Civilization V Countdown: #1 Spain

We've finally reached the end of the road and it's almost time to discuss what is, in my correct personal opinion, the best play choice in Civilization 5. Before we do I wanted to throw out a few honorable mentions that didn't make the Top Ten list but are also favorites of mine. We've got the Mayans (Pyramids for faith and science, wacky date counter, yes please) Egypt (Wonder time!) and Russia (Extra iron? Wow!) just missing the cut and maybe one of them would have made the list if I slapped it together at a different time. Well, no. Let's be real, what you got was completely scientific in its development and brilliant in its execution. Let's take it home.

Why is Spain #1

With most civilizations you're directed in a certain direction by the unique ability, unit, improvement and/or building and I'm not nearly enough of a cool and original rebel to go against the obvious designer intentions. With Spain, you could get a variety of possible bonuses or none at all from whatever natural wonders you find and this gives every game a different character. It's refreshing not knowing. Your start could be absolutely dominant or complete garbage and it's out of your hands. And when it is a good start, forget about it. Throw in the Conquistador's ability to both fight and settle and the Tercio, which is, well, something and they're my clear favorite. I've played them enough to have actually gotten a workable Krakatoa, for goodness sake.

As for Isabella, I think the following amazing image is all you need to know.

Honestly, it's not even close.

Most Memorable Game as Spain?

Finding King Solomon's mines in the first ten turns, settling a city with the 500 gold and building almost every early wonder, even ones I wouldn't normally even consider like Temple of Artemis and the Great Wall. The city's production was absolutely insane even with a few citizens. The neighboring Mayans, perhaps rightly sensing that I wasn't going to share when it came to bronze age monoliths declared war, melted against some hastily raised defenses and ended up getting conquered. Later I founded a city on a City State island and got Krakatoa (!), adding a ridiculous science city to go with the production one en route to winning a cultural victory. 

Time to prevent that whole silly "Netherlands" thing.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Countdown: #2 Poland

We're getting toward the end of the list and there won't be any lightweights from here on in, that's for sure. Today's topic is Poland, a civilization that for whatever reason hasn't been a major player in the Civilization series until Brave New World when they claimed a spot as one of the strongest choices. My list is all about that sweet subjectivity, of course, but even on a more legitimate "power ranking" I doubt many people would argue against putting them at #2. Well, those cranks that will argue anything, because manufactured drama is a lot of fun and a good use of my time would, but that's only like 70% of the internet, tops. As for me, no one will ever accuse me of forgetting Poland.

Why is Poland #2

Solidarity! This is, hands down, the most enjoyable unique ability of any civilization in the game. I love exploring the social policy tree, but dislike the fact that you generally open Tradition or Liberty, finish whichever you took, throw a few picks into one of the filler choices and then focus on Rationalism and your Ideology. Any other choice is sub-optimal and will likely lead to defeat on higher difficulties where this little room for error. Playing Poland solves this problem with free policies, allowing for some experimentation. Also top it off with some rather uninspiring horse-themed specials, but for me it's all about the chance to fill in aesthetics or try a hybrid opening or the many other little bonuses that open up, both providing strength and encouraging replay-ability. And, of course, Poland can into space.

Casimir III wields a scepter, has a formidable beard and my spellcheck thinks I was trying to type "similar." He's also the "Polish Justinian" a patron of the University system and an army reformer. He was killed while hunting, probably because they didn't have those orange vests in the 1300s.

He's also the Polish Henry VIII, fathering only daughters.

Most Memorable Game as Poland? 

Playing on "Emperor" for the first time I went with Poland and was able to play a four city turtle, not even fighting a war until a brief conflict in the modern era. I eventually won a space victory, beating several other nations that were also attempting it. After that I realized I could win on higher levels, shrugged my shoulders and went back to King without looking back. Honestly, what is the point of being forced to play one very specific strategy, over and over, and deal with the same inept AI that simply receives comical bonuses? The game has a better feel when there's actual room to make mistakes or suffer setbacks. I've even played games where I lost cities in war, couldn't get them back and kept playing. I know, crazy.

