DotTeeVee: Judge Doesn't Take Sovereign Citizen’s Nonsense

We've seen the traffic stops, but what happens afterward, when delusional sovereign citizens must face the fair and speedy trial? This is an important question that deserves a through answer, but instead I'm going to review a two and a half minute video and consider the matter closed. In today's subject, a citizen resistor confronts a judge (and some lesser civil servants who go uncredited) and discovers there's a lot less patience to be had in this environment than on the shoulder of some interstate after you drove your "flat earth" truthing "property" without a license plate because of freedom.

Anyways, our Free Man of the Land is already stirred up when the amazing footage begins, yelling "Insubordination!" at a bailiff because that's a logical thing to do. I don't think that word means what you think it does. The heroic beardo continues, blasting the state employee for letting down the public trust. I guess that all happened (and rest assured, it's no doubt legitimate) before this particular video began. We can only speculate over the usurpation that occurred. Asking him to take his hat off? Who knows.

Another individual enters, mumbling about the imminent arrival of the judge. This is like a top-quality stage play, full of bravura performances and challenging themes, to say nothing of the champion tier dialogue. "Am I Being Detained," a critically acclaimed single act avant-garde inquisition into freedom and responsibility. After some heavy silence while the new arrival walks over to his mark, our sovereign asks the assembled trope of low-level authorities if they want to make any "counter-claims." You really don't understand this whole "legal system" thing.

It is the bright day that brings forth the adder

And that craves wary walking. Crown him that,

And then I grant we put a sting in him

That at his will he may do danger with.

We're then told that "failure to answer is consent." There's so much wrong with this statement and so many troubling implications, I'm not sure where to begin. Believe it or not, it turns out that, legally, a lack of a response can never be interpreted as an agreement to something, but on the other hand you can just make things up as you go. The millennial Perry Mason, everyone. The last hope of a free and fair society makes passive-aggressive comments about the literacy of the court employees and then just reads the nonsense out loud anyway. Suffice it to say, we get some garbled legalese that doesn't actually confer anything resembling a lucid meaning. The court room is like a wizard battle, just shout the magic words you don't understand and then you win.

 Am I being summoned? Am I free to go?

The babbling concludes with a "Do you agree?" paired with a lean-in of anticipation. Honestly, this is fake dinner theater I'm watching, right? Believe it or not, agreement is not obtained from the well-fed tool of the fascist regime we live under. Instead, he saunters past, the bright yellow hilt of the taser clearly visible. Anton Chekhov would be proud of this high-quality foreshadowing.

We get some fairly standard issue "I do not consent!" which is pretty bizarre, considering no one has made any request of the Article Four Inhabitant, but again, you want to check all the boxes. Let's discuss municipalities! Before this can turn into a thrilling Sunday morning local politics show, however, our hero demands to know who the "gatekeeper" is. Legal drama or high fantasy, it's a lot harder to tell the difference than you might initially expect.

What the hell are you talking about, cartoon from 2010?

Next it's time to question the "venue." John Grisham, eat your heart out and move over. It turns out we're in Oklahoma, so maybe this should've been a musical. Anyway, the judge is here and it's time for the "all rise" tyranny that any non-slave must reject. "I object!" You know, maybe watching half an episode of "Matlock" after taking krokodil didn't really adequately prepare you for this. The judge starts laying down the suppression. Who does this guy think he is, God? Far out, man.

The Sovereign Citizen is promptly arrested. I know, who could have predicted? In fine literary propriety, the shock gun is deployed just as the video ends.

Komment Korner   

lol dang where is the rest of the video. I want to see the camera guy get beat up to

He's in court no doubt for failing to a provide his drivers license during a routine traffic stop, probably got one of his windows smashed as well.

I can't believe those servants did that to a sovereign citizen! He even gave them a lawful order to stand down and they refused!!

It's ever so much fun when they get tased! :)

Mans that's some concentrated crazy right there

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: Government Waste Includes Swedish Massages for Rabbits, Monkey Gambling Lessons

How would you like to hear about massive government waste involving your tax dollars? I know, the Big Game is on soon and thinking causes physical pain and sexual side-effects, but in this case I promise it will be worth it. We're talking gambling monkeys, rabbits that live in the lap of decadent luxury and some Republican trapped on the wrong side of history trying to get someone, anyone, to actually care about this appalling misappropriation. Yes, this should be the new youth fad. "Hey dawg, let's rap about the appropriation of federal funds. Totally rad! Twenty-three skiddoo!"

More than a dozen lucky rabbits were given Swedish massages four times a day, courtesy of U.S. taxpayers, as part of a study to figure out whether massage can help recovery times after strenuous exercise — a practice Sen. Tom Coburn says makes a mockery of federal spending.

