Showing posts with label Yucky Vegetables. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Yucky Vegetables. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

News You Can't Use: Half of all US Food Produce is Thrown Away, New Research Suggests

Trends come and go, but wasting food is something that is always at the bleeding edge of what is considered "with it" or "23 skiddoo," if you will. And there's no food more deserving of being wasted than vegetables, natures cruel joke on our taste-buds and internal digestive systems. With ideas about cleaning the old plate to broom the stomach correctly held in derision by picky eaters everywhere it's perhaps a fitting irony that the current piles of rotting Michelle Obama lunch waste is actually being caused by the tiny and hated minority that, for whatever reason, likes broccoli.

Americans throw away almost as much food as they eat because of a “cult of perfection”, deepening hunger and poverty, and inflicting a heavy toll on the environment.

You Americans and your perfectionism, as demonstrated by your intellectual rigor and svelte belt-lines. Because of the demands for the elusive perfect radish (real radishes, who a man like you couldn't handle by the way, are misshapen and covered in spots) we're somehow causing world hunger, making people poor and destroying our environment with compost piles, the natural enemy of all plant life.

Vast quantities of fresh produce grown in the US are left in the field to rot, fed to livestock or hauled directly from the field to landfill, because of unrealistic and unyielding cosmetic standards, according to official data and interviews with dozens of farmers, packers, truckers, researchers, campaigners and government officials.

I  blame Hollywood and the media for created an impossible standard of vegetable beauty that fails to recognize that all produce is uniquely beautiful and special and certainly doesn't need to change for a brute like you as it's taken from the field straight to the landfill. Also, someone is going around interviewing truckers about vegetable waste. Really. "Yeah, foughettaboutit, I dumped all that cauliflower in the gutter and spend the rest of the day leaning against my truck and making threatening and/or lecherous faces at passerby."

“It’s all about blemish-free produce,” says Jay Johnson, who ships fresh fruit and vegetables from North Carolina and central Florida. “What happens in our business today is that it is either perfect, or it gets rejected. It is perfect to them, or they turn it down. And then you are stuck.”

Just take this jet-black banana that's currently dripping foul liquids and eat it. I don't think that's asking too much. Think of Ray-Jay Johnson and his North Cakalaki shipping concern next time, so you can attach a face and annoying comedy act to the damage your selfishness is causing.

Food waste is often described as a “farm-to-fork” problem. Produce is lost in fields, warehouses, packaging, distribution, supermarkets, restaurants and fridges.

And yet, in a highly magnanimous display, the ordinary consumer gets blamed.

By one government tally, about 60m tonnes of produce worth about $160bn (£119bn), is wasted by retailers and consumers every year - one third of all foodstuffs.

Love those wacky non-metric measures. We're talking 60m rands of green sludge, worth 160bn Imperial Ducats, wasted every year.

“I would say at times there is 25% of the crop that is just thrown away or fed to cattle,” said Wayde Kirschenman, whose family has been growing potatoes and other vegetables near Bakersfield, California, since the 1930s. “Sometimes it can be worse.”

I'd propose a solution, but there really isn't one and we're just wasting our time here.

Then they're going to throw me away or send me to a landfill...OH MY GOD!!!!

Table grapes that did not conform to a wedge shape were dumped. Entire crates of pre-cut orange wedges were directed to landfill. 

Parsnips that refused to take a loyalty oath were lined up against walls and shot.

In June, Kirschenman wound up feeding a significant share of his watermelon crop to cows.

You can make your own joke, I'm not touching this one.

Imperfect Produce, a subscription delivery service for “ugly” food in the San Francisco Bay area, estimates that about one-fifth of all fruit and vegetables are consigned to the dump because they do not conform to the industry standard of perfection.

Imperfect Produce, when you care enough to feed your family food that isn't considered adequate animal fodder.

That lost food is seen increasingly as a drag on household incomes – about $1,600 a year for a family of four – and a direct challenge to global efforts to fight hunger, poverty and climate change.