Not a flying toy.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Countdown: #3 Venice

The release date is creeping closer for Civilization 6, which in my case will be in about three years when all the expansions, patches and mods are out, I'm finally bored with 5 and the price has fallen dramatically. Still, after seeing some actual game footage from Generation Nothing representatives with bass-free voices that talk like they're blasted out of their minds on Quaaludes (HELLO INTERNET! Thisisthebasementdwellingpolicalfantasyberniegamer! WHAT'S GOING ON?) I have to concede that six is likely to be a good game. Certainly the treble-heavy exposition from paid do-nothings made a better impression than the intelligence-insulting official hype videos (Wow, Builders! That's a new name and everything! Builders! Oh, wow.). There you have it, friends. Ordinary and soft as hell human derelicts of questionable talent are more convincing in marketing a new game than the slick corporate presentations the makers put together at extreme cost.

I thought we were gonna talk about Venice? Yeah, let's do some of that.

Why is Venice #3?

"It's a playable city-state!" declares someone who has completely missed the point. Naturally, Venice can do a lot of things city-states can't, but they are clearly an experiment in how much the basic rules can be changed while still being fun and playable. The good news is Venice is a lot of fun to play and a real challenge as well. Somehow, "we'll put handicaps on you, the player" tends to get a worse reaction than the equal and opposite "we'll give the AI free stuff to make up for its poor play." It's really two sides of the same coin and when you pick Venice, you know you're going to get a very different game. It's because of this issue, not in spite of it, that I love to play as them. Add in flavorful bonuses like double trade routes and merchant takeovers and maybe they're not as weak as the reputation. Also, don't forget the Great Galleass, which never seems to rate a mention but is actually one of the very few unique naval units and a very appropriate choice, too.

Besides, who wouldn't want to be the Doge? Former trivia contest answer Enrico Dandolo truly shines as the wealthy blind old man whose schemes sometimes get a little out of hand. Like that whole Fourth Crusade misstep, for example.

You can pay me by attacking other Christians, it should work out.

Most Memorable Game as Venice? 

I was going for the Great Betrayal achievement (I can't praise the number and creativity of the achievements in this game enough) and Byzantium was actually in the game and converted Venice to the One True Faith. Time to reward that with senseless violence. Nothing like a little historical propriety in what otherwise tends to veer into the most ridiculous historical "what ifs" imaginable. Apply the unique unit, send in some Knights, next thing you know the Crusader army is repeating the same mistakes because we don't like to learn from them. After this atrocity it was back to sending out cargo ships and building toward the diplomatic victory as if nothing had happened, just like in real life.

A funny thing happened on the way to Jerusalem...

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Countdown: #4 Ethiopia

Growing up in the eighties the word "Ethiopia" called to mind starvation, human misery, an expanding desert and dying children. Not exactly themes that would make for fun times in a vidiot game. Then there's Mussolini's aggression and massacres against hopelessly out-matched soldiers and I think we can all agree that the 20th century wasn't exactly good times for the land of Prester John and the resting place of the Ark of the Covenant. Suffice it to say, the Civilization 5 incarnation focuses more on these aspects and is actually a lot of fun to play.

Why is Ethiopia #4?

One of my favorite aspects of Civ 5 is the religion mechanic and Ethiopia is arguably the best choice to fully explore it (The Celts must rely on unmodified forests, ugh). The Stele gives a strong faith boost right away and, combined with shrines and temples, you might be able to still get a strong religion without relying on faith pantheons and faith natural/world wonders. Or you could throw those into the mix too and really go wild. The unique ability is a strong defensive bonus and you get a unique unit that presents a more optimistic impression of the Italian conquest. These elements combine for a very strong start that is resistant to enemy aggression. It probably isn't a coincidence that the AI Ethiopia always seems to be a powerhouse when they show up in my games as other civilizations.

The leader is Haile Selassie, Time magazine Person of the Year for 1935, symbol of noble but doomed opposition in the face of tyranny and trivia question answer.

Then I told the class about Gandhi's love of nuclear missiles.

Most Memorable Game as Ethiopia? 

Playing on Prince difficulty I was able to peacefully spread my religion almost everywhere. It was ridiculous, the other civilizations with religions were hard-pressed to even keep their Holy Cities. This, combined with the tithe belief led to sickening amounts of income and an eventual diplomatic victory. Is it just a coincidence that some of the most fun games happened on the lower difficulties, while winning on high levels requires a strict adherence to an optimal development path that tends to be largely forgettable? Nah, can't be. I must play on at least Immortal every time or people I've never met and couldn't possibly care less about will be disappointed in me.

