News You Can't Use: Duo's Phony Heart Attack Scheme Foiled

What happens when you want that Barbie Power Wheel to commute down the sidewalks to your honest job but lack the necessary funds and are denied financing under highly suspicious and probably discriminatory circumstances? For most people the dream of the hot pink luxury toy would simply wither on the vine, but for two pieces of total human garbage this set-back was defeated with the classic "phony medical emergency" gambit.

A Florida thief last week faked a heart attack inside a Walmart so that a male accomplice could walk out of the store with a shopping cart stuffed with toys, including a motorized Barbie Power Wheel, police report.

This is like one of those criminal mastermind plans that practically floors us law-abiding squares with its unbelievable audacity and cunning. I'll fool everyone into responding to my distress by virtue of our shared humanity. While that trick bag is being spilled out, you get that Barbie whip out the door.

While the diversion proved initially successful, the pair was arrested yesterday on grand theft charges when they were linked to the crime via surveillance footage.

Luckily we live in an age where criminals feel guilty for their crimes and want to repent the evil they've done to others and God everything is being recorded. And yes, it's a felony. Grand Theft Barbie Auto, the perfect gift for Daddy's little princess.

According to a Polk County Sheriff’s Office report, Tarus Scott, 30, and Genard Dupree, 27, entered the Lake Wales Walmart together and filled a cart with $369.94 in merchandise.

The live action version of "Two Stupid Dogs."

As Scott moved toward the exit with the merchandise, Dupree dropped to the floor and clutched his chest. With Dupree doing his best Fred Sanford imitation, Scott walked past his sidekick.

How about a classic television reference maybe 1% of our readers will get? Perfect.

The fake heart attack, cops noted, “appeared to be done in an attempt to create a distraction long enough for Scott to exit the store, past all points of sale, without paying for the merchandise in the cart."

See, our police can demonstrate basic logic after a few days to work on it. Let's give them tanks.

Dupree’s heart trouble lasted 44 seconds before he was able to get to his feet and amble out of Walmart.

A pretty standard exit for a customer of that fine establishment.

"Was falling down in deep-fried salted snacks part of your plan?"

"Of course!"

"What's the next step in your master plan?"

"Crashing this Barbie Power Wheel with no survivors."

He met up with Scott in the parking lot and the pair drove away in an SUV.

I'm deeply saddened that the Barbie car wasn't used in the escape.

Dupree is currently on felony probation for theft, while Scott is an ex-con who was released from prison last year after serving about a decade for armed robbery.

Surprisingly, being surrounded by squalor, violence and other criminals in a for-profit institution failed to reform this criminal dream team. At least this time they can earn mad "cred" for stealing a toy intended for little girls after possuming in the China-Mart.

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Where is Sharpton on this?

Thugs in Jail,"Yo,what are you guys in for"? Guys that got caught,"GTA on a Barbie car."

He was able to shake it off. Give these geniuses a break.

When you are just too lazy to riot.

You folks are just filled with hate!!!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Pupils as Young as Six Act Out Drug and Rape Scenes from Grand Theft Auto

Why are the youth so bad, dumb, criminal, untidy and generally bereft of all value? This is the question our media is always struggling to answer, with wildly varying success. One possible explanation that keeps popping up is the evils of the joystick. No, not that, video games. And I'm not talking about critically panned Eye-talian racing games. I'm referring to soul killers like that car theft game, that one where you shoot stuff and Ms. Pac-Man (Out eating dots without a male relative acting as an escort? No veil? This is blasphemy!).

These mind rotters have even breached the citadel that is the not-quite nation of Wales. More evidence of society's coming morality-based cardiac episode, that's what this is. Let's see what's going on around here, yeah?

A HEADTEACHER has sent a letter to parents after becoming aware of “extremely concerning behaviour” of pupils, some as young as six, which he puts down to a violent video game.

I guess the caps lock was broken when this person received this formal title. Are you even aware, HEADTEACHER? Kids playing tag, running around and yelling...must be the insidious work of Murder Simulator 5: Operation Miami Beach.

Pupils at Coed-y-Brain Primary School, in Llanbradach, have been, according to head teacher Morian Morgan, “initiating games that involve simulating rape and sexual intercourse” and “having detailed discussion of drug use”. 

All right class, let's have a detailed discussion of drug use. For me, it started in the sixties, man. Yeah. *stares off into space for ten minutes*

Unless you count "Custer's Revenge" I don't think there's ever been a video game involving player-controlled sexual assault, but hey, in for a penny in for a pound when it comes to fear-mongering and alarmist over-reaction.

Staff at the school discovered that the worrying behaviour was a result of children coming into contact with Grand Theft Auto, or GTA, which follows the dark underworld of America’s biggest cities.

And please none of that "normal behavior that may sometimes seem shocking but is not pathological in any way" excuse making. We can tell the difference. This is the work of the X-Box devil.

Its latest instalment, Grand Theft Auto V, is thought to be one of the best-selling video games of all time, having sold more than 32 million copies worldwide.

Yeah, "thought to be." Superb research here, as usual. "There's some kind of rape game that might sell be best-selling that's mind-screwing kids." It's not like you could use some form of technology, maybe that so-called "information road," to check these facts. Nah, ignorant speculation is easier.

The letter to parents also said children were “acting out scenes from the game which include the strongest of sexual swear words”, “having conversations” about sexual acts and “play acting extremely violent games that sometimes result in actual injury”.

Examples of these extremely violent games that sometimes result in actual injury include touch football, duck-duck-goose and jumping rope.

He said: “I sent out the letter with some trepidation but I’m pleased I sent it because all the comments, as far as I’m aware, have been very supportive.

"Yeah, we don't like the little bastards either!" - The Parents

“The youngest child showing this kind of behaviour was a six-year-old but that is unusual. It was very much a minority re-enacting these acts.”

Sorry I kind of blew it out of proportion, exaggerated like crazy and just made things up. 

Full Article

Komment Korner  

"Man gets caught speeding after watching Formula 1 on the weekend". OMG lets ban Formula 1 off the TV.

Are we to assume then that you think shooting people is okay?

More SICK stuff from a sick Country that rules by the gun

 I was recently watching the film, The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo, on a recommendation

Here we have to deal with Obama and his socialist **** Communist tendencies to take down the country he hates.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.