News You Can't Use: VR Really Disappoints at CES this Year

Like many people I yearn for the world depicted in The Lawnmower Man. By that, of course, I mean the day when landscaping companies will contain elements drawn from Greek mythology because I read books and don't watch movies and did I mention I don't even own a teevee? If you saw the movie, you were probably amazed by the possibility of a so-called virtual world. In addition to the one you get from the bottle or those special stickers, naturally. Computer technology should be allowing us to soon experience the safe alternative to taking The Ticket and having bum trips, cool cats. Or perhaps not, because this final frontier of useless lotus-eating onanism is not progressing for some reason.

Call it a virtual disappointment. Or virtually unsurprising. I'll just say I was virtually underwhelmed.

I'm a professional author! I'm writing!!!!

Whatever pun you choose, the virtual reality industry has some explaining to do after this year's Consumer Electronics Show, during which the biggest product announcements can largely be categorized as "more of the same."

First point: that was the same pun over and over so there really isn't any choice. Second point: that was a horrible segue into the main article, and I would know, using Stephen King short stories as jumping off points and all. Finally: more of the same is what you get from every technology sector, usually with minor improvements that gradually add up over the years. Big leaps forward and "man, this fast moving tech" is one of the most enduring and lamest myths about geek boxes.

Consider computer maker Lenovo, which showed off a VR headset whose primary selling point is that it's cheaper than competitors like the $599 Oculus Rift from Facebook or the $799 HTC Vive -- though Lenovo isn't discussing prices yet and the prototype on display doesn't actually work.
 
It doesn't work yet, but it will be cheaper. I'm not sure how much cheaper yet. The Future!

There's also Osterhout Design Group, which showed a new pair of smart glasses, powered by Google's Android phone software and using the newest chips from Qualcomm.

Yes, the newest chips, not those stale ones from a bag that was opened a week ago.

The glasses were supposed to be the latest entrant in the world of AR, or augmented reality, layering computer images on the real world you're looking at. (Think Pokemon Go.)

Can't wait to try driving with those on!

Even Intel, the world's largest chipmaker, which is developing its own VR headset, gave a presentation using nearly year-old devices from Facebook's Oculus.

We want lots of new navel-gazing miracle devices and we want them NOW.

If you relied on CES to show you the latest in technology, VR was pretty much a no-show.

If you were just there to see adult film "actresses" and play the new Madden roster update or shooter on a giant screen you probably had a decent time.

Ian Paul, chief information officer for adult entertainment company Naughty America, said he's concerned that there doesn't seem to be a serious effort from content creators, aside from his competitors and the video game industry.

The "teacher seduces bad student" genre is stagnating and it doesn't auger well for the future of computerized self-pollution.

"You don't have a rabbit hole experience in VR," he said.

I'm not going to make the obvious joke. Hey, I already said no. Get out of here.

Me want innovation!

Blau echoed that sentiment, adding that investment in hardware will likely happen over time. "There may not be an iPhone-like aha moment for VR," he said.

Try to carry on anyway, I guess.

"Average users, they want the perfect glasses now," she said. "That's not how technology advances."

I'm just sick of everything being blurry, you know?

Full Story.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Yearbook Prank Leads to Columbia Student’s Arrest

High school graduation is an exciting time. It marks the beginning of a second childhood that should last for at least the next four years at Cultural Marxist Debt Daycare, or, if you work it just right, the rest of your life. It's a time of reflection, of new beginnings, and possibly of starting a 3-5 year stretch at Leavenworth for pulling a prank. Yes, stupid jokes are now felonies. We live in an America that has no sense of humor whatsoever. Jesters are rounded up and shot. Comedians are our main focus during the two minutes hate. Scripted "comedy" shows are intentionally stripped of all wit, irony and subversion. They are then given "laugh cues" as a means to fully deconstruct the idea of joking around.

Zero tolerance, my friends, zero tolerance.

A Columbia high school student faces a possible felony charge after her arrest for changing a classmate’s name in the school yearbook to a sexually suggestive term.

Put her in prison! She has disgraced the good name of the yearbook committee! We trusted them to take excellent photos of "coat a freshmen in hot tar" week and so on, not to bring S-E-X (!!!!!!!) into our very names.

The 17-year-old Hickman High School junior was arrested May 14 after she allegedly changed a student’s last name from Mastain to “masturbate” in the 100th edition of the Hickman Cresset yearbook.

Assistant Boone County prosecutor Spencer Bartlett said Tuesday that the case remains under review. No charges had been filed against the teenager as of Tuesday afternoon.

Whoa, what? Get us all excited about the prospect of turning a joke about bopping the bishop into serious prison time and then admit it isn't going to happen in the fine print? It's almost like this is some sort of sensationalism to get attention.

The school decided against reprinting more than 700 yearbooks and instead placed stickers on the altered pages with the student’s correct surname, said yearbook adviser Kim Acopolis. The school estimated the costs of reprinting 720 yearbooks at $41,000.

There was a brief ceremony afterwards celebrating the first time in human history that a government employee used their own discretion and common sense rather than making the worst available decision. Hats off to you, Kim, while everyone else was panicking over smashing-the-candle-gate you were cool under pressure.

“I do not think (she) had any sense of the consequences that would come,” Acopolis said, referring to the student purportedly behind the prank gone awry.

This is why kids say things like "adults are the suck" and "epic adult fail." Really, they say that.

Both Acopolis and the girl whose name was changed, Raigan Mastain, an aspiring graphic designer, called the last-minute change by another yearbook staff member as an act of immaturity, not malice.

In reality it was probably both.

They might want to put a sticker over their goofy school logo, too.

I usually give a direct link to the story, but not this time. The web page is just riddled with bullshit ads and ain't nobody got time for dat. I think it was still loading five minutes after I closed the tab. Here's the address, but don't visit it. I quoted all the funniest parts, so there's no point anyway.  http://stlouis.cbslocal.com/2013/05/28/yearbook-prank-leads-to-columbia-students-arrest/

Komment Korner
  

Glad I never had a Kewpie as my Mascot. I was always baffled by the Purple Kewpies. NCHS THUNDERBIRDS! (High school football rules!!!)

Was his first name Richard?? hahaha

When will the MSM be held to the same standard of accountability? 'Mittens' Romney anyone?
Also, Innocent until PROOVEN guilty -maybe it was just a typo and it is up to the law to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that it was not.

get ready to have your name changed over and over again you stuck-up b!tch enjoy the real world

A year in jail sounds appropriate.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.