I *heart* these.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Countdown: #5 America

America, fudge yeah! Is any more of an introduction necessary? Well, yes, obviously. America has always been a strange case in the Civilization games, a relatively recent "tribe" going against opponents with thousands of years worth of history in some cases. In later iterations of the game this became less of an issue, but it always struck me as strange to see Boston as a bronze-age city with clay buildings and stone monoliths. The bottom line is America was never a favorite of mine until Part 5, which really got it right with the USA, as it did with so many other things.

Why is America #5?

Part of me likes America just because it's off badmouthed as a weak civilization or an inferior version of other, better choices. Even the usually even-handed Civilization wiki feels the need to tell us that America has boring unique abilities and won't come into its own until the modern era. None of that is even true, let alone the bottom slot on tier list America sometimes inhabits. In reality the extra line of sight is a nice ability for the entire game, helping with both exploration and war and the cheaper tile purchases is nice for anyone who regularly buys tiles i.e. any competent player. The unique units are fun as well, with the Minutemen getting an advanced promotion right away and the B-17 bomber which is both powerful and hard to hurt. I'm not sure why there's all this negativity against America, but I am a bit of a contrarian (wait a few days for my Venice review...) and this is a fun civ to play as.

The leader is Washington this time (Lincoln has appeared as well and in part six we're getting a ridiculous cartoon version of Theodore Roosevelt) and he appears in Mount Vernon, complete with a picture of the Oracle on the wall, finally solving that whole ancient 'murrca problem. It's such a cool little detail, well done whoever got that put in there.

  If you print this out and fold it you can make his head into a mushroom.

Most Memorable Game as America?

What started with the usual peaceful development became a battle for survival against a very hostile Mongol horde that wanted me gone. About halfway through the war I was able to start building Minutemen and was soon using them to fight steppe riders in the forests around New York. It's moments like this which make this game so much fun. It was like the world's worst, or possibly best, alternative history novel. American revolutionaries throwing off the Mongol yoke, using their own novel tactics to counter a ruthless and bloodthirsty Genghis that wants to make them a Golden Horde colony. One of you #amwriting newbies needs to make this concept happen, I'm dead serious. 

M.A.G.A.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #6 Babylon

Today we're going to tuck in between the Tigris and Euphrates and talk about the Neo-Babylonian empire or the Chaldeans if you prefer. That's what is clearly represented here, rather than the more ancient version of Babylon led by Hammurabi from the first game of the series, but as the world's biggest fan of the ancient Near East I'll still take it. Can you guys please include Sumeria, complete with a godawful mobile phone cartoon version of Ur-Nammu, in Part Six? You might get one extra sale, maybe. Think carefully before you say no.

I am aware that there's a mod that lets you play as Sumeria in Part 5 and that's all I'm going to say about that. Aren't we supposed to be talking about tertiary characters from the Old Testament?

Why is Babylon #6?

In this case there's more than just my unhealthy fixation on silt, complex irrigation, ziggurats and cup-bearers that later become kings and conquerors. The ability to quickly generate Great Scientists, including getting a free one just for researching Writing, is probably a bit overpowered and this is the reason this civilization tends to appear on the top of tier lists. The bowman is a fun throwback to early games and could be used for early rushes if you want to play against the obvious focus on peaceful development the science bonus encourages in the early game. The Walls of Babylon, a sort of off-brand Ishtar Gate, fit nicely with this theme and your typical "four city tradition" is going to be very strong as Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar II is a colorful character as well, what with his madness and cup-holding butterfingers. Not quite the cup bearer skills I was hoping for, but it will do.

My days of putting people in furnaces without result are over.

Most Memorable Game as Babylon?

I was playing on a lower difficultly level and got an absolutely ridiculous technology lead while otherwise avoiding conflict. We're talking nearly the "tanks vs. spearman" ridiculousness you could pull off in the early Civilization games. Instead of using this edge to conquer I played the policeman of the world, restoring nations that had been conquered, liberating city states, punishing warmongers and gifting generously to weaker rivals. I eventually won a science victory, but the entertaining part was being the world's sole Super Power and actually acting in responsible fashion. We are nothing if not civilized kings.

