many think airlines are doing a good job meeting passenger demands.

This quick informal poll consisted of yelling "Ey, how you doin'?" at their suit-clad backs.

Fifty-five percent pressed "no" on their handheld devices.

The other 45 percent were dead drunk from the complimentary Mixx Tails.

"Don't give me a vanilla experience," said panelist Lee McCabe, a former executive with Expedia who is now Facebook's head of travel.

Cater to my travel-based kinks. Handcuff me to the seat. Call me a terrorist and hit me. Put a black sack on my head and drop me off in a Cuban military base. So, so hot.

"Make the information you give me very personal," he said. "Make my life easy."

"Remember when you got caught paint huffing in junior high? Or your childhood nickname, "Binky?" Here's your peanuts."

Alex Cruz, CEO of the low-cost Spanish airline Vueling, said his company strives to keep it simple. "They want a nice, reliable experience at a normal price," he said.

This is clearly crazy talk. We want special "apps" and the full boyfriend experience.

Qantas chief executive Alan Joyce said "every customer wants something different."

Every happy flier is happy in the same way, while every miserable one is unique in their misery.

According to Jen Durkin, CEO of Project Travel, millennials don't want healthy snacks or free Wi-Fi.

I heard "healthy" and immediately became hostile.

"Millennials are curious, and because there are so many things that distract our attention we need help understanding what we should put our attention to," she said.

They're like crows fascinated by shiny objects, but far, far less likable.

"I want to know what my bag is doing from the time it goes in the conveyor belt little door to the time it comes out of the conveyor belt," Durkin said.

If my bag is secretly coming to life and bad-mouthing me, I want to know.

"We will be able to learn more about our passengers and be able to offer them more tailored information to their needs," he added.

Well, it's working great here on the internet where my tailored profile gets me endless commercials for finishing schools and med-alert jewelry.

During the conference, Windmuller announced a new industry-wide standard for carry-on bags, an idea that aims to resolve bickering and delays over whether any given suitcase is too big to fit in the overhead bin.

Finally, an honorable peace to the Suitcase Wars.

Many airlines have different size requirements for carry-ons, which can lead to confusion.

Me no like use brain.

You been working out?

But whether this standard will please consumers remains to be seen. It requires travelers to buy a new carry-on bag, which may be smaller than what they already own.

You can spend more money on an inferior product. Who would have a problem with that?

The new bags will made by different manufacturers and will be marked with a special label, "IATA Cabin OK." The label is not available to be placed on an existing bag.

Yeah, I know you were thinking it. Don't even try it, we're on to you.

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

I want lower fares.

I don't want to take my belt or shoes or hoodie off, or take out my laptop, or my personal effects, or get irradiated

I finally got the coffee and it was literally the WORST coffee I have EVER had.

the most objectionable thing about flying today is the inane, useless, arrogant TSA goons, drunk with their own power and importance

This guy came down the aisle who looked like Mr. Creosote from Monty Python's Meaning of Life

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.