News You Can't Use: Judge Nixes Nutter Administration Attempt To Tax Lap Dances at Strip Clubs

Sleazy thrills are the bread and vegetables of the psyche and as such, logically, should be as equally resistant to taxation as their physical counterparts. The right to "back rooms," "You'll get more grinding for an extra $10" and quasi-prostitution in general has recently come under fire from over-reaching Big Government, kicking off yet another quiet battle for the nation's soul.

It's going down in Philadelphia, until now mostly known for its freeway killers and the time when a rapper was spun like a human propeller, necessitating a fear-based parental decision to move him to an elite West Coast neighborhood. Now it will also be remembered as the place where "Mayor Nutter," who quite frankly sounds like a character in an XXX-rated City Council-themed VHS from the nineties, waged a losing battle against our freedom to exchange cash for crotch friction without having to pay a "Stamp Act" type punitive tax.

The Nutter administration has lost in its legal battle to tax lap dances performed in the back rooms of strip clubs.

Time to sign that unconditional surrender in the back room of the battleship Missouri. 

Lawyers for the city had gone before Common Pleas judge Ellen Ceisler, arguing that the city’s Tax Review Board last year was wrong when it said the city’s amusement tax was too vague to be applied to lap dances.

You've got to love the idea of an "amusement tax." "Hey, you with that smile on your face! Either stop being happy or pay the government!"

“If the city wants to tax lap dances, they can go to City Council, ask City Council to amend the ordinance, and they can start imposing a tax on lap dances. Or anything else they want: karaoke songs, piano playing.  Anything they want.  But you have to put it in the ordinance. You just can’t make it up as you go along.”

You can do anything you want, but first you have to get it past a body of faceless suits in a hearing no one knows or cares about. That's the correct procedure. Just make sure your speech is short.

Club Risqué and Cheerleaders, represented by Bochetto, faced tax bills totaling nearly $900,000. A third club, Delilah’s, was assessed more than $630,000 in back taxes, interest, and penalties for lap dances.

Fortunately the Sin Industry is the only growth industry left in America other than credit card debt and stripping copper wires, so it probably could have taken this tyrannical hit.

“I think the courts have essentially borne out our conclusions all along, that the city never really had a good case. The case never really should have even gone this far.”

"Let's celebrate by sitting back from the main stage, slowly nursing a beer and ignoring the repeated requests for "private dances."

Bochetto believes any further effort by the administration to tax lap dances would not sit well in any court.

Which is ironic considering how difficult it is to sit well after one of those "dances."

Please take any keys out of your pockets, keep you arms at your sides and fill out tax form 15158-EZ.

“I think the swiftness of Judge Ceisler’s ruling sends a message to the city that it’s time to give it up,” he said today. “It’s time to call it a day.”

You have suffered a total and complete rout at the hands of the legal representatives of "Cheerleaders." Game Over.

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

What the fffffk? Obumfk has put in place taxes on suntan parlors and a couple other things noteworthy.

Ummm, while true, the implication that conservatives are the patrons of strip clubs is simply inaccurate.

I'd makem say uhhhh.

Getting your news from ABC, NBC,CBS,CNN, MSNBC or NPR is like watching Hogan's Hero's to learn about the Holocaust.

Jessica alba has the #1 pooper, man its FANTASTIC

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: 10 Cent Charge on Plastic and Paper Bags

There is nothing wrong with our great nation that can't be solved by placing ridiculous and punitive taxes on ordinary people. This is especially true when in pursuit of some misguided social engineering. Consider bag use. This is a problem. Our rulers see people carrying things in bags and think to themselves "How can we put a stop to this." We're not yet at the point where martial law is on the table, so it's just gonna have to be another charge. Let the government run your pockets, America.

New legislation that is aimed to dramatically reduce bag use in New York City would put a $.10 surcharge on plastic or paper carry out bags at grocery and retail stores.

A sure fire solution to this imaginary crisis. It's hard to believe big government has critics.

They say the proposed charge would not be a tax and the stores would actually keep the money to cover the cost of providing bags.

"Here's some weasel language to make this whole thing even more insulting." Yeah, thanks. If the stores were really so burdened by the massive cost of plastic 'n' paper wouldn't they just pass that cost on to the consumer on their own, without government intervention? It's this thing called the "Free Market" that I remember existing. Or at least I'm pretty sure it did, everything in the past is kinda fuzzy. Oh well, back to the television.

"Save us, invasive government legislation!"

"It can be easy to forget the impact we each have on the environment - an impact that really adds up when you have a city of eight million people," said Council Member Brad Lander. "The truth is, there are a lot of times that we don't really need a plastic bag."

We must save the concrete and steel ecosystem! Think of the pigeons and rodents of unusual size! Besides, you don't really need that bag. Trust us, we know better than you do, we're your elected officials.

New York City pays an estimated $10 million to transport 100,000 tons of plastic bags to landfills in other states each year, according to the city.

We're not going to name those other states, but their initials are "New Jersey." Since this non-tax, no seriously it really isn't, goes directly to the business I don't really see how this will help. Unless there's really that much frivolous usage going on, which seems a bit of a stretcher. 

Restaurants would not be covered due to limited alternatives for delivery and take-out food orders.

But, but...the environment! That's what this is about, right? Certainly not putting extra burdens on ordinary people.

Under the legislation, stores would be required to waive the charge for providing paper or plastic bags for transactions where the customer is using food stamps.

Because if you're on food stamps you are pure light and goodness and can't possibly injure Mother Earth.

Here's the bag I think this proposal needs:

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

New York - you people have a looney mayor and even loonier council members.

Want to take the risk of infecting your family, keep using the reuseables.

A 10% tax on dirt bags would balance the budget...and then some

BOYCOTT New York City! Starve the beast! Stop shopping there, and only buy what you need.

Shocking... Another tax in NYC.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.