This particular museum wall is now much tougher.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #7 Rome

It's time for lucky seven. Be it ever so crumbling, there's no place like Rome. Besides, you had to know it was going to be on the list if the lesser descendant somehow made the cut. We're talking Roman Roads, the Senate, the people and giant crossbows used for shooting obnoxious enemy cities. Slip on the toga, let's get comfortable and talk about it.

Why is Rome #7?

Rome has been one of my favorite civilizations to play as since the first game of the series and this preference has more to do with their iconic status as one of the World's most powerful and aesthetically glorious empires than with any in-game features. Indeed, what you get isn't all that exciting, although I do enjoy building roads with Legions and the Ballista is a slightly better version of a unit I never use. The unique ability is what would be considered boring but practical, giving a production bonus to satellite cities on any building in Rome itself. Just use gold to quickly buy a new science building when the relevant technology is gained, for example, and then get it cheaper everywhere else. That's not too bad actually, but it's a subtle effect compared to some of the other abilities. Rome is mainly in this spot because of my arbitrary personal preferences, but that's the best reason there could ever be, right?

Caesar: scheming and powerful yet full of human frailty.

Most Memorable Game as Rome?

It was one of the first times I went Liberty instead of Tradition and I was actually able to settle six cities before direct violence became the only way to expand further. The Glory of Rome bonus was hitting on all cylinders in cranking buildings and the bland successors to the unused unique units took out the rest of the continent. I got the Order ideology first and became ridiculously strong but decided to stay out of the affairs of the other continent whose nations regarded me as a peaceful trade partner without wondering why half of my cities had French or Aztec names. Then it was just a matter of choosing the victory condition, ultimately settling on building a spaceship. Ad astra per aspera.

Remember when the Civilization games actually had a senate that overruled your wars? 

  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #8 Germany

Let continue the countdown of what is an objectively perfect ordering of video game tribes with a little iron to go with all that blood. Today's entry is, of all things, a story of redemption. What started as a one-note stereotype was fixed with only two official expansions and some patches. In the world of computer gaming this is a massive victory. Compare and contrast with "let's add more rebels!" for example.

Why is Germany #8?

Before Brave New World fixed them you'd be asking "Why is Germany #29?" Despite my highly vivid ancestral memories and an enjoyment of the color gray their initial incarnation fell well short of the glory suggested by vaguely recalled past incarnations. It even seemed somewhat lazy. We all know that the early war panzers were inferior to the Soviet and even the British armored units, right? A special pikeman is decent (and not missed at all when it went away) and the ability to snowball barbarian units combined for an overall lukewarm reaction, at best. Then they added the Hanseatic League via the Hansa bank special building and all was forgiven and then some. It's thematic, it's fun and it's breaks the usual boring "German people as militaristic robots" theme seen so many times. Whoever made that decision deserves a promotion or a medal or something.

Let's not forget Bismarck, who is the spitting image of a gym teacher I had in grade school. Couldn't it be Frederick the Great? One more patch, guys? Please? Fine, Mr. Angry Walrus it is.

Ve Germans are not all sunshine and chocolates.

Most Memorable Game as Germany?

That's an easy one: my first ever domination victory. This was in the original release, where this was all Germany was good for and I wanted that little achievement in the Steam library because why wouldn't I? I believe my thought process afterward was "Well, I'll never play as them again." If I only knew that a highly abstracted tribute to Renaissance North Sea trade would be later inserted, but a surprise is always better than a disappointment, isn't it? 

If I ever get a tattoo it would be this.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #9 Byzantium

We pick up the most scientifically and aesthetically pleasing attempt to rank the civilizations with the Eastern Roman Empire! Because being able to play as Rome, Greece and The Ottoman Empire isn't adequate coverage of this geographic region, not even close. I want to experience what Gibbon regarded as an extra thousand years worth of less interesting decline and collapse.

Why is Byzantium #9?

Greek fire! The dromon might be my favorite unique unit in the entire game, from the flamethrower animation when it attacks to the ability to conquer coastal cities early in the game when there's little your enemies can do about it. Then upgrade those experienced dromons into galeasses and then frigates to take even more cities. The religion bonus is one extra choice from any of the categories is also fun, providing almost as much entertainment as reading posts by people whining that they get a religious bonus but no help with faith and you obviously wouldn't prioritize shrines or a pantheon or display any situational awareness whatsoever. As for Theodora, I love how lazed-out she always is, just maxin' and relaxin' on a balcony no matter how bad things are going and generally resembling a "Did you get a job today?" teen more than one of history's most interesting women.

