News You Can't Use: Six Flags to Cut 18,000 Trees to go Solar

We're clearly in the grips of a climate chaos that can easily be observed by watching the orderly and predictable progression of the seasons. The solution is breaking the grip of fossil fuels and their evil ally, trees. If thing go as planned we could have another Solyndra success story on our hands. And if they don't, who cares, because we had the veneer of good intentions covering increasingly destructive and illogical behavior. Yes, it's time to sit down and ask ourselves "Why is Saving the Earth so tainted with crazy that its credibility as an argument is totally ruined?" For an answer, consider the following amazing paragraphs.

A theme park plans to cut down more than 18,000 trees for the construction of what it says will be the largest solar farm in New Jersey.

We can say this without a hint of irony or self-awareness. First we hammer the pollution-creating trees. Then we create a doomed at birth project that should be able to keep everything running provided we never have a single cloudy day. Or nighttime. Then Peace Prizes and big profits, I would assume.

Six Flags Great Adventure says the facility will generate 21.9 megawatts, or enough to power about 3,100 homes, and capable of meeting all of the park's needs.

Unless there's two fluffy white clouds over the sun, in which case it will create enough power to almost keep one of those mini-fridges running.

The facility will be located east of the safari park in Jackson and is expected to be operational during the second half of 2016.

Discount lion safari and a chance to see broken and rotting solar arrays? Only in New Jersey, the magical place where dreams are cloaked in flesh and rust. First they gave us Bon Jovi, now this. The Garden State truly is America's Santa Claus.

Park President John Fitzgerald said in a statement that solar power will significantly reduce the park's reliance on fossil fuels.

No more endlessly pouring foreign oil into the "Wack-a-Mole" games and the tea cup ride.

We've got to get those trees cut down right away!

Six Flags spokeswoman Kristin Siebeneicher tells the Asbury Park Press the park and KDC Solar have pledged to replant 25,000 trees over a period of seven years.

I'm still waiting for them to fix "The Whizzer" so don't hold your breath.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Looks like your professors f-ed up your sense of reality again.

Their azz is their brain

If you can't attack the facts then attack the spelling.

brilliant, and solar farms are so attractive.

They are attractive. They are like a huge billboard that says "I'm with stupid."

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Cops Tell NJ Teens to Stop Door-to-Door Shoveling Offer

There really is no business like snow business. In fact, I often wonder why "snow jobs" are considered a bad thing, when in reality they're totally righteous. The bottom line is when the White gold, that sweet driveway candy, blankets the land, all any healthy person should see is giant dollar signs and opportunities for do-gooding that will actually be appreciated. Unfortunately, Heat Miser Government had other ideas. When two teens tried to get "high" on some far-out capitalism the five oh was there to derail the trolley.

Two central New Jersey high schoolers who say they were just trying to make some money were ordered by police to stop going door-to-door to offer to shovel snow, CBS New York reported.

Since there's no real crime in New Jersey, the best state in America, there's plenty of time to make sure punk kids abide by the 12,158 simple laws governing intrastate commerce and contract law.

Before this week's storm hit, the two friends from Bridgewater were making the rounds advertising their snow shoveling services.

"We got the idea from a book about economics written in 1874." Next time try fractional reserve banking, kids.

But when the two crossed into Bound Brook, they were stopped by cops.

Snow shovels up, don't shoot.

"We weren't looking to break the law. We just didn't know the law," Matt Molinari said.

That ain't no excuse, punk. Now let me fire the main armament on our police tank at you until you become compliant with all 50,000 pages of commercial legislation that every citizen is expected to memorize.

Police were alerted after someone called to report a suspicious person.

"Someone's trying to exchange services for pecuniary award, please send help."

"Kind of saw like a spotlight, like a police spotlight," said Molinari.

And to think a handful of cranks were opposed to paying taxes to fund the, like, police spotlight.

