DotTeeVee: Watch Jeb Bush sink to an all time low

Before we start savoring today's video like a fine cognac I want to make it clear I made the decision to talk about this one before Jeb unconditionally signed the terms of surrender on the battleship USS Taj Mahal a few hours ago. In a very real sense I'm disappointed with this news and who can blame me, what with this sudden loss of a seemingly unexpendable vein of shameful joy created by Jeb! and his dead on arrival campaign for the presidency. I suppose we can either mourn for the pathetic depths that he won't sink to now or just be happy that we got to see the train-wreck in the first place. Good night sweet prince, here's hoping there's a big guac bowl and an ill-fitting hoodie waiting for you in the Better Place.

Holla at me dawg. Unnnnnnnnnnn.

Today's subject is provided by something called "Patriot Planet," presumably a news source for those of us who can't get enough cloying jingoism, chirping news bunnies and highly biased ineptly delivered reporting but are unable to get FOX news because a flood done washed out the tower. As you might expect we open with an image of our pale blue dot with the American flag superimposed (Just try to stop us, other nations!) and a teaser promising a new low for Jeb, because every video on Youtube assumes that the viewer hasn't read the title and needs to have it delivered baby food style, open wide moron, here it comes.

Making sure not to look at the hard camera "Cynthia May" gives us the goods, explaining how America has been spared from Bush III, who was last seen begging for approval from his own ostensible supporters. Miss May describes the low energy we're about to witness as being "somewhat impassioned" which I guess is the "Research paper that looked like it was written by a functional illiterate suffering from late-stage syphilis still gets a C+ at the student loan factory" equivalent for politics. 

The crowd apparently missed a "cue," causing embarrassing silence. Animals, children and GOP establishment rally-goers, they're just impossible to work with. I'll be in my trailer, call me when those amateurs get it together.

Come home Jeb, your family and friends are worried about you.

On to the actual footage and, sure enough, the man that somehow raised eight figures worth of federal reserve play money in exchange for single digit vote percentages is discussing the path of peace with the sort of subdued and completely burned-out apathy of a public school teacher in a remedial reading class who's three days from retirement. A "please clap" earns the socially prescribed imitation of seal flippers and I've honestly never seen a man so completely broken. Cynthia grinds in additional indignity by mentioning the 100 million wasted, money that could have purchases 50 million fairly decent tacos or maybe fixed some of those collapsing bridges or whatever.

The man without a last name's "desperate losing battle" is discussed, complete with references to how he was "picked on" by Trump. You're going in the locker Jeb, as soon as I get done filling your shirt with leaves. In fine well-researched non-sheeple news tradition we're assured that the Florida governor is not about to give up and should be able to waste millions more. If only. Think of the consulting fees we could have wrung out of this loser, but he had to pack it in despite forming a truly pathetic tag-team with Lindsey "Zero Percent" Graham. 

The refreshing and with-it voice of a new generation.

Cynthia makes the same intervention joke I made earlier and I realize that this clip contained barely any footage of Jeb going down in flames and was mostly just her yapping, but confident music is already playing us out (I don't know what that means) so now is not the time to dwell on technicalities.

The high moral and technical standards of "Patriot Planet" are somewhat undermined by a teaser at the end promising us "celebrity gossip." I thought we were gonna fight the N.W.O., not find out who was in a bikini. Man, everyone's a phony.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBLVHpPxnho&spfreload=10

Komment Korner  

First comment yay!   

LOL, I think a better thing to say would be "it's O.K. to clap" 

lol. "now it's a great time for intervention"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

News You Can't Use: The Anti-Drone Hoodie That Helps You Beat Big Brother's Spy in the Sky

There are few safer choices of clothing than a "hoodie" if you want to avoid being the victim of random violence. But could it defeat drones? An exciting new story confirms that no, it could not.

Huzzah! My +2 Hoodie of Drone Immunity is ready, Obummer!

I am wearing a silver hoodie that stops just below the nipples. Or, if you prefer, a baggy crop-top with a hood.

"I am writing an article about this." Yeah, I get it. Also, I definitely prefer the second description. We don't need to bring the "N Word" into this story of fashion, hipsters, paranoia and other assorted idiocy.

  

It has wide square shoulders and an overzealous zip that does up right to the tip of my nose.

I don't know if "overzealous" can be applied to zippers when it comes to secretive murders carried out by the N.W.O. If anything, that zipper doesn't go far enough.

 
It does not, it's fair to say, make its wearer look especially cool. But that's not really what this hoodie is about. It has been designed to hide me from the thermal imaging systems of unmanned aerial surveillance vehicles – drones. And, as far as I can tell, it's working well.

"Yeah, have a good laugh. We'll see who is still laughing after the unmanned aerial surveillance vehicles, or "drones" if you will, are deployed against us by an evil madman that once won a peace prize for some reason.

Hopefully he's more accurate with these than he is with a basketball.

"It's what I call anti-drone," explains designer Adam Harvey. "That's the sentiment. The material in the anti-drone clothing is made of silver, which is reflective to heat and makes the wearer invisible to thermal imaging."

Hell yes. I'm like a Starbucks drinking version of The Predator. 

It began in 2010 with Camoflash, an anti-paparazzi handbag that responds to the unwanted camera flashes with a counter-flash of its own, replacing the photograph's intended subject with a fuzzy orb of bright white light.

Thanks to that invention the paparazzis have all been forced to retire and get honest jobs. Most people don't even care about celebrities anymore and the pursuit of scientific knowledge is now the main interest of the average American. Discarded televisions are filling our landfills and this new Golden Age of knowledge and wisdom is a direct result of the "Camoflash." Now if only we can figure out a way not to be murdered by Comrade President...hoodie...yes...societal perfection achieved.

There is, I point out, no obvious target audience for anti-drone fashion. He's unfazed.

Hey, shut up. 

So this is that "sarcasm" I keep hearing about.

You can imagine everything, from general domestic spying by a government, or more commercial reconnaissance of individuals."

Go on bud/zip it up/'til you reach that pure imag-in-ation!

Not least because many of the people making counter-surveillance equipment are keen to keep it out of civilian hands. "The only people who really don't need to be seen," says military camouflage designer Guy Cramer, "are the ones who are doing something wrong out there."

There's nothing more relieving than having a shady military-type explain that only the "bad people" are going to get it and you're certainly not one of the "bad people," are you? We can all stop worrying.

He, too, is sceptical about the real-world application of anti-drone fashionwear: "It doesn't matter how good your clothing is, if you're not masking every part of your body – your hands, your face, your eyes – it's going to give away your position." An anti-drone burqa, then? That, he admits, would do the trick. But it would really take the fashion out of counter-surveillance fashionwear.

"It wouldn't even protect you when we come to get you...er, which we'd never do because your government loves you and cares deeply about your rights as a free individual in an open society. Now, if you'll excuse me there's this germ warfare project I have to get back to."

Full Article.

By the way, April Fools. Haw. Haw. Haw.

Komment Korner 

Remember the Branch Davidians in Waco? Lots of Britons among the dead, killed by a US police agency. Today, they'd probably use drones instead of a tank to burn people to death.

I don't think I need a tinfoil hat. I think you lack empathy and compassion.

Youll be able to identify tw*ts from a mile off when they start wearing those things.

 Aah, a bad taste April Fools.


Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.