I'll do my homework later.

Most Memorable Game as Byzantium?

I was looking to perform some of that peaceful turtle power and maybe spread my extra-strength Orthodoxy, but my neighbor was the Huns, so you can guess how well that went. I conquered one of their cities with my dromons and some spearmen, made peace and pretty much assumed that was the end of that. Then they started another war and took their city back. I was upgrading my badly out-of-position navy for revenge, but then the game was abandoned in favor of a new beginning, probably as one of the top eight yet to be revealed. As much as I enjoy playing the Second Rome, I really haven't had many remarkable games with them, as you probably guessed after reading the above anecdote.

All those Greek words roughly translate to "get rekt."

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #10 Assyria

Over the next several days I'll be ranking my ten favorite civilizations from Civilization 5. They are not necessary chosen for being especially unique or powerful, but I like them for whatever reason. It's all opinion, but it is the correct opinion, clearly.

Why is Assyria #10?

I've always been fascinated with the fertile crescent and the ancient civilizations of that general region (more on this when we get to Babylon, major spoiler). I love the aesthetics, the actual game bonuses not so much, which is why they're not ranked higher. Ashurbanipal is jacked, bloodthirsty and a literary gentleman, a combination you don't see nearly enough in either fiction or history. How can you not root for a cultured villain from the bronze age? As far as actual crunch, the siege tower absolutely mauls enemy cities and the Royal Library can hold literary works that grant an experience boost to soldiers trained in that city, because knowledge is power. You can also take technologies by conquest, a fun throwback to the early games of the series. I'd probably be more excited if I wasn't a peaceful builder at heart, but if you're going to be a force of evil and chaos you should at least look good while doing it and maybe horde books to make your armies even deadlier. As usual, the romantic needs no explanation and the cynic won't be satisfied by any, no matter how carefully crafted.

Loves books, bench presses 315, massacres indiscriminately.

Most Memorable Game as Assyria?  

I was still learning the game, but wanted to try out this whole "war" mechanic to see if it could be fun. Soon I'd taken over two city states and destroyed Germany, wielding my siege towers with all the care and discretion of a child who finds a gun in a sock drawer. I wasn't really getting that there is a diplomatic and economic drawback to killing anything that moves. After the glorious early conquests my happiness was low enough to cause revolts and my neighbors Denmark and Sweden both declared war. This led to a seemingly endless conflict where they were both throwing alternating invasion waves at a frontier city, while I converted two generals into citadels and still struggled on defense, what with the massive discontent due to a lack of zoos and the like.

After hundreds of years of constant warfare I was finally able to turn the tide and eventually force a bitter peace after taking a few more cities, while still playing wack-a-mole with rebel scum, as if this was a Paradox game or something. For awhile it looked like I was going to lose the game on Prince level, something that, strictly speaking, should be impossible. Luckily I was able to eek out a victory on points after the final time, recording the lowest score of any victory to this day.

Nice city you got there. Would be a shame if this thing crashed into it over and over.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Pantheon Rankings

With Civilization 6 due out in about a month I'm going to be celebrating one of my favorite strategy games with some tier lists, a Top Ten civilization countdown and maybe some other fun stuff (most calming Civ colors, leaders ranked by how jacked they are, who knows). Will six be any good? Well, we're going to have mobile app-tier graphics, the return of Unit Stacks of Doom, exciting "innovations" no one asked for (Now they're called "Builders. Oh wow!). Trust me, that abortion of a video would be a DotTeeVee if it was shorter and I could control my gag reflex while watching it. So the answer to the hypothetical is probably "No, or at least not until it's been fixed with mods and expensive add-on packs." With that in mind, let's take a long hard look at five, which was the best in the series in humble and correct opinion.

To grade the pantheons I'm assuming the relevant terrain/luxury is present, but I will be taking into account the relative scarcities (Marble doesn't spawn in clusters, for example) as well as the set-up time involved to gain the bonus. Everything is graded A to F and there is no grade inflation. A "C" is solid but unspectacular, in other words, not a failing grade where your Panama City spring trip plans get cancelled. With that in mind, let's get going.