We also have on good authority this caused Donald Trump.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

News You Can't Use: Michelle O’s ‘Healthy’ Lunches Going to the Pigs - Literally

I knew this was gonna be a winner just from the headline. Scare quotes? The word literally, which according to the dictionary can mean almost anything? Yes, this is going to be an incredible story of what happens when a program to save our bloated nation fails miserably and must be reverted to swill. In a way it's brilliant: take the food no one wants and feed it to the most magically delicious animal in the entire world. Yucky vegetables and disgusting fruits transformed through digestive and butchering alchemy into delicious bacon, pork, sausage and who knows what other money meats. In another, more realistic way it's sad and pathetic, but let's take a glass half full attitude toward the current race to the bottom.

There’s one group of young eaters who like Michelle Obama’s school lunch program: pigs.

No, not you chubby. I mean literal (the first definition, not the one where it means it isn't literal) mud rolling sources of delicious stored calories. My mouth is already watering contemplating the inefficient transfer of potential energy when I bite into a First Lady fed swine product.

New Mexico’s Galloping Grace Youth Ranch is accepting fruits and vegetables thrown away by students at several elementary schools in the Rio Rancho area and collects some five tons per week.

Maybe the legendary efficiency and concern for detail of our federal government has been slightly exaggerated.

“It’s really whatever they don’t eat coming off of their trays, so when they get up to the trash cans they will scrape it into one of our buckets that we pick up on a daily basis,” ranch CEO Max Wade tells KRQE.

Thank you for explaining this complicated process, I was really struggling to form a mental image. Generation Nothing fills the can with wasted food, off to the pig farm. Got it.

Speaking of the pigs, goats and chickens gobbling up the students’ castaways, Wade says, “If you think about it, it’s a fresh salad bar every day. Fruits and vegetables and they love it.”

With enough rationalization the coming meltdown seems like a blessing. If you think about it, stealing the copper wires from derelict industry is a form of recycling! If you think about it, lying to receive benefits is a sort of karmic adjustment!

To underscore the point, he’s talking about the farm animals, not the school children.

Yeah, we got it. I guess it's my fault for still wearing that "Traditional Conservative, Please Use Small Words and Repeat Yourself Often" sign around my neck.

The goats prefer romaine lettuce, some pigs like grapes while others will eat “anything.” The chickens like the dinner rolls.

When not eating rusted tin cans goats are the food snobs of the animal kingdom.

It left me too weak to resist common core math.

Earlier this year, a New York district estimated its students throw away 85 percent of their fruits and vegetables.

How well the imitation wadded beef is doing remains unknown.

“If we cut up 20 pounds of cucumbers, we guess that 17 pounds get thrown away. I’ve watched kids take their cup of vegetables or fruit they’re required to take and just throw it away.”

"Man, that global starvation is like so not cool, dude. Let me go throw away some food now."

The Nebraska Farmers Union was working to partner with Lincoln-area schools to collect discarded food to fuel a worm farm, known as vermiculture.

Yet another worm farm success story.

Some 3,000 pigs at a Rhode Island hog farm scarf up uneaten fruits and vegetables, too.

I think I've given you enough isolated anecdotes to make the point.

Two Rhode Island districts – North Smithfield and Burrillville – that are sending their scraps to My Blue Heaven Farm. Both districts are participants in the National School Lunch Program, which is implementing the hated federal lunch rules.

Not to be confused with My Blue Heaven fantasy camp, where I went last year and had a great time pretending to be a mob informant relocated to a small California town. 


Komment Korner  

anything government puts their hands on gets destroyed... ruined...

Naaahhhh, those are just your peon kids, they will eat whatever their Dear Leader tells them to eat.

Perhaps they should move to Russia or China to see how well things work there.

To see what BHO has in mind for America google the 'Holodomor"

Just to clarify, we at Galloping Grace Youth Ranch do not feed the cafeteria scraps to the pigs, only to the chickens. The Federal Swine Act states that any meat products must be recooked prior to feeding pigs. We do collect fruit and vegetable discards from local grocery stores and food banks and feed this to them. In the end, we donate the pork back to local food banks and food pantries.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.