News You Can't Use: Colorado Rockies Home Opener Could Be Coldest In Franchise History

Today's important news item combines two all-time favorites: American Cricket and days when the amount of heat (or "cold" if you want to be wrong) is low. In fact, you could argue that it's barely even a story at all, but with the ruins of that Chinese space station having crashed back to Earth, there isn't a lot of compelling things to talk about, so let's humor the meteorologist and pretend that winter hanging around, as it often does, is completely fascinating.

Remember opening day for the Rockies last year? 

To be total honest with you, no I don't. Sorry.

It was mostly sunny with a high of 76°F!

The weather is warm and the sun is out!!! Wow!!!

This year’s home opener will be a stark contrast. In fact, it could end up being the coldest home opener in franchise history.

In all 23 years of the amazing and storied history of this for-profit baseball concern, this will be the lowest temperature. Just fascinating.

Friday’s forecast calls for a chance of rain and snow with a high somewhere around 40°F.

Hey, it wasn't my idea! Don't shoot the messenger!

Right now it looks like the rain and snow would start late Thursday and end late Friday morning which would be excellent timing since first pitch isn’t until 2:10 pm.

The freezing rain should stop in time for the "pitching," don't you worry your pretty little head.

It's a beautiful day for the old ball game.

Our fingers are crossed that nothing changes with the current timeline for precipitation! 

We've sacrificed 40 heifers to Zeus, now we can only hope.

Here is a list of high and low temperatures for opening day in Denver…

Seriously, that's what you get. Here's a selected portion, full of amazing information.

April 5, 2013 – High 72, Low 44 (beat Padres)
April 4, 2014 – High 52, Low 22 (beat Diamondbacks)
April 10, 2015 – High 64, Low 32 (beat Cubs)
April 8, 2016 – High 66, Low 34 (lost to Padres)
April 7, 2017 – High 76, Low 47 (beat Dodgers)

They beat the Dodgers, a loss I'm pretty sure that team never recovered from.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

News You Can't Use: Dodger Stadium Flooded with Sewage After Pipe Bursts

Spring is in the air, bringing with it bitter cold, scathing winds that cut to the bone, snow and all the other signs that winter will soon be over. It also means that baseball is back for yet another season of cargo cult reenactments of 19th Century pastoral recreation punctuated by the occasional ball getting mashed by a steroid monster to provide the "excitement" that this amazing sport otherwise has done its best to avoid. However, now it isn't just a "dinger" to wake you up at the ball game, it might be a deluge of foul waste erupting on to the field. Is this some sort of allegory? You can't help but wonder.

A pipe broke at Dodger Stadium Tuesday, flooding the field with sewage and putting a premature end to the final preseason game.

Pitcher holds the ball. Spits. Waits. Looks at first base for awhile. Holds the ball. Here's the pitch. Ball two. It's now one and two. The catcher leisurely throws it back. More waiting. Did I ever tell you the story of how I played in a game that went until 2 am twenty years ago? Really something. Here's the stretch. Steps off the rubber. The manager is coming out. Might be a pitching change. No, I guess not. But wait! Here comes the human waste on the field! It's a flood of pure vileness! The crowd is going wild!

The Dodgers and Angels were facing off in the finale of the preseason Freeway Series when the pipe burst in the bottom of the 5th inning. The Dodgers were up 4-3 at the time.

The real tragedy is now we'll never know who would have "won" an unbelievably meaningless preseason game.

The sewage flooded part of the field. The smell was described as quite powerful as cleanup crews worked to mop up the mess.

If you think your job is hard, imagine being assigned to "mop up" the chunky horror spurting out of a busted sewer pipe.

"It smells really bad, man," one Angels fan in the stands said as he watched the cleanup crew work.

Yeah. I would imagine.

"Look what the Angels brought to us," a Dodgers fan joked in response.

Expect this to be an hilarious joke in the coming remake of "Angels in the Outfield."

Some fans were wondering if it was a bad sign for the season ahead.

As far as omens go it's no dead albatross, but it's not a good sign, either.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.