Showing posts with label Blame Young People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blame Young People. Show all posts

Sunday, November 30, 2014

News You Can't Use: To Lure Young, Movie Theaters Shake, Smell and Spritz

Hey, young person! Yes, you there with the Chinese electronics and "with it" ideas. How would you like to see a movie based on a cartoon designed to sell toys from 1986? What do you mean, no? Would you change your mind if I told you that you'll be sprayed with various vile fluids and shaken like a Bond Martini? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Having tried 3-D films, earsplitting sound systems and even alcohol sales in pursuit of younger moviegoers, some theater chains are now installing undulating seats, scent machines and 270-degree screens.

Where gimmicks from the 1950s and "Underage drinker night" failed, the scent machines will surely succeed. Can you imagine how much better old films would be if the sent of desert sand or old newspapers was constantly blasting you in the face? Clearly this will produce a golden age of Super Movies that will make us wonder why we even cared about all that old junk.

For an $8 premium, a Regal theater here even sprays patrons with water and pumps scents (burning rubber, gun powder) into the auditorium.

Still cheaper than the popcorn, haw haw. Here's three Washingtons and a King Lincoln, can't wait to safely simulate car accidents and gun mayhem.

Can’t cope with two hours away from your smartphone? One theater company has found success with instant on-screen messaging — the texted comments pop up next to the action.

As my seat spun around and I inhaled simulated distressed rubber I was worried I was under-stimulated. Thank goodness for this.

“When I step back and think about what will get people off a couch, in a car, down the road and into a theater, the answer is not postage stamp-sized screens and old seats,” said Gerardo I. Lopez, the chief executive of AMC Entertainment, the No. 2 chain in the United States.


What will get you to take that gun out of your mouth, dress yourself, get into that car, hit the accelerator, negotiate traffic on a road, find a designated theater location and then exchange federal reserve paper for the privilege of seeing a Young Adult novel sort of come alive? It's certainly not going to be compelling stories or skillful direction. Scent sprayers, that has a chance.

“Why would they bother? What the hell, stay in the house.”

No spinning seat that rattles in time with the explosions? Might as well just pull that trigger, the world has nothing for you.

Ticket revenue in North America has fallen 4 percent this year compared to the same period in 2013, according to box office analysts, and attendance is equally down.

Well, that explains the explosion of low budget films and huge pay-cuts for name actors.

Last year, despite a glut of extravagant action movies, the number of frequent moviegoers ages 18 to 24 dropped 17 percent, compared to a year earlier; the 12-to-17 age bracket dropped 13 percent.

We know those punks love deadly violence and loud talking from examining their own pathological behaviors, but for reasons unknown they're not going to theaters. Must be the lack of odors.

The undiscerning young ticket buyers Hollywood has long counted on to turn out weekend after weekend are suddenly discerning.

The nightmare of an educated society! Deploy the new Smart Phones!

Or they are at least busying themselves with video games, living room wide-screen televisions and devices that can pull up thousands of movies with a couple of clicks.

Relax, no one got any smarter. Just much lazier and much, much more pathetic.

“The traditional moviegoing experience is at odds with the rest of their lives,” said Ben Carlson, president of Fizziology, a consultancy that focuses on entertainment and social media.

My doctorate in Fizziology is less useful than you might expect.

There are two types of water effects: rain, which drops from the ceiling, and mist, which is squirted from the seat in front of you. (Patrons can turn off the water by pressing a button.)

Forgive me for not wanting anything squirted from the seat in front of me while at the theater.

“We’re adding to the story, not taking away from it,” said Catherine Yi, a senior editor for CJ 4Dplex, the company behind the technology.

For the last time, this not a stupid gimmick. Please stop asking.

“It’s way cooler than it sounds,” said David Ramirez, 25, as he left a crowded 4DX screening of “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1” last weekend.

"I'm a man in my mid-twenties but I went to a movie based on a novel aimed at twelve-year-old girls," he added.

But the current move toward interactivity and immersion is unlikely to go away entirely, analysts say, in part because of a generational shift.

Sure. Wake me when "Sense-r-round" comes back.

I'm a unique individual full of value.

Allowing patrons to use their smartphones in certain auditoriums has been discussed intermittently by exhibitors, although worries about piracy, among other factors, have prevented that notion from moving forward in the United States. But theater chains paid keen attention to a recent texting trial in China.
 
I'd love to read those texts, full of loyalty to the glorious People's Government and Right Think. Show us the way, China.

At August screenings in 11 cities of “The Legend of Qin,” an animated movie, ticket buyers were allowed to log on to a Wi-Fi network and use their mobile phones to text with other attendees as the film played. The messages appeared next to the action, much like VH1’s “Pop Up Video” program.

Behold the huge leap forward in yelling "Don't go in there, girl!" at the screen.

