News You Can't Use: Coke Acts to Fend Off Obesity Criticism

Drinking "Coke" rules. It tastes like rust. It provides essential sugars, an area where almost everyone is deficient. It's very efficient to consume the equivalent of twenty tablespoons of sugar in just a few minutes and no doubt conducive to robust good health. Then there's the high fructose corn syrup. Corn is a vegetable and vegetables are healthy, therefore soda is healthy. Also syrup. Is there anything that screams a live well lived more than consuming various syrups? I'm pretty sure our Olympic athletes mostly consume special "training syrups."

And yet, not everyone is happy. Can you believe it, let alone dig it?

Coca-Cola has moved to head off rising concerns that sugary drinks are contributing to an obesity epidemic by adopting clearer calorie-count labels, promoting diet drinks and renewing a pledge not to market to children under 12.

Soda will not be sold to anyone who fails to provide a valid junior high ID. Because we all know how well that works. Of course bubble water is just one contributing factor to obesity and not the sole cause and "diet" sodas are full of dangerous chemicals in their own right, but when you're making a "pledge" logic probably isn't foremost in your mind.

The cause of the 1886 obesity panic is finally revealed.

The policy, announced on Wednesday, comes as the world’s largest beverage company and its rivals draw fire from health experts and lawmakers over the high calorie content of their flagship products.

If we could just make this product illegal it would solve everything. It worked for alcohol, after all. I guess "free will" is the one thing health experts don't want us to exercise.

He said soda sales had fallen in the US as consumers, worried about health issues, “self-regulated” their consumption. As a result, beverage companies are expanding in emerging markets, including India and China, to win new business.

Self-regulators. We regulate our own behavior without any laws forcing us. But you can't be any geek off the street. Gotta be handy with the health issues, earn your keep. Self-regulators...mount up!

As the recent days of warm weather has confirmed, America is the land of healthy, modest, self-regulators. Better go to China, land of irresponsibility and materialism. 

Next you'll tell me smoking is bad!

Analysts said Coke and rivals were concerned about a crackdown around the world.

Sugar Wish Part 4: The Crackdown. "You like Crystal Pepsi? I'm about to send you to a place where they still have it."

“Behind the scenes they’re lobbying, they’re fighting every single government attempt to try to limit sales of their products,” said Marion Nestle, a public health professor at New York University.

The secret cola wars rage on, shadow warriors fighting an invisible enemy. How many more must die for our sacred right to pour fizzy garbage into our fat faces?

Shares closed down 0.6 per cent to $42.45 in New York.

This slight drop caused some horrible rich bastard to lose more money than I'll probably earn in my lifetime. He didn't even notice. 

Full Article.

Komment Korner
  

Coke is a distributor. The principle culprit is the sugar industry that manufactures an ingredient that kills and maims in all its forms. 

Which fool doesn't realise that Coke is unhealthy? Possibly the same fools that don't realise that a packet of peanuts may contain traces of nuts!

Or how about the caffeine content causing addition to their product? Surely this is a heath issue on a par with cigarettes? 

Putting the calorie count on the container isn't going to be effective if people's stomach sensors are confused by the HFCS and they continue to want more of the beverage.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

News You Can't Use: Fork Vibrates When You Eat Too Quickly

The stagnation in fork technology, especially when compared to the dynamic and exciting field of the knife, has been a troubling indictment of modern society. Why are we still using tined eating implements that would not have been out of place in 1900? Where is the innovation? And most importantly, how can it strip the joy out of stuffing garbage straight from a chemistry lab into the old sarcasm hole? Well, someone finally stepped up. For the first time since the introduction of the spork the dinner table landscape has changed, perhaps irrevocably.

Looks at fork, looks at toothbrush, looks at marital aid...an invention is born!

 

An electronic fork that vibrates when you eat too quickly has hit the marketplace. It's called the HAPIfork. It's makers say it allows the consumer to quickly monitor and reduce the speed at which they eat.

The average modern person is completely helpless without various electronic devices beeping and buzzing and generally giving orders. No longer will we have to rely on indicators like "my mouth is currently full" or "man, my stomach hurts" when a simple, expensive as all hell, device can do the job for us. The next logical step is putting a phone and internet connection into it. Maybe an app that makes a map on how to get from the plate to the big hole in your head.

The French inventors hope it can help combat obesity.

This intolerant fork is guilty of fat shaming! Hate crime! Fatophobia! Shame! Shame! Shame!

Body Type: Average. Nationality: American.

 

If someone is deemed to be eating too fast, HAPIfork alerts them with a gentle vibration and indicator light to remind them to slow down.

Don't go getting any weird ideas, ladies.

The company is trying to raise money via the crowd funding site Kickstarter.  People who pledge $99 to the company get one of the forks.

What a brilliant idea "Kickstarter" is. It's like an initial public offering with all expectations of "return on investment" neatly removed. $99 for a vibrating fork. Give $98 and you get the warm inner satisfaction of funding an idea so profoundly stupid that it almost beggars belief.

All the amazing details.

Komment Korner

Michael Moore could use his as a jackhammer.

If Limbaugh had one, would be shaking like Madonna's nightstand....

Only the French could be this stupid!

Now you will be told how fast you can eat, then next on the list will be how fast you should breathe, because as Bloomberg said, we know better then you do, what's best for you. You're too stupid.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.