The high school senior told CBS New York he and his friend got a lesson in local ordinances, putting their shoveling business on the shelf.

For the reporters from the moral, spiritual and literal sewer that is NYC, this story of petty tyranny must have seemed like a glass of cold water on a summer day.

"'They need a permit, un-permitted solicitation is not allowed,'" Molinari said, recalling what the police told the pair.

"And no, the Constitution can't be used as a permit, punk. Here, let me point this loaded gun at you."

The Bound Brook police chief had a different version. He told MyCentralJersey.com they are not cracking down on kids shoveling, but rather that it was a state of emergency and they should not have been out.

They were actually breaking Law #144,151.a44!8(f)48ii9, not Law #456,334,566.affr#576#%%3&^. I know, it's a common mistake.

Like I said, totally righteous.

According to CBS New York, the teens were allowed to shovel for customers who called them directly, and they made about $100.

Most of this profit will be taken in taxes to pay for human derelicts, General Motors, Israel and better spotlights for local police.

Full Article

Komment Korner  

back then we had a lot more snow than we have now

Self-reliance is against the law now. Obysmalcare proved that.

Uhm, yes I'd like to report that there are a couple kids shoveling my sidewalk and I think they are up to no good with their shovels and the snow.

These kids need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.  They must be stopped!

"Serve and Protect" has turned into "I am the rule"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Man Sets Home on Fire While Trying to Kill Bed Bugs

When man battles insects the smart money is on the insects. Well, at least it is if the man in question lives in 2013 New Jersey and is using a space heater and a heat gun as weapons of choice. It might sound like some Buck Rogers shiz-it, but the reality is a little less fantastic, while at the same time being more fantastic in some sort of bizarre proletarian paradox. For once "kill it with fire" wasn't the answer. Perhaps "nuke from orbit" is the next logical step.

A homeowner and four firefighters are recovering after investigators say he accidentally set his own house on fire while trying to kill bed bugs.

"They came out of the freakin' walls, man!"

Police say the unidentified man was using a space heater, hair dryer and a heat gun to kill bed bugs inside his home on Penn Street in Woodbury, New Jersey.

It's like a live-action Looney Tunes cartoon, if Elmer Fudd was replaced with a heat gun-wielding moron and the cute rabbit with horrific blood-sucking vermin.

While doing this, police say he accidentally set fire to the second floor of his home.

Best laid plans and all that.

Bed bugs are tiny, flat insects that feed only on the blood of humans and animals. And they do it while you're sleeping. The biggest bed bugs grow to be the size of Lincoln's head on a penny, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

I don't know about you but I was all "Holy Christmas, the size of Lincoln's HEAD!!!" Then the penny part ruined it all. We need some new object to describe bed bug size, but I'm not exactly exploding with hot, hot ideas. The tip of an average size little finger? Half the size of a large cuff-link? Not perfect, but at least we're not bringing the Great Emancipator into this mess.

I'm gonna say "Ouch" for Hugh Grant.

Mostly they're just annoying "because their presence may cause itching and loss of sleep," according to the CDC website.

Now I'm annoyed. Get the flamethrower. 

Bed bugs give off a sweet, musty odor and if you have them, you can usually find them in the folds of mattresses and sheets.

"Honey-chile, we're gonna get us some of that sweet, musty odor. That kind you find in the folds of my mattress and sheets. It's finnin' to be so hot you might burn down the second floor."

Of course there are safe ways to get rid of bed bugs if you discover that you have an infestation.

So you might want to put down the giant barrel with "TNT" stenciled on it. We're just sayin' is all.

Original Article.

Komment Korner  

does it work on sodomites too?

Help prevent fires: call Knight Pest Control.

 Anybody who says "Just Sayin'" is a douchebag

Wasn't there a bed bug infestation at the hotel where the Democrats were staying during their 2012 convention? If only they could have called in this heroic guy to deal with it.

certainly a sure fire way to do it!!!

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.