Ancestor Worship: +1 Culture from Shrines. This is pretty lackluster, in most games you're only going to have a few shrines when you get this and the bonus is too small to matter much later in the game. Since this won't help you get a religion you're also likely to lose it by then, although you probably won't even notice when you do. Grade: D

Dance of the Aurora: +1 Faith from Tundra tiles without forest. If you're unlucky enough to be surrounded by tundra...well, there are probably still better choices. This will help you get a religion, but at the expense of having to work tiles that are absolute garbage, especially early in the game. This one actually gets better later on when you can at least build trading posts, so at least there's that. The fact that this doesn't work on forest tundra, squares that are likely to have deer and thus not be worthless, is one final insult. Grade: D

Desert Folklore: +1 Faith from Desert tiles. There's reasons why a desert start is considered desirable and this very powerful pantheon is one of them. Unlike Dance of the Aurora it works on all desert tiles, including flood plains and oasis (That is the correct plural, right? Oasises? Oasisi?). The upshot is a large increase in faith generation and a chance to get a strong religion. Later in the game you might be able to build Petra and make this one even stronger. Grade: A

Earth Mother: +1 Faith from Copper, Iron and Salt. Tiles that are already very desirable now generate faith,  it's hard to find fault in that. Especially nice if you have salt, which is arguably the game's best luxury. I wouldn't hesitate to take it if the relevant resources are there. Grade: A

Faith Healers: +30 HP healed in adjacent to a friendly city. Sounds bad, is bad. You're not only giving up some very nice early boosts to take a pantheon that's only useful when you're in defensive wars, but the bonus itself isn't even all that great. To get the healing the unit can't take any action, making its worth as a defender very passive indeed. I could see how this might have highly situational use, but you're giving up way too much for a bonus that only activates when you're getting your lunch eaten. Grade: F

Fertility Rites: 10% bonus to surplus food. When the effect is correctly stated, as it just was, it's clear this one is deceptively awful. The promise of early growth is definitely enticing, but you're unlikely to get even a full unit of food from this. Grade: F

God of Craftsmen: +1 Production in cities with 3 or more population. This is yet another choice that sounds good on paper, but has a minimal impact on the game once it's chosen. Compare it to God-King, which gives +1 production and many other bonuses, God of the Sea which could generate many hammers in the right city or even Monuments to the Gods and it's clear this one is a pretty under-performing choice. Grade: D

God of the Open Sky: +1 Culture from Pastures. This is a nice culture boost early on tiles that would be worked anyways. On the down side, you'll have to actually build those pastures, which is time-consuming but would probably be among your first worker projects anyway. Overall, this is a very nice bonus in the early game, but loses some points for the set-up and the fact that it won't help you get a religion and as such is likely to be lost. Grade: B

God of the Sea: Definitely better than God of Craftsmen, but still not what I'd consider a top-tier choice. It can give a nice production boost, but is somewhat set-up intensive. Work boats are surprisingly expensive early on and there's often more pressing concerns to build. Once it's up and running it's a strong bonus, especially with a lighthouse in the city, but expect to lose it unless you gain a religion via natural wonders, world wonders or building lots of shrines and temples. Grade: C

God of War: Gain Faith for destroying units within four tiles of your cities. Much like trying to use the honor tree to generate a steady flow of culture, but even weaker. You'll need to fighting within your borders, something that shouldn't be happening if you're a serious war-monger and is likely to spell your ruin if you're not. It is marginally better than the other combat-oriented choices, but is still no prize. Grade: D

Goddess of Festivals: +1 Culture and Faith from Wine and Incense. On the plus side no special set-up is required other than working the relevant tiles. On the downside these are tiles that shouldn't be prioritized in the early game due to their lack of production and food. Overall this is pretty middle of the road. Grade: C

Goddess of Love: +1 Happiness in each city with a population of 6 or more. This provides a small boost in happiness, but only in larger cities. In other words, it's not going to solve those happiness problems, although at least it's something. Grade: D

Goddess of Protection: +30% to City's ranged attack strength. This is even worse than Faith Healers. A stronger one-shot per turn ranged attack won't save you if you're being overwhelmed and won't matter if your defense it strong. It would be interesting to try to pair this with the Red Fort and Their Finest Hour from the Liberty ideology to create insane city strengths, but let's be real, why would you even pick it? Grade: F

