News You Can't Use: VR Really Disappoints at CES this Year

Like many people I yearn for the world depicted in The Lawnmower Man. By that, of course, I mean the day when landscaping companies will contain elements drawn from Greek mythology because I read books and don't watch movies and did I mention I don't even own a teevee? If you saw the movie, you were probably amazed by the possibility of a so-called virtual world. In addition to the one you get from the bottle or those special stickers, naturally. Computer technology should be allowing us to soon experience the safe alternative to taking The Ticket and having bum trips, cool cats. Or perhaps not, because this final frontier of useless lotus-eating onanism is not progressing for some reason.

Call it a virtual disappointment. Or virtually unsurprising. I'll just say I was virtually underwhelmed.

I'm a professional author! I'm writing!!!!

Whatever pun you choose, the virtual reality industry has some explaining to do after this year's Consumer Electronics Show, during which the biggest product announcements can largely be categorized as "more of the same."

First point: that was the same pun over and over so there really isn't any choice. Second point: that was a horrible segue into the main article, and I would know, using Stephen King short stories as jumping off points and all. Finally: more of the same is what you get from every technology sector, usually with minor improvements that gradually add up over the years. Big leaps forward and "man, this fast moving tech" is one of the most enduring and lamest myths about geek boxes.

Consider computer maker Lenovo, which showed off a VR headset whose primary selling point is that it's cheaper than competitors like the $599 Oculus Rift from Facebook or the $799 HTC Vive -- though Lenovo isn't discussing prices yet and the prototype on display doesn't actually work.
 
It doesn't work yet, but it will be cheaper. I'm not sure how much cheaper yet. The Future!

There's also Osterhout Design Group, which showed a new pair of smart glasses, powered by Google's Android phone software and using the newest chips from Qualcomm.

Yes, the newest chips, not those stale ones from a bag that was opened a week ago.

The glasses were supposed to be the latest entrant in the world of AR, or augmented reality, layering computer images on the real world you're looking at. (Think Pokemon Go.)

Can't wait to try driving with those on!

Even Intel, the world's largest chipmaker, which is developing its own VR headset, gave a presentation using nearly year-old devices from Facebook's Oculus.

We want lots of new navel-gazing miracle devices and we want them NOW.

If you relied on CES to show you the latest in technology, VR was pretty much a no-show.

If you were just there to see adult film "actresses" and play the new Madden roster update or shooter on a giant screen you probably had a decent time.

Ian Paul, chief information officer for adult entertainment company Naughty America, said he's concerned that there doesn't seem to be a serious effort from content creators, aside from his competitors and the video game industry.

The "teacher seduces bad student" genre is stagnating and it doesn't auger well for the future of computerized self-pollution.

"You don't have a rabbit hole experience in VR," he said.

I'm not going to make the obvious joke. Hey, I already said no. Get out of here.

Me want innovation!

Blau echoed that sentiment, adding that investment in hardware will likely happen over time. "There may not be an iPhone-like aha moment for VR," he said.

Try to carry on anyway, I guess.

"Average users, they want the perfect glasses now," she said. "That's not how technology advances."

I'm just sick of everything being blurry, you know?

Full Story.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Developer Stephen Ross’s RSE Ventures Invests in Drone Racing

When I first read the headline I thought we were talking about male bees, but it's actually a reference to those amazing devices that unsuccessfully spread democracy in various sandboxes and successfully attack our privacy and sense of security elsewhere. That's all great, but do they race? The answer is yes, provided we can find some way to make this dead on arrival idea palatable to the same investors that are innocent lambs ripped off by the world's worst people according to a debate I saw once. And why not? Watching objects chase each other, that's what's up.

Developer Stephen Ross is renowned in real estate for high-profile projects around the country and in sports for his ownership of the Miami Dolphins.

Bubbles, slums and a losing football team...let me go get that checkbook for drone racing. It was either this or run for President, I guess.

Now he is looking to make a name for himself in a new niche: drone racing.

We've tried killing things, violating constitutional rights and voyeurism...what else is left?

The League intends to make money through sponsorships, media and ticket sales.

 That #13 Coca-Cola drone is a real intimidater! Please keep watching.

Over the years numerous spectator sports have enjoyed splashy debuts and harbored hopes of becoming mainstream, from roller derby to arena football. After the initial buzz faded, interest in the sports often has petered out.

In fairness arena football was never popular, did not have a "splashy" debut, and still enjoys nominal popularity with the sub-brick segment of our great Democracy.

The Drone Racing League is targeting a growing audience: videogame players and other technology-oriented types.

The main problem, as the parents of this target audience already know, will be finding ways to get them to leave the house.

The machines are nimble enough to navigate the old factories and other interior spaces in which the Drone Racing League is planning its races.

Man, the complete and total death of the American manufacturing industry is the gift that keeps on giving! We can race tiny flying devices in the ruins of our economy, can't wait.

Earlier this summer, the League held a nonpublic trial race inside the abandoned Glenwood Power Plant in Yonkers. 

I'm trying to imagine something more depressing.

These are real athletes.

Six pilots standing on the power plant floor controlled their drones as they flew down the warehouse’s hallways and through open windows. 

The ghosts of our national pride and dignity gave a hearty thumbs up before dissolving into mist.

“It’s a completely immersive experience that’ll make you feel like you’re flying,” said Drone Racing League founder Nick Horbaczewski.

Imagine the thrill of zooming around rusted out equipment in a long-dead Allentown factory!

“I felt [drone racing] could be a sport that resonated with people because it touches on the heritage of racing, but also brings in the benefits of new technology,” he said.

It's a happy marriage of our disastrous past and bleak future.

Mr. Refsland said the sport might need to make some changes to become more fan friendly. “It’s not exciting to watch gnats fly in a football field all day,” he said. He believes the sport will become more appealing if spectators can view the images racers see through their virtual reality goggles.

Virtual reality googles? Really? It's not 1993 anymore.

Mr. Higgins acknowledged that RSE’s investment in the Drone Racing League is a risky one. “Our first threshold to cross is to persuade the world that this has potential to be a sport,” he said.

 Parting fools from their money, the eternal struggle of the big talker with a horrible idea.

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Probably the only reason most people watch NASCAR is for the potential pile ups that occur in the races

Introduce betting for attendees and it will really "take off". 

I immediately loved it. More please!!

Better make sure there are barf bags available for spectators.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.