“Our customers really seemed to like it,” said Timothy Warner, Cinemark’s chief executive.

Nothing soul-crushing here, that's for sure.

But Mr. Warner vowed that Cinemark would go only so far. “Unlike some of the others,” he said, “we still think the reason people go to the movies is to see movies.”

It sounds crazy, but you might be on to something here.

Full Story.

"Maybe one day this theater will produce a real rain and a vibrating seat."


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

News You Can't Use: High-Fliers at Risk of Isolation and Depression From Internet Addiction

Internet addiction is a problem, and not just for the "one more game" video avenger or the one-handed typist. No, actual productive and valuable human assets are now falling victim to this scourge. What can we do about it? If you immediately thought "write a snarky blog post mocking a serious problem," we're definitely on the same wavelength on this one.

The most successful employees are at risk of isolation, depression and anxiety as they increasingly use the internet to continue to work outside the office, researchers have warned.

Nothing says "success" like a heapin' helpin' of isolation, depression and anxiety with a side of the early death. Slave away in some meaningless job that shuffles around debt at levels are minds can't even properly comprehend. Take that work home. Wear an electronic chain around your neck. Suffer a plethora of psychological and physical issues as a result. Keep telling yourself how free you are.

A new study suggests workaholics are increasingly logging on after work, becoming addicted to the web and are more likely to suffer from withdrawal symptoms when they switch off.

Yes, withdrawal symptoms. Got runny nose and the shakes...better look at some scores on a mainstream sports site...ah, that's the rush.

But researchers warned the dangers are being overlooked by companies because those at the most risk are usually the most successful.

I know it's hard to believe, but your company might not be as concerned that you're killing yourself so some horrible rich bastard can become slightly richer as you'd probably expect.

“Compulsive behaviour occurs when workers cross an invisible boundary and their internet use becomes unhealthy,” said Nada Kakabadse Professor of policy, governance and ethics at Henley School of Business.

"I'd tell you more, but I'm pretty busy changing signage now that the word "ethics" is finally being removed from the department name to better reflect reality."

Also, "invisible boundary." Sorry, cool science-fiction language is not saving this tale of pathetic wage slavery.

“They spend increasing amounts of time online, waking up three times in a night to check their emails, eating patterns become irregular, relationships suffer and they become totally absorbed and feel anxious when separated from the computer. 

"Computer is only real friend...don't need to eat...can't be separated...must...check...e-mail..."

“For overachievers it is worse and they are more likely to burn-out more quickly. They begin to lose judgement and make mistakes.”

Underachiever and proud of my resistance to "burn-out."

Researchers said they had expected to find compulsive internet use among the young and the unemployed who had more time on their hands. But they were surprised to find overachievers were actually the most at risk.

We were hoping to just keep piling it on the young people, who we blame for everything, because that never gets old. That was our noble goal. Then we were shocked that there's pathology among business zombies.

The team found the working excessively was the ‘strongest predictor’ of compulsive internet use.

I mean, you can still blame that on the young. Maybe they're so lazy that you're forced to pick up the slack or something. Come on, use your imagination!

Co-author Dr Cristina Quinones-Garcia of Northampton Business School said: “Internet supports all areas of human interaction. However the omnipresence of this phenomenon could have double-edged sword impact on our lives.

Unnecessary fifty cent words, sloppy mixed metaphors...yeah, you're a professional academic. 

Now stay off that internet, it's a bad addiction for your kind.

“Those individuals who use technology to enable working beyond office hours tend to be highly successful in their jobs, but are at a high risk of developing problems.”

"Society says they're winners, so that must be true, but they sure seem to be miserable."

Researchers have called on companies to issue guidelines on safe internet use outside the workplace which educates about the dangers.

Because employers controlling your private life is a Good Thing.

A recent poll found that British workers would rather have no heat and water than lose their Internet connection at home.

I'm sure this has been duly noted by your rulers and you can expect exciting new "Heat and Water Adjustment Acts" very soon.

A separate study of found that three quarters of workers are now afraid to open their emails on Monday morning.

Hey, it's stressful being related to Nigerian nobility who are constantly dying and leaving massive fortunes that get tied up for want of a $200 processing fee.

For some it grew so bad that they felt ‘paralysed’ by the volume of messages , said lead author Mare Teichmann.

"Trapped...can't move...so many discount Viagra offers....sent help..."


Komment Korner  

Next we'll be seeing a bunch of unbathed, welfare using, parents basement dwelling protesters attacking over achievers.

Did I get redirected from the Mickey Mouse Club website somehow??

still have trouble letting go of Battle Pirates, working on it... baby steps.

Loss of employment, even imprisonment from reckless drunken posts and tweets, temptation to view worse and worse pornography or searches which will attract the attentions of the authorities are some of the more serious possibilities.


Shill Section  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.