Goddess of the Hunt: +1 Food from camps. A nice early game food boost, one that actually makes a difference, unlike Fertility Rites. On the down side camps require Trapping, which is a second-tier improvement, so it will take time to get this bonus online. This makes this one a little weaker than Sun God, the strongest of the growth pantheons. Grade: B

God-King: +1 Science, Culture, Faith, Gold and Production in the Capital. Several small advantages are given and they activate right away without any need for constructing improvements, specific technologies or assigning citizens. This is the strength of God-King, but also the weakness since what you get is relatively minor compared to the stronger pantheon choices. I would take this as a consolation prize if what I really wanted was already gone. Grade: C

Messenger of the Gods: +2 Science in cities with a city connection. It's Science (!) so it's automatically good, right? Well, not really. The time to get your extra science is the major downfall, you need to research roads and then build them, as well as have enough cities built to gain the benefits. Maybe use Carthage's free harbors? Yeah, maybe. In most cases by the time you're getting this bonus it doesn't lend a huge advantage and you're about to lose it because you don't have a religion. Grade: D

Monument to the Gods: +15% production on Ancient/Classical wonders. On the highest difficulties this one is almost worthless for world wonders, although the bonus on national wonders is still nice. If you're playing on King or lower, this is probably a more reasonable choice and it does stack with Aristocracy from Tradition, the Marble bonus and Egypt's ability. Build the Pyramids in one turn? Not going to happen, but could be nice under the right circumstances. Grade: C

One with Nature: +4 Faith from Natural Wonders. A nice faith boost that activates immediately if you're working a natural wonder. If said wonder also offers faith, you're all but assured a strong religion. If the natural wonder is Grand Mesa or the Barringer Crater, this one might not be as attractive. Keep in mind that if you playing as Spain the faith from this is doubled, creating an insane 24 faith per turn if you're lucky enough to have Mt. Sinai. This one will be affected by the value of the natural wonder in question and it's unlikely you'll have more than one in your early empire, but it has the potential to be extremely strong. Grade: A

Oral Tradition: +1 Culture from Plantations. Another nice early culture boost, with the notable disadvantage that you need to build plantations first. It's worth noting that in many cases it's actually more desirable not to build a plantation, especially if you want to keep jungle tiles for science later on. This is the major failing of an otherwise nice pantheon. Grade: C

Religious Idols: +1 Faith and Culture from Gold and Silver. No set-up required and one of the rare choices that provides both faith and culture. On the downside Gold tends to spawn singularly rather than in clusters and you're going to need to get food for the city from some other source to enjoy the bonus. Once those issues are dealt with, this is a good choice. Grade: B

Religious Settlements: +15% faster border growth. Another choice that sounds useful and really isn't. The percentage boost is too small to make much of a difference, simply stated. If you went Tradition you probably won't even notice the effects and you get no boost to faith, culture or anything else, just marginally faster access to tiles that you could just buy or go Tradition to get. Grade: D

Sacred Path: +1 Culture from Jungle tiles. The good news is this also applies to tiles with special resources and you don't have to build any improvements. The bad news is that jungle tiles aren't desirable early on. A pretty mixed bag. Grade: C

Sacred Waters: +1 happiness from cities on rivers. Like Goddess of Love this provides a small boost to overall happiness. This time you need to build cities on rivers, something that realistically is not always going to possible and even if it were you're not getting a huge boost. I consider this one slightly better than Goddess of Love, but both are sub-par compared to other options. Grade: D

Stone Circles: +2 Faith from Quarries. This is a nice boost and stone/marble are very desirable tiles. Unfortunately, masonry is a second-tier technology and then the quarries must be built, so it's going to take time to start reaping the rewards, time that you can ill-afford if you're racing for a religion. This drawback is significant, along with the relative scarcity of marble, but overall this one is pretty decent in spite of these limitations. Grade: B

Sun God: +1 Food from Bananas, Citrus and Wheat. The best choice for early growth. This goes into effect immediately and once combined with farms and granaries it's possible to gain the equivalent boost of building the Hanging Gardens. This is the best non-faith pantheon. Grade: A

Tears of the Gods: +2 Faith from Gems and Pearls. The other +2 faith pantheon can be activated immediately and as such is potentially stronger. The tiles won't be as productive as quarries, however. Still, if the relevant luxuries are present there's no reason not to take this. Grade: B

  
Thanks for reading, stay tuned for more Civilization 5 goodness in the coming days!  


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.