I can see giving tax dollars to "moderate" terrorists or blimp attack defense domes, but I didn't get all those automatic pay check deductions so Bugs Bunny can get endless deep tissue stimulation! Basic research, the oldest con game in the book.

The rabbit massages are one of the hundred wasteful products Mr. Coburn, an Oklahoma Republican, identified in his latest edition of the Wastebook, an annual compendium of the ridiculous and outrageous items in government spending, which he is releasing on Wednesday.

On Wastebook you post pictures of yourself achieving nothing of any value, sometimes paired with self-congratulatory text updates. So it's just like that other one.

Every year this guy lists the outrages and nothing ever changes. We need to start caring about PEOPLE, man. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna fall off this bar stool, stagger home and beat my family savagely.

Other highlights included the National Science Foundation paying academics to teach monkeys to gamble

"No, Chin Chin! You don't split up two tens!!!

A first-person combat shooting video game the Army developed — but which intelligence officials fear terrorists could use to train their own recruits.

I don't want to alarm you, but the terrorists may have access to video games. Seriously, what is this? I always assumed terrorists trainees (complete with special little name tags) just watch endless episodes of "Jersey Shore," "Teen Mom" and "Real Housewives" until the proper hatred for the American Satan has been instilled.

Indeed, Hezbollah has adapted the game’s design to train suicide martyrs.

"Pretend the dots are innocent people and the ghosts represent enemy soldiers."

Mr. Coburn’s investigators also found scientists putting mountain lions, monkeys, rats and cows on treadmills.

Our national mountain lion obesity problem is deeply troubling. This is the way forward.

In the case of the rabbits, they weren’t put on treadmills but were forced to exercise in order to create stress.

"Get off that treadmill, Thumper! What do you think you are, a cow or something?"

Science!

Taxpayers paid $387,000 for the two-year study, which concluded that other studies were right, and massage seemed to help in recovery — though it wasn’t clear that rabbit physiology could be extrapolated to humans. The rabbits were euthanized at the end of the study, Mr. Coburn’s report says.

It's funny that in the rush to get all scandalized over the sweet life of these jumping vermin we kind of glossed over the whole "euthanized" thing. 

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

The country fell short by roughly 536 impeachment hearings that year.

Who Is John Galt?

Next time Sen. Coburn needs life saving modern medial care, maybe he should decline as it is almost certainly grounded in basic research that, since he has no expertise or ability to put in context, he'd declare was a waste of taxpayers money when it was performed.

You've got to pass what's in the cupboard before you can see what's in the cupboard

Barbara, I think you're falling for a classic Tom Coburn misdirection.

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Teen Tricked Oklahoma Walmart Managers Out Of Nearly $30,000

I'm not sure if a story about some punk kid ripping off big boxes under obvious false pretenses destroys my little remaining faith in our youth or completely restores it. Maybe call it a draw? Either way, this caper has "wacky Hollywood comedy that glorifies evil" written all over it.

A 17-year-old scammed 3 Oklahoma Walmart stores out of nearly $30,000, reports KFOR-TV.

This is why you're wrong, Grandpa. This story proves not all of us whippersnappers are lazy.  Sure we're deceitful and amoral monsters, but we're not afraid to put the shoulder to the criminality grindstone.

Police say the teen, whose name is not being released because he is a juvenile, conned the managers of those stores into thinking he was an employee.

The old "pretend to be an employee" trick. Ask a government worker for more information on how that one is done.

At a Walmart in Moore, the teen “acted as if he was a general manager from another store,” says the police report. He told the managers he was doing an inventory before corporate higher ups came to inspect them after the holidays.

"Dude, I mean sir, I'm General Manager Van Halen and it's very important I go through all the money for like, holiday inspection or whatever."

Surveillance cameras recorded the teen all alone in the cash room where he took “multiple bundles of cash, stuffing them inside his pockets and clothes,” says the report.

So in other words he acted the way most legitimate management does, perhaps somewhat more blatantly.

He allegedly showed up in uniform and nametag at a store in Edmond, where he worked a register and pocketed $3,000.

Well, he's got a name tag. That's enough proof for me. Leave him alone in the cash room for a few hours.

I don't like these new greeters they're using.

Authorities say he had a uniform and nametag because he had worked at a Walmart in Oklahoma city…before he was fired for stealing.

This must be one of those "patterns" that those super genius guys on the electronic toilet use to solve crimes.

Komment Korner  

Given his obvious mental capacity, they ought to give a light sentence and pay his college tuition. He might do some good for the world.

He was just getting seed money to start his hedge fund.

He's a prime candidate for a long career as a Wall St "investment banker".

Obviously you are ignorant piece of garbage

Good going, young one! Very proud of you!

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here